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Porn addiction made me think I'm gay, lost gf

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Stroketter, Sep 2, 2020.

  1. Sep 2, 2020 #1
    Stroketter

    Stroketter Fapstronaut

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    This happened some months ago but never actually have written it out so thought I'd get this off my chest.

    I had been jacking it to gay porn for about 2 years until 6 months ago. Last year I had sex with my roommate (male) BC I had convince myself I'm gay BC of all the gay porn. When I was a kid I liked girls, actually I always did like girls so was always attracted to female bodies and had crushes on girls not guys. I discovered porn as a kid and the usual story I searched for more taboo things, so eventually I discovered gay porn made me really excited. I know this is now because I saw it as "wrong" and therfore exciting in my brain because I'm not gay.

    But the porn led me to start real life fantasizing about my guy friends. And I eventually convinced myself I have to be gay if I'm thinking like this. But it felt wrong and disappointing to tell myself this. So it did escalate to me having sex with a man, my roommate even though I didnt actually have any attraction to him, and I was really distressed by the fact I did this. It wasn't enjoyable for me and I didn't even cum. I hurt my dick and felt so gross after. It made things so awkward for my roommate and was a massive mistake. But I carried on watching the gay porn after.

    I got a gf after that and then 6 months ago my roommate told her I had sex with him, she then got upset and ended up looking at my phone and found all my gay porn. And basically because that was the only porn I looked at then, she left me thinking I'm gay. Basically BC she was upset thinking I lied she told all my friends I had gay sex and I'm gay etc and still now I just constantly get called a f*g by everyone I know.

    I'm not homophobic but because I'm not actually gay this all really bother me. I don't care that I lost my gf because really she wasn't for me, but it does feel like porn has caused all these problems I wouldn't have otherwise and I do feel sick with myself over it.

    I quit porn and now I don't have any sexual thoughts about guys anymore. I'm 100% straight. Just left with this disgust with myself which feeds into my masterbation addiction.
     
    Stroketter, Sep 2, 2020
    Stroketter, Sep 2, 2020
    #1
    Pot3bic, k3muthomi and Little Prince like this.
  2. Sep 2, 2020 #2
    InappropriateUsername

    InappropriateUsername Fapstronaut

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    Nothing wrong with being gay or being attracted to men. However it sounds like you're not truly attracted to men which is causing you some serious discord.

    Stop the porn.
    Get a new roommate or tell him that what happened between you and him should stay there.
     
    InappropriateUsername, Sep 2, 2020
    InappropriateUsername, Sep 2, 2020
    #2
    Industriilor, +TenPercent, Tryingto and 1 other person like this.
  3. Sep 2, 2020 #3
    Emanuil

    Emanuil Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    It seems that you’ve managed to solve a problem with SSA that’s bothering a lot of guys on NoFap right now. Congrats on your progress! Maybe you should share some tips that could help them, cause I don’t see anyone of them doing so well.
    Anyway, it seems that the only problem you are having right now is the feeling of “disgust about yourself”. As someone who had the same problem, I can tall you that you don’t need to feel ashamed, disgusted about yourself at all. In fact, it's good that all that happened, because that way you had a better insight into the problem and you solved it easier. Life goes on, I’m sure you’ll find the right girlfriend for you and better friends.
     
    Emanuil, Sep 2, 2020
    Emanuil, Sep 2, 2020
    #3
    +TenPercent and Stroketter like this.
  4. Sep 2, 2020 #4
    Fallacious D

    Fallacious D Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    jesus christ...

    stay and chill here for a while, we'll help you get through this
     
    Fallacious D, Sep 2, 2020
    Fallacious D, Sep 2, 2020
    #4
    Stroketter and thinking_differently like this.
  5. Sep 2, 2020 #5
    thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

    1,219
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    P has weird influences on people.

    But okay, it’s over now. You stopped P. For good.
    You have Found your identity, in a difficult way, but yes You did.

    Just stay aware boii.
    You got this.
     
    thinking_differently, Sep 2, 2020
    thinking_differently, Sep 2, 2020
    #5
    Stroketter likes this.
  6. Oct 11, 2020 #6
    AKUNT_5891

    AKUNT_5891 Fapstronaut

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    Yu might be bi but why even worry so much about it?
     
    AKUNT_5891, Oct 11, 2020
    AKUNT_5891, Oct 11, 2020
    #6
  7. Oct 12, 2020 #7
    15 y/o max

    15 y/o max Fapstronaut

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    Almost the same thing happened to me if you want you can see my story in my profile, if you need to talk to someone I will be there
     
    15 y/o max, Oct 12, 2020
    15 y/o max, Oct 12, 2020
    #7

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