For all the " Am i gay / bi guys ? "

Agreed, @Habbapop!

 

Like a lot of people are saying, I believe that what we find arousing can change over time. For those of us who struggle with unwanted same sex attraction from watching gay porn, what do people think the healing process looks like? I haven’t watched porn in six months, but I’m still experiencing feelings of attraction to other men. How do I rewrite this pattern? I feel like I need to be around other men more so that my brain can un-associate men with arousal, but I don’t know how to go about doing that. I don’t want to intentionally go into a triggering situation, but I also want to, say, teach my brain not to find shirtless men sexually exciting. Any thoughts?

 

Thanks I will try that no porn goal now day 2 no beating off in 6 days . I broke out in a sweat going into dopamine withdrawal today I'm an addicted personality I used to a drug addict and alcoholic to try to stop the pain. From a kid know I'm a sex addict porn addict still. And from my combat tour in US Army have a TBI & PTSD porn soothes that need of no closeness just sex getting off. And since no drugs alcohal cigarettes in 26 years. My known dopamine gates sex porn junk food sugar.

So I'm all or nothing I have decided yesterday to starve my pleasure center more I cut out all sugar carbs bad carbs too. No pizza bread pasta no 12 cans of pop a day no ice cream desserts nothing but veggies leenn meat and essential oils.

I am acting like a opiate addict going into withdrawal. But I know I need a complete reset after saying away from porn and see where it goes if after 90 days if still feel hooking up with women real life woman and MF bi man couples real not pixcels . And it still feels natural then I'm going to leave it at that nothing wrong with being bi but no one thing I'm not gay. Am into women 98% of time my wife and sister wife -cuncubine ?? tale care of my needs I'm about 2% of the time more bi bottom with the woman getting off seeing me that both my women get off seeing it. But maybe that will go away IDK.

Have to say after no beating off for six days woman at the grocery store tonight starting looking better.

Thanks everyone for listening. I also even though going into withdrawal I did some haven't done in awhile did 1/2 hour of cardio on elliptical and took my frustrations on the weight sets. Going to try and replace PMO with this positive thi g see how I feel also in 90 days.

 

I’m 71. I too was sexually abused by a male teacher in high school who was a mentor for about 4 years. Luckily I was never penetrated but hundreds of bjs on me. Interestingly I would never let him kiss me. Somehow I thought this was reserved for who I would love. It led me to promiscuity, drugs, alcohol and sex (still just bjs from men.) I married and was always drawn to the idea of bjs from men when I was stressed or denied access to sex from my wife. I supposed somehow this was not being unfaithful as it was “only sex”. About two years ago I joined Nofap because of porn addiction which satisfied ss fantasies. I ended telling my wife of 45 years and my three adult children. I also became determined to free myself by Confronting and forgiving my abuser. I am a man of faith. I did not approach him with anger or hate but wanted him to know the pain and conflict it caused me over the last 50 years. We talked and he told me about his own sexual abuse and I could see how this led him to do what he did to me. I would say these actions did more to heal me than anything else. Yes, I still have some recurring gay urges but they do t frighten or torment me like they did. I just hold to the belief that just accept them but I do not have to act on them. This has brought me great peace. I only wish I had done this when I was younger. 50 years is a long time. I thank God for all the blessings he brought me in spite of my brokenness. I pray too others can come to peace over their conflicts. Good luck my friend. It is a terrible and difficult row we hoe.
BTW my wife and children were all very supportive. I am even able to consider my wounded abuser, a friend now as he has not been as fortunate as I have been in life. He is in his 80s now.

 

Wow sorry for what happened to you too. You are far more evolved than me I have prayed for them say I forgave them. But thinking about it get random flashbacks still want to hurt the few remaining abusers. Part of me wants to pray there is a hell may they have more hotter fore in their pit.

Thanks again for sharing it's a hard thing to share.

 

This is, in my experience, a helpful way to approach so much of what I experience in recovery: the urges, the impulses, the fantasies, the recalls, the ideas that I have to do this or must do that. Accept but do not act. The result of this? Great peace. Thanks for the reminder, @Breadman.

