Girl's Meltdown in Porn Chatroom Haunts Me , Motivates Me

This will fuel me in my journey. Especially knowing that after their pen careers many of the porn stars or cam girls realize what they have been doing and feel horrible about themselves.

 

yep, same here. truly being aware of what is really going on on the screen and behind the scenes ... deconstructing porn... was one of the parts of my reboot

 

This kind of deconstruction is necessary in order to see what we are doing and how we are hurting ourselves.

 

that is exactly it blocking my happiness suppressing others and teaching them to do the same

 

Behind every beautiful face / there is some kind of pain

- Bob Dylan "Not Dark Yet"

 

Wow, what a confession. More power to you, man.
That was a brave post, which I am sure took a lot of courage to write.
It is appreciated.

 

Manipulations work on multiple levels - the pimps, girls and punters. The link helped me wean myself off cam girls, dont follow it if worried about TRIGGERS:

http://www.internetmodeling.info/how_to_make_money.html

 

I was one of those people. The guilt and shame I felt accompanied me for many years afterwards and drove me to abstain from most P except amateur since I felt that that at least must involve consenting adults. When I realized that many (though not all) amateur videos involved unsuspecting couples, I gave that up as well. Its mostly been movies since then with the occasional P but I have been clean for the last 18 days.
I can not undo what I inadvertently promoted but I have tried my best to atone for what I did, mostly by donating money to societies set up to rescue or help sex workers rehabilitate (I could not find one for P workers). But I hope to do more once I have the time, maybe volunteer at a few of these societies. Many of the women rescued have been held in conditions of near slavery and are completely unable to readjust to a normal life in society as they lack many of the technical and language skills required. I would like to be able to help with that if possible and balance the scales a bit.
None of us can move backwards. But we can choose to change and move forward rather than remain stuck in the addiction death spiral.

 

In Years of pmo routine I taught myself to believe in the illusion, for my own excitement.
I taught myself to see what I wanna see and to ignore what's bothering my stupid joy.
I never watched livecams, but I think the meltdown of the pornactrice happened too. I just couldn't see it because it was cut out.

Also I realize now, there was a point when I crossed the line from looking at naked bodies, watching them in sexual intercourse, enjoy the script of a sex story and fantasize about all of it to the complete objectifying of the bodies of women.
Of course these are vague (blurred?) lines. I decided not to explain what I mean in detail. Maybe you already know what I mean. I'll just add that I have seen much "complete objectifying of the bodies of women" in japanese porn.
And to be honest with you, as I struggle for words to make my point I already have those images in my mind, or something like pre-images.
While I can reason about these things and be critical, my body just wants to play the old game.

Anyway, Thanks Armed&Dangerous for sharing your story with me! It reminded me on something very important. I must again step in for my beliefs and teach my body the way I need it to be.

 

Well.... some people are even willing to lose their humanity....

I mean what do these girls think?
Do they think its easy money? If they dont love being treated like a sex object and get money for it why the fuck you even do it then?
I would never sell my body. There is always other ways to earn money than selling your body.

Sorry guys but i seriously dont understand why you pity such people.
In my eyes these woman are idiots. I was carried out by the police and put into fucking psychiatry jail.
Still i managed to crawl out of this shithole with real work and getting support.
You dont even need a degree to work.

I think most of these bitches are just plain stupid and sell their souls for money which is just plain stupid.
Or these woman in Porn love being treated like an object.
Or they are drug addicted.
Or are being forced to by criminals.

 

@Armed & Dangerous i never said they are emotionally fit since when is being stupid emotionally fit? And yeah its a rational choice how to earn money. If you apply for this job then you apply for it.

calling someone else psycho because of a different opinion says much about you.

 

that is deep man! It is actually like that.

 

@Armed & Dangerous

"Your message says more about your continuing psychiatry issues" -You are denieng what you just wrote and everyone can read it...

I dont see myself as a victim of the police it was a statement i wrote to prove that you can crawl out of every misery...oh wait i just wrote that how can you missunderstand?....


You are interpreting my words with your own mind which is not mine and writing that your "interpretation" is a fact and true. If you dont understand you can just ask me before you insult me.



and you cant compare yourself and this whole site with its user with these girls. Or Did everyone on this site make the conscious decision to sell their body , self-respect and pride for money.
I guess not.


Your insults dont even suit me. Call me smart-ass or something i can take these insults as they show intelligence.
Random insults like psycho is boring and turning my words around so they make your statement seem right is a manipulation and this is a weapon of Dictators , woman and cowards.
And i avoid people that show this behaviour. Therefore i am out of here.

Peace

 

Oh man. There are no winners in this fight. We all have problems with the way porn is presented to us and compulsive masturbation / pmo ... let's face it!


And let's not degrade the experience of which A&D told us, which was so intense! This is very important!


Just imagine he would have thought: "oh now that stupid bitch cries over her wasted life, can't she just stick to be the whore who she decided to be or get the fuck out?"

In that case he wouldn't have interrupted his pmo-cycle and we wouldn't have this discussion at all.


So if I read correctly, the last posts were about if women in porn are stupid or if this or that fellow Fapstronaut is stupid.

For me the question is: AM I FUCKIN STUPID? - that I spend hours with porn, loosing chances, even for real sex and continue although I see what it does to me? And now that I'm not wanking my brains out - what am I doing? Fulfilling my dreams, going after whatever I neglected? NO, I'm on a self-help-site writing posts about porn and stuff, not even knowing if this kind of therapy will work out!


OK, it seems that was my anger. And my fears. Sorry guys for too much negativity! Actually I'm new here and I enjoy this thing very much. I have the urge to talk here although I don't used forums much before. Besides from my own expression here I read all the stories of you guys. That's intense. In real life I could just exchange my porn issues with other guys by making fun of it. Talk is needed. I don't know how strong I will be in my first challenge of NoFap, but I already made a change by talking to you guys.


And why is this discussion so important for me? Because I want to see clearly. I can't see anything when I watch porn. I only stare at a screen and absorb what's on it. Pity alone doesn't hinder me to watch porn. But I will make a net out of thoughts and emotions that covers the whole issue. When I am tempted or triggered this net will hopefully prevent me from relapsing.


Actually I also wanted to pass on a story that shows how porn really fucked up ppl – makers as well as watchers and they didn't agree to that! But this post has already become too long.

 

calm down bro.

you didnt read everything clearly and yet you become angry. that is no ground to have an argument on.

 

I was angry with my self though

 

well then i am happy the anger of the thunder god didnt strike me!

 

Thank you for bringing this hideous side of PMO to the light. I'm beginning to see how disgusting the porn industry is, yet my mind is still clouded at times.