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Should I quit school to beat this addiction?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Nautica, Oct 9, 2020.

  1. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    I have all porn blocked for eternity on my phone with these apps
    -Detoxify
    -Blocker
    -Everaccountable


    On my computer I also have cold turkey installed. But I've been relasping with my computer due to the fact that you can download force uninstallers that bypass uninstall pins and locks. So I decided fuck it, and used the cold turkey feature that blocks the entire internet and the other feature that allows you to whitelist certain websites that you need access too.

    However today I downloaded one of those Uninstaller software files on my phone and just transferred it to my computer with my SD card adapter and relasped 4 times this morning. I threw out those SD card adapters, and I can't use USB cables because I have to allow them through my phone settings, which I have blocked with detoxify. I could factory reset my phone and computer, but those take hours to do and delete all your files, so the urge will.be long gone so it would be pointless. I should be in prime position to never relaspe again, but I've seen this same story plenty of times and somehow I'll probably find another way to relaspe . I really just want to smash this fucking laptop but I need it for school

    Im a senior with 2 more semesters left in Uni, but I just want to drop out. I'm studying a field I don't care about because my parents kept telling me I HAD to go to college after highschool. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life at that time so I just agreed. I finally figured out what I want to do in my life which is making music, and drawing/writing a series I've been day dreaming about for years. But now I'm already thousands of dollars in debt.

    Due to depression and a lack of drive caused by an imbalanced hormonal system and fried dopamine receptors due to porn and masturbation, Ive hardly spent anytime on my goals. I've barely improved on electric guitar and I haven't even touched it in weeks. I barely work on writing my story, and I haven't even started working on developing any drawing skills. Ontop of that I work a graveyard shift at Amazon 4 days out the week. Also I noticed the mental focus, creativity, and clarity just isn't there after I relaspe and dosent start opening up until day 7 or so, which I barely can even make it to, although that shouldn't be a problem now. I dont even see the point in working on my goals if I'm just gonna keep relasping.

    I want to just drop out of school, trash this laptop, and finally be free of this addiction and just focus on improving my skills in music and art so I can make money off of my passions instead of slaving for some corporate company.

    I make enough money from Amazon to pay my rent and feed myself with some money left over, and if I can develop skills in my passions I can make more money on the side, doing things I actually care about. I really think the best option here is to just raise the stakes and drop out of school. I'm tired of not taking risk and sitting back living a pathetic medicore life.
     
    | The Monk | and Asgardian36 like this.
  2. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    A lot of the "superpower" claims when quitting PMO are just myths. Every problem is not because of PMO either. I excelled in school (summa cum laude - no pun intended) even in the heights of this addiction. Putting off school may just be an occasion of never returning again - then you have a lost education and probably are dabbling in PMO still. You'd only feel doubly in a cesspool then.

    Pursue your education and career goals as quite independent of PMO recovery, regardless of how many times you fall - you are always a better person for trying and striving, than even if you beat this addiction on the first attempt. Maybe that's much of where you need to grow - in character and stamina. Keep up your studies, and relapsing need not crush you or be the imagined reason for all your troubles. Only be disappointed if you give up trying. So, basically, don't quit or give up anything, except PMO, time and again and again and again. And that's okay, too!

    .
     
    RaXaZ, PeterGrip, CArT_Vader and 2 others like this.
  3. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    I'm not imagining any of this though. Fapping literally destroys my drive to do anything and then I have depression stacked on that. I just can't concentrate long enough or reach that next level while relasping.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  4. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    A lot of things can "destroy drive to do anything and compound depression," not just Nofap. Yes, PMO relapse has its disappointments, but believing PMO relapse is the source of all your problems, destruction, and depressions is simply giving relapse more power than it actually has. It literally becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. What I'm saying is to lighten up on this whole enterprise. Pursue your education and career goals as quite independent of whether you succeed with Nofap or not. If you don't want to turn around this way, then you are just intentionally and unnecessarily destroying yourself, which is my very point - which was your initial belief at the beginning. It's up to you. You'll ague toward your own defeat; why not argue toward your own success.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  5. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    But where else am I suppose to get the drive from then? I figured if I raised the stakes, that would be a good way. I've also been thinking about getting my hands on adderall or some type of nootropic. I already tried out one called "Qualia mind" but it was a complete scam. Is it necessary to pursue school however? Like I said what I'm studying, I don't care about. Id rather work keep working at Amazon and develop music and art skills on the side and make money off those things until I can take off big in them.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  6. SynapticMagic

    SynapticMagic Fapstronaut

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    If you're not studying something you're passionate about, then I would suggest you drop out until you actually have a legitimate game plan. There is no sense taking a bunch of classes when you really have no idea what the end goal is. I'm taking behavioural neuroscience specifically because I want to get a PhD in neuroscience, and because it gives me the authority and education to be a better life coach. Literally every action I take is audited again and again to make sure that it is in line with my purpose on this planet, a purpose that I have painstakingly defined over years of education and introspection. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. However, because I am so clear in what I'm doing I am on an asymptotic trajectory toward my definition of perfection. You must do the same.
     
