nearly 1 week!

Day 7!

After today it will be a full week of not fapping. The past few weeks I made it to 7 days and usually relapsed by not having urges, but being stupid and doing it anyway. This time around I have those urges. Lastnight was close sjnce I was looking at triggers that really was too much for me. Fortuneately I didn't relapse. I will try and keep myself busy today. Overall I feel good despite not sleeping much lastnight, but I am horny as hell now. Another quick note is I should get back into excersizing. I feel I am getting a beer belly.

I will update more later.

 

Well, yeah. It was a bit intentional since I was laying in bed but it only lasted 10 minutes or so. Just some images nothing more and I won't count it as a reset since I didn't relapse. I knew what I was doing was wrong and would lead to relapsing so I stopped. If anything I will just reset my other counter.

 

It all actually started with wanting to listen to music then got side tracked. I will have to reset my P ticker. At least I have my PMO one going ! Still have this urge. More than likely I will go for a walk and let it pass. Could be the whole 5 day peak of T as well.

 

Day 8.

I ended up resetting my P counter after my little mishap. Fortuneately it was not my PMO one. Today seems like a tough day, physically. 85F, my legs hurt and I am tired/sleepy. I walked around earlier and tried to do some work. Overall I feel Quite well. I get a few moments here and there where I feel a little indifferent, but as long as I am happy and feeling good about myself is what's the most important to me.

Still get urges on/off. Not sure if it has to do with my T levels peaking, or the fact I haven't fapped in 7.5 days. The good thing is if I do something else and focus on that it goes away until I think about it again. A friend sent me a YouTube movie earlier today of some girl who would dance and bounce her boobs around. I guess she is famous on YouTube for making movies like that. It just made me feel bad for her if that's what she chooses to do in her life. I wouldn't want to marry a girl like that. I didn't find it "sexy" or anything either.

Oh, and lastly... I honestly feel that I have an addiction. If I didn't then I wouldn't be having a hard time trying to quit pmo. I always thought I had a habitual habit, but I am not so sure anymore. And I am not sure if it is an MO, or a P, or PMO problem I have. My last streak I felt like I didn't have as bad of a problem as others. I still think some are in a hard place, but it isn't so easy for me either. I think this may be my last journal entry for today unless something else happens I will add it here. Oh! I can feel the eye thing again where my eyes glow and stand out too.

 

Day 9

By God do I have these strong urges today. Lastnight I could have relapsed since I was home alone for a while, but I didnt.

I will try and see if I can go for a run today. As long as the sun isn't out. Yesterday was 85F, today is nearly the same. Otherwise I will run early evening when the mosquitoes are out.

I am hoping these urges go away. More than likely my glimpse of P didn't help at all and it's keeping the urges in tact for a little while longer. I remember last streak having a similar thing happen where the urges stook for a few days longer.

 

It's funny how you guessed me being catholic. I would go to confession, just our priest switched the confessional around where you have to look at him face to face. It's too personal for me - and mix that with a small town where everyone knows each other it makes it uncomfortable. I started my last streak during Easter time so I'd attend church every Sunday and it helped me through.

As for fighting the urges I have been trying to occupy myself today since it's been the hardest. The weather isn't sunny anymore, more cloudy and we had a big storm so it's generally a lazy day. I may try for a run and loosen up.

I appreciate your words of encouragement! This is my best streak since my big relapse in May and I'd hate to lose it. I know that these urges are sitting because I looked at P the other day. Otherwise it would have passed or not been so severe.

Just ran 3km. Feeling awesome now!

Thanks again!

 

Ok. I have had a really long absence from the forums.

Unfortunately I don't have much to brag about other than I hit rock bottom and realize that "hey, this has to stop"

Life got busy and then I got addicted to fapping nonstop. I can't remember what led to my relapse, but I was doing it constantly just all august.

Even if I morally knew it was wrong I kept at it, subconsciously. That is when you know you have an addiction when you do it anyway even if it is wrong. Anyway, this past week I got into kik. I've never used it and I started looking for dirty kik chats. I actually ended up getting scammed out of $100.

But this was my wakeup call. I am making a promise that I will stop completely if this all gets resolved with no issues. I got in touch with my AP and we are both at the same point where decided we really need to stop.

I apologize for just a long message but here is my determination to rid this awful addiction once and for all! Hoping my recent decisions will resolve themselves.

Day 1 here I go!

 

Day 2.

I didn't get much sleep yesterday so I felt like I was running with a back burner. Surprisingly, I did do quite well which may have been adrenaline pumping.

Today I got plenty of rest and I am feeling great. I have a lot to do to keep me busy and until I know I am well into my streak, I will spend the evenings with my family when I am most vulnerable. Also have all my bookmarks/history deleted.

 

Day 4

Feeling pretty good still. I have been busy so occupying myself, and spending time with friends and family. I know being alone and not doing anything is what will cause a relapse. And once I relapse I know I will start binging like crazy and it will be hard to stop and recontinue my streak.

I am feeling great mentally and physically and I honestly believe I will get my streak all out. Feeling the same motivation as I had back in April when I made it 40 days. Since then my best was 10 and I failed by doing stupid stuff. Have a lot of things planned the next few months to occupy myself.

 

Day 6

Nothing new to report. Started the day a little "out of focus" but it's probably due to the weather. Just had a hard time getting started. Been a busy day but still feeling good overall. Going to bed now. Not expecting to relapse . Each time I will get an urge I'll have to remember "I hit rock bottom".

 

Day 8

Nothing new to add really. Just the holiday weekend has been keeping me busy. As far as I see it, I am still in good shape. I had a bit of a mental urge lastnight but I did not pursue it and instead laid in bed and fell asleep. I am completely exhausted again.

I haven't had a streak like this going since before summer so I am happy about it. I can feel my self control back and I feel relaxed again. Concentration is well too.

Not sure what else to add. One more day down!