 

but if you have them for years why keep fighting it.\? It may be the true you right? I know a woman that was married but really bisexual/lesbian she tried to repress her true sexuality and went into serious depression suicidal ideation alcoholism and when she became true to her real self she felt better and the depression went away. Im not presumptuous not saying that's you, but could that possible be you?

 

I am all for following impulses, urges and attractions that align with what you call the 'true you'. As the woman you mention suggests, not doing this can have serious consequences.

At the same time, I do not believe a person in the throes of porn addiction can distinguish the 'true you' from the 'porn you' with accuracy or reliability. Pornography use - especially through the medium of high speed internet - distorts our perception of self and others. Excessive use distorts excessively.

This is why I try to let my impulses and so on simply be to some extent. Until I have a certain degree of porn sobriety, I know from experience that they are not a trustworthy source of guidance or direction. In fact, I know darn well that porn-supported impulses are very poor sources of guidance and direction.

 

The more the taboo or fetish porn you watch can confuse your own understanding of the sexuality of yourself. Its the fantasy your chasing and of course the dopamine levels your at to satisfy it.
Only you know what you are attracted to. Its the sex that you want even if its towards what you aren't actually attracted to.
Love n sex are different things.
Do nofap hardmode for atleast 3 months and after that, you'll be clear on your sexual orientation.

 

I’ve been reading some of those replies. I’m openly gay, 100% comfortable with my sexual orientation. But when I was addicted to sex I started to fantasize about women, and it felt wrong. Once I quit it, those thoughts just stopped. Ain’t life bizarre sometimes?

 

I had to create an account just to post on this topic. Been lurking here for a past week and this forum helped me deal with my porn addiction. Thing is, my go to porn was trans/CD/sissy for a past few years and it all started much earlier.

I'm not sure if this is a trigger or not, but be warned.

From the beginning, and I can't even remember when exactly all started, I accidently stumbled upon a video with a transwoman in it. A cute girl was sitting on a chair, her legs crossed, sucking a guy. There was nothing wrong with it, right? Well, as I started to get off, in a few seconds time, she spreads her legs and a massive cock (at least it looked like that to me) jumps out swinging left and right. To say at least, it scared the shit out of me. I closed the tab as quickly as I could, and started contemplating. Wtf just happened? Did I just jerked on girl with dick? Am I gay now?

Nevertheless, I closed everything and tried to forget about it. A long time has passed after that and I just continued to watch vanilla stuff. However, once again I stumbled on the same video, but his time I knew what it was. At that point, vanilla stuff didn't quite do it for me anymore, it became boring. As you can guess, I opened cute transwoman girl video and started watching. I didn't jerk or anything, I just watched and observed what I was feeling and does it excite me in any way. So what can I say? I felt nervous, like I was doing something I shouldn't do, and I liked it. As soon as I realized that I liked it, I panicked and closed everything once again. A few days passed, and I opened it again. This time I didn't just watch it. I will not lie, it was fantastic, I found a new thing and pornography was once again interesting. The problem was, after a while, I started to question my sexuality and it kinda bothered me. I was only ever attracted to women, not men, and here I am getting off like there is no tomorrow on guys that looked like girls. Who to talk about that? How to say to someone: ''Hey, I kinda jerk off to guys that look like girls and have dicks, whats more, I like it a lot.''

Well, I googled it. To my surprise, I was not the only one. All over the reddit, many people asked the same questions. Similar circumstances, stories and insecurities. Answers were all the same, trans women are women, you are not gay, or you are at least bi. Nothing is wrong with you, and I held on to it. Nothing is wrong with me . Well, wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

There was something wrong with me. It was not being gay or bi, or having fetishes. It was me falling down the rabbit hole that is porn addiction. Around that time nofap was not a thing, or at least I didn't hear about it yet, so there was no one to warn me about that bullshit and how will it ruin the quality of my life in the long run.

For all I knew, porn was not dangerous, masturbation is healthy, I might be bisexual and I'm not the only one. I remember that I had clear boundaries on what I will look at. Only feminine looking trans, no crossdressers and no gay porn. Well, boundaries got blurry with time and I was more and more liberal with my preferences. Of course I ended up jerking off to all kinds of stuff. Trans, cd, sissy, femboy porn.

