The START 2021 STRONGER Challenge [CLOSED]

Day 51...
Positive Vibes!!

 

Day 27 - The last few days been busy at work and with DIY home projects. Not much time or energy left for anything else. If I ran myself into ground every day from physical activity I'd probably never PMO. Thankful for a clean weekend.

 

Thankyou so much buddy. This is going to help me alot. Just came back home yesterday and trying my best.

 

Glad to read BC. I have done the same. I have always felt that the 1 day badge is so motivating as it is symbolic of getting back into the game. It is the start of of our next great streaks!

 

Day 16 done
Day 17

 

Day 19, no doubt it was the worst day on this streak, but managed to do it.

 

Day 13.

I am absolutely convinced of my powerlessness.

This is a good place to be. I don’t need to have power over this. What I do need is help from other people.

I have heard the following:

I am powerless, there is nothing I can do about it

Or

I am powerless, I am going to need help

I like the latter version.

cheers,
Tim

 

Day 52
Good Life .....!!

 

A little confused on the tiers. If I continue till Dec.31 clean, I will achieve 81 days, but I am in the 30-59 day tier. I am guessing because of the number of strikes?

It really does not matter. All that matters right now is I can have my best streak since 2009 if I accomplish my goal right now.

The fact is, as far as this challenge goes, I failed back when I first joined, however, I know I still need to gain motivation going into the New Year, which is more than numbers.

Good luck to all in our goals.

 

Start of day 14 ...

Probably the main symptom that I feel the most is no libido. I suppose I’ll take that over a hyperactive starved feeling. However, I’m in a long term relationship so this is challenging to say the least.

It’s a difficult task, for me, to be able to walk in another person’s shoes. I have difficulty with empathy. My reaction is to always have the other person understand what “I” am going through. I always make it about “me”.

Porn addiction is a major contributor this self centered view on life.

Today it would be good to forget about myself and my feelings, enough, to be there for someone else.

Happy Tuesday,
Tim

 

Day 29 - a calm last night and morning so far. At least for this present moment, my mind seems to be clearing a bit of the PMO storms (by this I mean imagery, memories of P that would present in my mind as objectified parts of women's bodies, which would urge me to look at more of that and then act out). The concept of objectification is significant in my mind, and I'm just thinking through this now. It seems that addressing the root cause of this focus on particular female body parts disconnected from the rest of her overall human being may be helpful. A body part does not exist on its own; it is attached to a person, that person should be respected. Maybe if I can take that P image and immediately relate it to the person overall (not in a sexual way) it might become less of a trigger. Kind of reprogramming my P memories, or even current P-sub images such as in person or other media, to disconnect the previous thought pattern of what would happen in those situations. But, I go back to my IRL situation with an attractive wife who meets my physical ideal and how that ramps up my desire when I look at her. This IRL environment has to be managed so as not to cause the objectification and subsequent behavior pattern. I'm four months into nofap journey and these are the more complex issues I'm facing, that I didn't even know about when I started. Stay strong today everyone.

 

Iv relapsed again. Chatrooms. Another strike please @BrohkenCompass
Iv finally got my child friendly phone up and running with restrictions that another person can control. The first phone I got the other day was faulty, so this meant I had to keep my phone with no restrictions on for emergencies. I spent hours in chatrooms. The other night I was in chatrooms till 6am. I'm not blaming the broken phone, I'm not blaming the people who sold me the phone, I'm not blaming anything outside myself. I accept 100% responsibility for my relapse. My unrestricted phone has gone, Iv smashed it up in pure rage. A peice of metal and glass can bring me so much pain.
Knowing someone else now has a passcode so I can't go into these chatrooms makes me feel calm.

Now I just want to move on and make this past week history. It's been awful. Chatrooms suck the life out of me.