    Asgardian36, JoeinMD and Nautica like this.
  7. Joseph Campbell

    Joseph Campbell Fapstronaut

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    I respect that idea, for the record... Tricky shit though, cause if you let the newfound freetime get away from you then you'll be left with doubley nothing, like somebody mentioned above... So development of discipline is completely essential... Maybe you could make a pact to yourself for the rest of the semester to stay disciplined and focused, not anything crazy like straight A+'s and complete sobriety, but a daily and weekly routine that improves in efficiency every week. Then by the end of the semester you won't have wasted the money on current credits, and most importantly you will have a realistic idea of your ability to stay disciplined, and then if it feels like a clear and honest decision, like the right move, you can step away from your formal studies and use that energy to study yourself, find your disciplines and passions and make a real life for yourself.

    I will say that I tried to do that about seven years ago, and instead of doing all that dope shit I just did a lotta dope n shit... I did some travelling and heavy thinking which was valuable, but I ended up always telling myself I'd get my shit together the next day, and spent hours thinking up the perfect plan for success and I'd never follow through. Shit got real bad for me a bit over a year ago and I moved to my home state and am back in school now to finish my degree. I know the content of my studies doesn't align with my personal cosmic stars like some perfect movie arc, but it is providing me a solid practice ground for developing discipline which I will use when I have the opportunity to work on the kind of stuff that makes me come alive inside.

    Also... Life gets fucked so quick sometimes... Having that goofy collegiate piece of paper but more importantly some real techniques and skills that can apply to a job and a real life can act as a lifelong foundation for you to have the courage to make the big moves and take the big risks in life when they do so seldomly show themselves... Food for thought meng, I wish ya manymuch luck, these are difficult decisions and usually the right path is hiding somewhere in the grey.
     
    RaXaZ, Nautica and Marshall 5 like this.
  8. You’ve invested a lot of time and money in this degree already, and there are only two semesters left to go. You don’t like what you’re studying and don’t want to continue in the field. That’s good to know, and you should not feel trapped for life. But an undergrad degree of some kind might be necessary for future opportunities outside of this field that you can’t anticipate. It’s superficial and probably it shouldn’t work that way, but that’s the way it is. Why not do whatever it takes to get through these two semesters? Even if grades aren’t great, just get through it. Can you take some different kinds of courses that are more interesting next semester? Then, when this is over, say goodbye to that field for good and find your own path.

    There are lots of stories out there about people who dropped out of school and then went on to become wealthy businessmen or artists. These are inspiring but don’t get too caught up in them. Look at the specifics of your own position.
     
  9. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    Thanks alot man. I'm going to start aligning myself with my purpose. I'll finish out this semester and move on. I find I usually do better when I plan out my days ahead of time too but relapses would stop me from continuing with that, which shouldn't happen again.
     
  10. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro. Yeah, my plan is to finish out the rest of the semester and do my assignments on time to develop some discipline, than drop out. I'm going to be planning out my days ahead of time so I don't start winging things and getting off track. The biggest benefits I hear from people on long streaks are more focused, brain fog gone, confident, and very energetic, which should easily improve my self control and discipline.

    But do I really need a college degree when I want to draw/write and make music? I see people making thousands a month doing commissions or patreon content. That's what I want to do
     
    Joseph Campbell likes this.
  11. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    Well, I actually might have 4 semesters left, 3 if I do summer school, but is a degree really necessary for my field of interest? I see people making thousands a month on youtube, patreon, commissions etc. If my dreams were to get a higher position at amazon than I would understand and absolutely finish. I read up about how having backup plans are actually detrimental towards your dreams. Raising the stakes and giving no options to turn back to mediocrity is apparently the best way to go.
     
  12. That is a big difference, 4 semesters left instead of 2. That could change the calculations. The degree isn't necessary for the activities you described, but it might end up being useful to have it as your career takes unexpected turns. You just can't know yet. I guess that's why these decisions are difficult.

    Freelance careers in the arts take serious dedication and organization. I'm sure you know that already. A lot of people these days make a living from multiple sources. So you might be raising your profile on youtube and making some money selling your work but also teaching or having some other source of income to keep your head above water financially. That's not a backup plan. It's a standard part of the game for many people. Just a thought. You'll do fine no matter what you choose, man, as long as you put in the time and effort every day. Good luck.
     