This might seem all over the place, but stick with me for a moment.

It continued for years, and I knew I had a problem with porn because I couldn't stop. I changed girls over the years and that brings me to my current girlfriend. We have been together for two years now. The breaking point was a few months ago when we were on a vacation together. As we were together all the time, we had sex quite often but I noticed that I was not satisfied. What happened was, it didn't matter if we had sex or not, if I was horny or not, I found myself unable to resist the urges to jerk off to trans girls/crossdressers/sissies/whatevs. I would snuck up in bathroom while she fell asleep and I would go on reddit and look for previously mentioned subreddits so I can get off.

When I would be done with my shameful acts, I would feel instant regret, shame, all kinds of negative emotions. I didn't want to do that to her, it just wasn't right, I felt like I betrayed her or something and right then and there, I decided to stop with P and M. I was so happy that I stopped with it, I will not betray and disrespect her like that ever again. I was a free man once again, at least until she fell asleep TOMMOROW night, and there I was ONCE AGAIN jerking of in a bathroom. Jesus Christ. I was fucked up. I am fucked up. Not because I might be bisexual, but because I am a fucking addict.

There were a dozen more problems that came up with my porn addiction. ED from time to time, low libido, I would rather choose to watch porn and jerk off than have sex with my girl, a real woman who I actually love and who is lying next to me.

That is why I decided to stop with PM. Because I started to chose something that is not real over the real human being with whom I share a genuine connection.

And the thing with my sexual orientation?

I don't mind being bi, but what bothers me is that I don't want to jerk off to pictures of some people that I don't even now, people who essentially are not part of my reality. You see guys, I should not know that trans/cd/sissy people even exist because if not for porn, I would never come across someone like that, and I did not came across someone like that in my life. The way I should find out about them is to meet them spontaneously in real life, then see for myself if I was attracted to that person and if anything would happen between us. If something would happen tho, it would be real and we could decide then if we liked it and if we wanted to continue it. Real life experience, genuine connection and attraction, not one I pushed myself in because of porn and chasing a better high. Moreover, if I were in a scenario where I am in a relationship with a fem guy in girl clothes who is sleeping next to me, and I sneak out in the bathroom to jerk off to something unreal, I would feel like shit all over again.

This kinda ended up longer than I thought it would be. With that said.

I'm PM free for 3 weeks now and I hope it will continue like this without a relapse (started a month ago, but relapsed after a week). In the future, if I stay PM free, I might return being straight only, but if that doesn't happen, I will be okay with that. I don't want to judge myself, I want to enjoy who I am and indulge my fetishes (if healty ofc) but with real people in real life and porn free. The main goal here is to stop watching porn! All the good things will come after (or at least i hope so). Cheers!

 

How long have you been free? I can see what your saying but if been free a year or better and still want to be gay/ bi when you normally relate hetro maybe bi could be your true identity.

I have not beat off in almost 9 days and not looked at porn in 4 and been thinking about sucking BBC and fucking womenn and me and woman too sharing a cock too all day and thinking about my wife me and another women about the same.. so really craving any sex right now but not stopping hopefully until 30 days. Before I fuck my wife or my new FWB gf said need to do this to fuck her better. I have broken out in sweats over 20x since said no more body aches head aches confusion mind fog sweating like going ng through opiate withdrawal.

As I said if at 90 days a year still like sucking vovk and being bi I just got ng to accept it I'm bi . But as I said I know I'm not gay I love being a bottom and cum from it Al be but not giving up women and doing the fucking either.

 

TRIGGER WARNING

I wanted to say am surprised I can even get hard. My other thing the triple whammy Childhood Sex Abuse, PTSd where porn perfect choice to be distant from wife, and wife getting sick wanted no sex my marriage has been sexless since March of 2018 not even but a hand full of begrudged blow jobs. So when you knew I want getting anything sexually no bother to ask her try to get it answer no always.

