Not sure how much to tell my gf

I think what you've written here is a good start, just remind her that this is something you want to do for both of yours sake, if she appears uncomfortable at first don't let it all out and give her time to process it I'm not sure what her prior knowledge or notions are so it's hard to predict but I feel she would understand. Say what you feel comfortable telling her and remember overtime you can open up more.

 

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“you dont think it’s as big a problem, as most here?” You’re literally only 19 and having a problem with sex with your girlfriend. It’s a big problem. Now, if you completely stop pmo and never have urges or temptations or slip back into it, not even just this once. Then I’d agree you don’t have a problem. However, by the time it affects your sex life, it’s already a big problem. Your 19! You should not be losing your erection. Unless you have serious health issues.

 

Hallo kleiner Tiger,
I guess, I'm with Psalm's 'straight talk' approach: being 19 years losing erection during sex for no reason is a fucking concern IF it happens regularly. I guess there are some things to figure out here and going no PM would be a good start to get this process going. Personally, I would keep things to myself until I knew more but that's all about how you feel most comfortable.

 

hey, its totally fine that you tell your gf about your addiction,( provided you know for a fact that your gf wont get freaked out by it, in that case you should not tell her or not tell her about all of it).
BUT,
when you decide to tell your gf things change, she might help you, or you might have to assure her that you would fix itt on your own... and you MUST CHANGE , or MAKE PROGRESS.

I told my gf about my addiction almost a year ago, she helped me a lot...she asked me to tell her everytime i relapsed and I did, and things were all good for 5 months or so when I was indeed changing and getting better...
But then I started watching porn again and the first few times i told her she flipped out, and slowly I got used to lying to her... So fast forward a year and 2020,corona and lockdown happened.. I ve been wanking off loads more now that I was stuck at home and I got into weird and new crazy things and eventually one day i decided to tell her about all this...
She was astonished that i didnt change, and my new crazy fetishes upset her more,
that along with communication issues and insecurity ( cause i was beating myself down for being a PMO addict)
led for her to lose attraction and eventually breakup with me two months ago.

So, if you are gonna tell her be absolutely sure that you CAN AND WILL CHANGE for the better, if you have any doubts regarding that its bettter if you work on it yourself first and after a few months of progress tell her about it.

 

If you’re in a relationship and having sex, lying will always destroy it. You protected your addiction and desire to lust over your girlfriend. That’s why she left you. You left her by choosing your addiction and lying. Although painful to hear of our spouses relapses, it is the lying that finally kills everything. You didn’t want to face the hurt you caused her, so you lied. Understand this, when you told her about your addiction she stayed and tried to help. Then you relapsed, it hurt her, she responds with anger, and hurt. You decide you can’t handle that so,you begin to lie, and that is what we can’t handle. The lies. Get help. Because this addiction, the lies and betrayal that go with it, will never allow you to have a healthy, honest, loving relationship.

 

Tell the truth. Always tell the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it is. How uncomfortable you are will never compare to the hurt you will eventually cause your significant other. Addiction thrives on lies. It falters in connection (with a live partner). To even consider not telling your gf is evidence that you are addicted. You can do it. The pain will be dwarfed by the future post-PMO you.

 

Always, always, always tell the truth. The whole truth. Don't minimize.

Also do not try and MAKE her feel anything. Just tell the truth. She gets to decide how she reacts. She gets to decide if she is worried.

Making her feel something or perceive this in a certain way is manipulation.

Learn from the men here who have told their SO's the wrong way.

Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

 

she's long gone man.. its been more than six months and she had blocked me after 2 months(without me ever texting or bothering her ) right after the breakup i was all better , I had a good streak for 60 something days and i was exercising and setting and accomplishing goals, life is indeed better now.. but this shit,pmo came back bro.. slowly and slowly it crept upon me , from 2020 September,from when i first relapsed after the breakup to today, its creeped upon me and has again destroyed everything that i build up after she left..like my positive mindset(which still remains a bit) ,the fetishes i overcomed like watching horror porn,bestiality,bondage etc( i used to suck my own dick and lick my own cum man!! now i ve come back to licking my cum again but haven't crossed to sucking , my exercise routine that i build-up has been ruined, and i struggle to keep a good streak again now..
2020 march was the time i got to a whole-time low of my existece and lost a beautiful relationship(for which i dont blame myself entirely now cause LDR sure added to the problems) ,and then i rose up and everyone told me i had changed. i even helped many people who were struggling back then.. but now its march 2021 and i find myself going back to the same hellhole i was in last year at the same time. right now i ve relapsed after a one day streak, so I've relapsed almost every 3-4 days this year except a 15 day streak from jan- feb( which started strong cause i accidentally saw her and that motivated me) ...
I type this now shamed and broken, head filled with stuff i ve done..I ve just watched a lot of porn ( which i searched up suddenly while i was reading the traffiking-hub post on nofap.com, which i opened to report my last relapse which was in the morning, just as i was running late to pick my lil brother from school ( i could've just waited a few more minutes??) and you know what? after watching porn and relapsing doing it twice, i wanked off to my ex's photo!! wow pathetic? isn't it?! i used to feel good about myself and had finally felt she had lost someone good, but now i feel like i totally deserved it and that she was right in leaving me cause i never change!!!!
i know the path i have to follow but i dont know why i m not doing it, i cant stay true to my goals cause i m constantly being distracted by social media( i ve uninstalled IG multiple times but i find something else always). I worked out in the morning, made a list of stuff i have to do today, but then i snapped my friends and got lost just like that..
oh god help me i m such a loser!!!

 

itsallme, it’s ok. Take a minute, breath deep, and let it all go. All the guilt, the worry, the shame, the self doubt, let it go. Before you can get back to moving forward, you have to get this weight off your shouldered

 

thanks man, i was so disgusted at myself back then.. I looked past how much I ve grown since she left. I cant change what i did, atleast I can let it go and make changes in the future?? is that wrong of me to do? letting go of all the shit I ve done?

 

Precisely the opposite! You can learn from the past and apply it to the future, but to ruminate on the past is just time and energy, intellect, spirit, down the drain... guilt, holding on to bad things, negativity, will drive you right back to compulsive porn use. Let it all go, and move forward, one day, one hour, one step at a time. Believe in yourself!

 

You guys are so helpful. Thank you. I chose to go forward, to accept my past and learn from it. And I feel like I can do it. as you said, one step at a time.

after typing that Suddenly I'm scared Its a good feeling when I am going forward but sometimes I fall back and it all comes back. idk, Is that not believing in myself or being practical about it? should I expect downfalls or is that a self fulfilling prophecy and I should believe I ll not fall again?? I m sorry I do feel good but I think I m just confused.

 

The right mix is probably some of both. One day at time, built upon the idea that I’m done with porn, it can’t be part of my life anymore. I think that’s a more powerful perspective? Keep pushing forward. I believe in you.

 

thanks for believing in me bro..