  13. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    See, there are other demotivating factors than PMO - you're studying something you dislike. That's a big thing. You need to turn that around and study what you may enjoy and find interesting. Take responsibility. If you love music, find a practical line of study that might support being in music business one day or some other foundation to fall on as well. There are also musical and art programs to study - just get that degree for future doors opening for you. But, if you want to quit school ultimately, then you may have to do just that for now.
     
    Nautica likes this.
  14. SynapticMagic

    SynapticMagic Fapstronaut

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    I should have said, my roommate is a musician that switched from pure and applied mathematics to music, and then dropped out of music because he realized he could get a much better education on his own. A year later he's collaborating with Hollywood film composers. Nothing major yet, but he's working with them. He also releases albums for music licensing and has begun working on metal albums for spotify. I'm not sure what website he uses for music licensing, but so far he makes a couple hundred each month just doing that. He works 10 - 12 hours a day though. If you want it bad enough, you'll do what's necessary to make it happen.
     
  15. First off, I think using pornblockers, deleting social media and shit is a horrible idea. I think it's better to train yourself to resist the triggers that the internet, social media and technology in general elicits, because lets be honest, it's 2020 and there's no running away from triggers. Secondly, only 2 semesters left? Just complete it bro so you have something to fall back on and to make your parents proud/satisfied, then do whatever you want from there, it's only 2 semesters dude.
     
  16. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

    @Nautica Hey man, what subject is your degree on? I would stick with it and finish the 4 semesters, as a backup or to have it as just another source of income down the line when you prioritize your Patreon productions.

    I have a similar issue. I work doing something that I don’t like. I thought about quitting my job to exercise the creative part of me and draw more and do more graphic design, and programming.

    But here’s the thing: Even on my days where I don’t work, it turns out that even if that’s what I say “I want to do” and dream of..... I exercise, watch videos on exercise and think about exercise instead. So the story I keep trying to force on myself, may not be accurate at all. Perhaps my passion is a combination of the three, perhaps it’s just that I don’t care as much for design and programming as I tell myself and I need to dig deeper.

    With that being said, I have two questions for you:
    • If you for sure had no urges, and no UNI breathing down your back, are you certain that you will pick up your guitar and play? What’s your end goal with music anyway?
    • On a day completely at peace, and on a winter break from UNI - would you sit down and sketch and practice drawing?

    If the answer is “Fuck YES. I don’t know why this fool is even asking” Then it’s time to carve time into these things. An hour or half hour of daily or semi daily is all you need to get these two passions prioritized.

    if you cannot answer the question, or if it’s a No, that’s OK. Now you can embark on finding out what you are actually passionate about.
     
  17. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    Bro....i'm sorry you are in this position, man! You don't have to continue school if you don't want to. But don't accept that PMO is causing you not to finish it. I suggest you take a break instead of quitting it altogether. I am not sure what's your major, but if its anything that could help you get a better job, then you might wanna consider finish it at some point. You think other folks love what they do?? Sometimes we gotta do stuff to make money, as an Amazon worker i'm sure you know that more than I do.


    If you can afford to live on your own you should do that. I know it feels like PMO is making your life miserable. But ANY HABIT CAN BE MADE OR BROKEN. Remember that bro. There's hope. You are already a hustler, man! You need to believe in yourself. Start with small goals. Weekly goals and then progress from there.

    Its just me, but I think the whole P blockers are BS, man! We set them up and then when the urges hit, we work our way around it. its useless....instead, uninstall all the blockers and have an app on your phone. like MDF or Sober Time....track your relapses and look back, man! Have accountability partners. Make a list of goals in excel and break it down to steps and take action. Goodluck!
     
  18. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    Agriculture is what im studying. And absolutely if i had no UNI and urges, all my free time would be spent on my dreams bro
     
    ruso likes this.
  19. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    Ive tried resisting with just willpower for 6 years bro. Never worked. You can't resist with power and self control that you don't have. I like to think of that story with the sailor who was sailing with his crew past an island of sirens. All men who heard the sirens songs were entrapped by them and could not resist them. So the captain rather than relying on willpower had his men tie him up and strap him to the flagpole so he physically could not go to the sirens.

    I actually have 4 more semesters, maybe 3 If I do summer school. I dont care about making my parents proud tbh, atleast not when it comes to graduating college and I have to continue suffering in a bad situation.
     
  20. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

    Got it. Well in that case I recommend doing a pros and cons chart, for quitting or not UNI. Then ultimately make a decision. Once the decision is made, you must accept it, and not dwell in hindsight or question it or regret it. That I feel is the key to really pushing your creative pursuits further.
     

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