I was horny all the time so I watched porn and masturbated for last 2.5 years 4 to 8 x a day every day. To everything under the sun from lesbian mff bi threeways, mmf bi three ways iteracial bi and and gay porn especially like BBC fucking daddies , BBC hypno porn excyra .


Then I had the urge to act out after wife's blessing and I loved the real sex too felt to good the first time bottoming for a big dicked man orgasmed hands free was hooked but still loved sex with women mostly mmf bi me big dicked man and a woman an escort to watch me get topped and help humiliate me but be turned on too watching me be dommed by the big dicked man.

So it's way too soon to know if my mind on porn dopamine overload temporally changed my true sexual identity. And wonder after crossing over from mind porn to actual sex maybe no going back actually since I actually like the physical sensations of all bi and gay things I did as an adult. Not as kid being raped.

 

I have a problem with this myself. I am a sissy porn addicted and a crossdresser addicted. From 11 ( when i started watching porn) to 16-17 i fapped exclusively to straight porn, but since then i started crossdressing ( a custom i used to do also when i was 6-7 years but without any sexual conotation, i just enjoyed wearing women lingerie) and watching this kind of porn till now when i am 23 years old. From 21 to 22 i managed to make a one year streak but i relapsed as a result of a homosexual dream i had. So after one year of NO PMO, i dreamed about men and woke up very horny and fapped and destroyed my streak. Now i ask you.... does this mean i am gay? i mean when i hang out i never turn my head after men, i always found women atractive. Maybe the lack of any sexual experience ( i am still a virgin) contributed in my case in this problem... i even got a girlfriend and i feel well when i am near her, i find cuddling and kissing with her very exciting, but i cannot perform sex because of ED. Although my gay sexual desires didnt dissapear even after 1 year.... I am really confused.

 

No you aren't gay, I too have the same problem, I got bored of straight porn and got trapped into man on man action, but this is just the addiction finding something else to keep the fire going,
Yes, I too fantasize of men but this happens whenever I'm horny or oon NoFap(pre-Nut) or even when I accidentally find myself on gay men accounts on social media but in real life, I've never found myself attracted to any man I've come across or hangout with, realizing that made me more at peace
Would I be devastated if I found out I'm Bisexual? No, Although my family and community would(I live in a very homophobic country)

Just don't beat yourself up, If you need a buddy to talk to, I'm available, just hit me up!

 

I seem not to have an attraction men only their cocks IKR makes no sense. With women everything about them mind body soul. Their feel their voices their looks and could and have spent long term together.

I cannot see myself marrying a man romantic with a man like I have with women. But still want it appears sex only with them with another woman involved. As I said even if in a hurry to find a woman will pay escort to join. Finding men on A4A Grindr Doublelist easy finding women to play with mm harder.

I'm glad I found this site 10 days no masturbating still very horny if I reach 30 days be a miracle all I'm thinking of is sex 24/7

 

Years of watching porn (even vanilla porn) can wire your brain to associate seeing penises with arousal and sexual pleasure. This can easily be misconstrued as gay attraction when its pretty much just crossed wires.

 

I'm a bi female (yes that has sustained post porn consumption) and this is completely correct! No matter if you are male or female, SEXUAL ACTIONS are not equal to SEXUALITY. It's about what you truly like in the real world. Not what you think you'll like.

 

Atomic

Yeah that may be the case as I have been reading here way too soon to know what my natural sexuality is and what all worked up from thousands of hours watching straight bi gay sissy hypno BBC hypno lesbian mff three-way .

I am still in a constant state of arousal after now on 10th day of no beating off and 4 days ?? Free of watching porn. But have Dec de my 29th Wedding anniversary this weekend if we are alone and she wants sex I'm going to give her 10 days worth.

It may bee too soon but this will be real sex with a real woman touch compared to visual possibly help rewire things. My Reas Nung if she initaes it I shouldn't neglect her it's not her fault I fucked myself up this way with porn .

What do you guys think of only orgasm with another real person no M or P just sex with another person. My only fear is after I cum the first time if she wore out and I'm going to want more will take some will power I'm sure.

Thanks