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The widespread normalisation of porn is rotting men since they're boys.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Struggling-Otter, Oct 6, 2020.

  1. Struggling-Otter

    Struggling-Otter Fapstronaut

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    I hate it. It's been creating a drift between men and women. And it's so sad and frustrating that most men learn to objectify women since a very early age, we accept it and move on. It's so unfortunate how sex is present in everything and porn became so normalised. It's a really awkward situation because we can't put all the blame on the way society resorts to sex to sell everything and how ads, movies and tv shows sexualize and objectify women all the time. It's really wrong and it pisses me off because yeah, kids and teens generally don't know any better and accept it as reality. We normalise it. But we can't just point at that and clear all the blame ourselves.

    I really want to reprogram my brain to stop seeing women ass vessels of pleasure. I always thought it was so wrong to treat them differently, and the fact that they don't have the same liberties and privileges as men do is wrong. But at the same time I watched porn and masturbated to women, I objectified and degraded them. And I would always think "oh, there's no problem, masturbation and porn are healthy". That's a rubbish excuse I told myself so I could keep ignoring the uncomfortable truth. Because I didn't bother to think harder. First of all, porn isn't good or healthy in any way imho. And masturbating, although I believe everyone starts touching themselves early and discovering their bodies, should be treated as something that isn't bad if it occurs, but shouldn't keep happening frequently and shouldn't carry on into adulthood.

    Why aren't more people talking about masturbation and porn addiction? Why don't we treat it the same way we treat drugs and gambling addiction? We are literally abusing our body. I believe it is because sex sells, and talking about it would mean, most men would have to come to terms with the fact that yeah, they've been objectifying women most of their lives, and it's a really hard conversation most people don't want to have. I feel so gross about it, I spent more than a decade degrading and dehumanizing women, feeding sex and porn into my brain, abusing my body, emotionally abusing my partners, rewarding myself with meaningless, fake and unhealthy pleasure. And I feel so bad because my current SO knows about it and I really love her but I never stopped to think about all this, how it affects her and face this ugly, hard an uncomfortable truth. I want so bad to change my brain and the way I think, and as I said, I know I can't put all the blame in society and the porn industry.

    But I sure as hell feel so pissed about how I grew up surrounded by sex, everywhere, in things that don't need to be sexualized, how I was taught that masturbating is healthy, and how there are a ton of men right now growing up like I did, and despite their best efforts, objectifying women and seeing them as different and inferior to men is gonna be ingrained in ther brain really early. I hope I am the exception and every man and boy growing up in the future is stronger and better than I am.

    Sorry for this kind of rant. I've wasted countless years of my life, may be losing the love of my life too, and I just wish things changed before, for me and a ton of men growing up in the digital era. But I know it's all on me too.
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2020
  2. skylark

    skylark Fapstronaut

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    Machismo factors into this. I have lost count of the amount of people I know who believe watching porn/having sex with numerous women is viewed as a sort of masculine rite of passage. I have seen those who shy away from such things for whatever reason and then watch how they are viewed by the men around them. They are often ostracised and isolated from the main group because of it. Like somehow they are not 'man enough.' It has become normalised completely. Even an advert for hair care or a chocolate bar contains within it not so veiled sexual references. What used to be a 15 film now passes for a 12 or even a PG. Porn/erotica is everywhere and most people don't even see it. It's very sad.
     
  3. Struggling-Otter

    Struggling-Otter Fapstronaut

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    I am one of those men that never felt comfortable with the machismo pov. I am zero confrontational, to an unhealthy amount because I also refused to confront conflict within myself. I hate the idea of being the alpha, the most violent and strong of us all. And I felt bad for being such a passive person, for trying to resolve things talking instead of yelling and threatening. I guess my porn addiction could've been a way to make up for it. I don't even remember how it started, or when it bacame something I would do multiple times a day. It became a sick fixation.

    It's a really harmful culture, machismo is huge in my country and men are taught to neglect their feelings, to never show emotion, never cry, and always be strong and violent.

    I've always been super romantic, emotional and of course that made me an "inferior man". I never cared about conquering lots of women, even if some times I told myself it was something I should do to gain value as a male. I just want to be able to spend my life with the one I love in a healthy manner... Things are really rocky with my gf. I want to make this change regardless, I want to be a better man for myself, my family and those I love. But I really really hope I don't lose this opportunity :(
     
    Agustín159 and skylark like this.
  4. skylark

    skylark Fapstronaut

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    There's absolutely nothing wrong with you or you being any of those things. Stay true to who you are.
     
    Struggling-Otter likes this.
  5. Struggling-Otter

    Struggling-Otter Fapstronaut

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    I will. I wish I had done it before, and I could nurture those positive things that make me who I am. It's never late, and although I wish I can make up for everything I did to my GF, I want to be worthy of the trust of every other woman in my life. I don't know if I'll ever reach redemption or truly deserve forgiveness, but I can always be better than I was the day before. And I don't want to feel guilty when a woman trusts in me in the future.
     
    skylark likes this.
  6. skylark

    skylark Fapstronaut

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    We are all deserving of forgiveness, yourself included. Everyone makes mistakes in this life because peer pressure is so strong. Very few people live the lives they hoped to carve out for themselves and there is no one who hasn't made mistakes in romantic relationships. Give yourself a break. You're okay.
     
