Regret sex with wife?

Mid-reboot, I'm of the opinion it's best to do a hard-mode PMO reboot. Abstain from all sexual activities - even making out - until you successfully hit that 90-day mark.

It's possible she as well has some porinfied habits of relationship, seeking validation and release through sex.

Also, don't triangulate. You obviously have an issue in your relationship with your wife. The thing you need to learn is how to share that with her instead of shifting the conflict over to random people on the internet to deal with for you.

Try this: Sot down across from her, look here in the eye and say, "I have something I need to say, when we were together last night, it made me feel x. I'm focused on making the most of recovering from porn's damage to my brain. Moving forward, I would like our relationship to look like y."

And then, allow the conversation to go where it needs to go. Don't apologize for asking for/demanding what you need. You can ask her to get on board, but it's okay for you to tell her you're committed to your own recovery even if she isn't on board. If she loves you, she will help you. If she escalates into anger, focus on keeping your own emotions in check. Take a 10 minute break from the conversation and come back to finish it later if you need to.

 

Do you want to be with her at all? Did you have sex because you desired her or you just was horny and used her?

Really think about what you want and how you feel about her, feeling like you described is really f*d up. The only time I thought that way with a woman was with a crazy woman that I wasn't comfortable in bed with and wanted to run away from her as soon as I could, and of course I did and never saw her again.
I can't imagine to feel that way to a SO.

I would normally advice to have sex with your SO but in your case I would definitively suggest you to stop doing it until you really feel you want to be with her and feel comfortable doing it.

 

Does your counter accurately indicate that you haven't viewed P for more than a year (either alone or with your wife) and that you haven't MO'd for over a year either? In other words, can we rule these out as reasons for your present problem as you describe, as in you're stuck in preferring a fantasy of P, which makes your wife humdrum or "cringy" in comparison?

 

Make sex or make love.
Objectify or share feelings.

What I'm trying to say, sex during marriage SHOULD feel completely different to PMO. It's not always perfect, it's not from the world of fantasy, but it's reality. And the more you discover it, the more you don't want to go back to false fantasies.

The other guys are right: talk with your wife. She's the closest person to you. Share your feelings.

 

Do you know if you have intimacy anorexia? That could be a big part of it.

 

Is that really a thing?

 

Yes it is.

“ Intimacy anorexia is a relationship disorder that occurs mostly in the context of marriage or long-term romantic partnerships. This relationship disorder is defined by the American Association for Sex Addiction Therapy as “The active withholding of emotional, spiritual and sexual intimacy from the spouse or partner.”

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intimacy_anorexia
https://intimacyanorexia.com/intimacy-anorexia-characteristics/

 

Yes it is. My husband didn’t think he was and he skipped that part in the workbook! Lol. When we went over his homework, I was like “ omg! That is totally you! He didn’t see it until I started pointing things out in our relationship. It can change though! Once you recognize it and work through it, it can be changed

 

Oh, man. Reading some on IntimacyAnorexia.com, it sounds like some of my patterns of behavior, too.

Right now, I'm focused on recovering from codependency. I don't doubt that the two have overlapping patterns. Thank you for pointing this out. I learned something today.

 

I'm having intimacy anorexia with my flatmate. This is acceptable because we're just flatmates. It was beginning to feel like we were married for a while there. But, in a long-term, committed relationship, it's a sign of bad faith and desire to be alone, I'd say.

 

Been there. The problem i was having was i didnt know how to he truly vulnerable with my wife. Like really to put my heart out there in private, usually in-bed conversations, risking that she would trample all over my flaws and insecurities.

She didn't. She loved and encouraged me. She eventually started to open up about her insecurities. The barriers came down and our intimacy returned.

These women who see your muscles *imagine* that you can be emotionally intimate with them. They might chase after your body for a while, but if you cannot learn to open yourself up to your partner, you'll lose them, too.

 

Nope, never! Real sex leaves you satisfied, no guilt. Porn does the opposite.

 

Intimacy with the wife actually provides encouragement to stay PMO-free. The quality of the IRL experience, especially emotionally, reinforces what a horrible waste using PMO is. I found that freeing my mind, body, and soul from PMO addiction made me a much better partner overall, and of course with regards to physical intimacy.

 

What workbook?

 

It’s either “Facing the shadows” or “Out of the shadows.” I can look later today. It’s by Carnes. Excellent book to understand your addiction.

 

I use facing the shadows. Some of the activities kick my ass. Don't do more than 15-20 minutes at a time cause you don't want to rush.

 

Well since you got in better shape you should definitely get rid of your current partner, gf, wife so you can take advantage of the attention you are getting. Of course if in the future you get fat your replacement partner might leave you for someone that has more muscles.