Confession - reset after 200 days hardmode.

Good morning/evening guys.

This is not a pleasant, nor a proud thread.
I'm confessing that I reset, not relapsed, after 200 days. I reseted by M.

Obviously, , I was shocked and basically surprised that I even reset after 200 days.

I didn't do this on purpose.

For the past week I've been experiencing extreme horniness. Yes I've developed strategies to overcome this. But this time it was extremely different from any other relapses before.

There are 2 reasons as far as I'm aware.
1. Escapism. Not by P but by YouTube. Honestly, I'm fedup of my slight YouTube addiction. This was the beginning of the path for my reset. I did use youtube and escape in the middle of my reboot, but never like this time. This time there were many emotion including regret, loneliness. Etc.

2. I basically didn't, at all, intend to (M). I, unlike the past freaking 6months, failed to follow the usual strategies. Instead of distracting or ignoring the urges, I started to listen to it. I started to respond to the horniness instead of ignoring like how I'd normally do. I bet this was entirely or partly due to overconfidence and trust in myself.
This wasn't like "I got an urge, I relapsed". No, that's not the case at all. This reset was a gradual step relapse. How did I fail? I believe the main reason I failed is that I, instead of following the normal routine that I followed when an urge kicked in, I started doing weird things. I wont explain in detail - but simply i started touching, etc. I've never done this in 6 months. Which is what makes me ponder like did I really do this.

By analysing my relapse, I can clearly tell how satan got me. Gradually.

I'm sorry for disappointing both myself and you beautiful people of nofap. I used to advice many people on what to do and what not to do and here I am, fallen after freaking 6months.

I don't know what to say or what to think. I'm just empty in my mind. I hope I get back up with absolute strength and not fall into the (P) trap.

 

I have so much work to do and yet I relapsed.. Mahid thanks for being with me bro. You did advice me, but I still continued to and I failed. I shouldve listened to you.

 

I just don't wanna fall into the binge trap. I was having a strong mindset not to binge, but I did it again. It's night time here. I hope I control my urges and continue fighting from tomorrow. Im just f'ing afraid if the binge trap bcoz I've been there before and it's not pleasant at all.

 

Hopefully. Hope is so goddamn important that we dont even realise it. The moment you lose hope, the moment we fall.