    Struggling-Otter likes this.
  7. Struggling-Otter

    Struggling-Otter Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot @skylark, I appreciate your kindness. I'll be kinder to myself as long as I keep fighting for what I believe to be right.
     
    skylark likes this.
  8. skylark

    skylark Fapstronaut

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    You're very welcome. Yes, be kinder to yourself. Have a great day. Enjoy your recovery to become the person you were put on this Earth to be.
     
  9. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    My schoolmates were like "huh? You're giving up PORN? Why?!" when I told them about NoFap. As if porn was an absolute necessity in life and something every normal person does. Sick, really.

    But then, even my own father was laughing off my declarations of chastity. So I've learned just not to give a shit. I recommend this attitude. Also, remove the TV set from your home. Your life will suddenly get much better culture-wise.
     
  10. Kramum

    Kramum Fapstronaut

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    The reason being is that the money that is allegedly going to be spent on fighting the galactic alliance of NoFap enemies is not instead being spent on conducting more and more research concerning said addictions.
    The way things stand, no one is taking NoFap seriously, and unless something within it changes, no one ever will.
     
  11. Struggling-Otter

    Struggling-Otter Fapstronaut

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    I don't watch cable TV anymore since like 10 years ago, thankfully. Right now my fight against PMO has been rather easy because all of these feelings give me a lot of resolve and truly fill me with determination. I know we might not be able to change things, but once I reach a meaningful milestone, like a year or more without PM, and once I feel like I was able to successfully reprogram my mind, I want to be open and very vocal about my addiction, the things it did to me and how it affected my way of thinking and valuing women. More men need to know there IS a lot wrong with P consumption and chronic M. At least I realized it was the root of a lot of problems in my self esteem and productivity, and it is a huge obstacle im becoming the upstanding man I wish to be. We can't keep doing this to future generations.
     
    skylark likes this.
  12. Mo1989

    Mo1989 Fapstronaut

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    True words. We don't learn to respect women. But also women don't learn to respect themselves too, the fact that its been a male driven society from the beginning makes it difficult for women. Its all wrong. The pressure on box sexes makes it unhealthy to vent out those urges. we are emotional creatures and live by sharing them. sex is never enough thats why its meaningless and overrated.
     
    used19 likes this.
  13. eric9000k

    eric9000k Fapstronaut

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    just so you know a lot of women are also making terrible terrible life choices that are hardly peripheral to the issue at hand it's not just one side or the other who needs to wake up to reality

    nothing angers me more than some stupid argument like 'well if guys didn't watch porn there'd be no girls doing it' because let me just say if girls didn't do porn... well there'd be no guys watching it either - so it really takes two.
     
    Struggling-Otter likes this.
  14. Struggling-Otter

    Struggling-Otter Fapstronaut

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    I get where you're coming from but as a male I can only give my point of view. I cannot speak for women or any kind of sex worker, I can only change my mindest, my actions and try to make other men aware and accountable.

    I'll tell you one thing though, men have always felt the need to consume and dominate women. We have been entitled to it for far too long. And men do consume the majority of pornography, and I'm 100% sure the porn industry is lead mainly by men and porn focuses on satisfying the depraved demands of men. Men pay porn actresses and actors, men pay for pornography, and men consume the hell out of it. Men fuel porn giants, and men provide 99% of the demand for it. Without that demand, there would be no need to create and distribute porn.
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2020
  15. Little Prince

    Little Prince Fapstronaut

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    That's your opinion, mine is that I can absolutely blame porn, the porn industry and society for all the misery porn has caused me. I try to live a healthy life, I'm vegan, I work out, I don't drink alcohol, coffee, juice, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, etc. If I knew porn was bad I would have treated it like any other unhealthy thing and avoid it.

    I don't want to ruin anyone's optimism but it's been known for a long time that the leading cause of death, heart issues, are caused only by eating animal products yet most people don't know it. As long as there's money to be made most won't ever find out porn is bad for them.

    I think the best we can do is learn this better for ourselves, write what we learned here so that everyone starting doesn't have to rediscover everything and maybe in time we perfect recovery to make it a lot easier and faster.
     
  16. Struggling-Otter

    Struggling-Otter Fapstronaut

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    Don't get me wrong, I do blame the porn industry for poisoning the mind of young men and women, and I know it's a huge problem. I just personally can't shift all the blame of my problems onto it. We do the things we want to do and I chose to watch porn and masturbate until it escalated to unhealthy levels, and I never stopped to really think too much about it.

    As for your other point, there's nothing wrong with building awareness. There were almost no vegan people 30 years ago, and nowadays more and more people concern themselves about their health and biocentrism.
     
  17. Mr. Kruger

    Mr. Kruger Fapstronaut

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    It's sad how many people are addicted and don't even realize it.
     
  18. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Yes, except that there has probably been more queens in the medieval times than female prime ministers in the XX century! But we get the general idea.
     
    Mo1989 likes this.
  19. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    The thing is: addiction actually starts once you acknowledge it. My schoolmates were just regular people who probably PMO'd every day but were otherwise good students and normal fellas without any visible personal dysfunctions.
     
  20. eric9000k

    eric9000k Fapstronaut

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    Omg getting lectured by a dude about the patriarchy makes me want to smash my head against a brick wall man I hope nofap does you a world of good my brother.
     

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