300 days clean - a retrospective

Hi everyone. I'm on day 300 today and consider myself a porn addict - this is a problem I've created over the years, but I've made a decision not to be beholden to my addiction and to be a better version of me.

As a historical now, I've tried to kick this before (once around 4 years ago, and before that around 10 years ago) but have relapsed badly. One thing that's made a difference to me as the realisation that I am an addict, that this was destroying me, and the realisation that it was hurting other people, combined with identifying things I was using it to cope with. I'm a member of a 12 step program that I found useful in dealing with this and have done sooner work thought that.

I still get urges, but they're so much less powerful - to anyone newly reading this, belove me, it does get better. It's not always easy, but it's always worth keeping fighting. My urges to use porn agree both less frequent and less intense; my obsession with a particular fetish is also so much less intense, and I have done faith that in time it too will fade away - that's something I didn't have at the start of this journey.

In terms of what I've gained, I feel a lot calmer and happier in myself, and my perspective on the world has changed a lot. And for the better. I've also gained some perspective on what I was doing, on the cognitive dissonance that allowed me to consume what was realistically averaging 4+ hours of daily - it's upsetting to think about it, but I've treated so many women as objects and that includes my partner - a wonderful woman that I've been with for almost 12 years. I've also gained a relationship and connection with her - for years before that, we'd been a shell thanks to my addiction, and now we're close than ever.

I'm not sure what else to go with this. If anyone has any questions then I'm more than happy to answer anything

Good luck to everyone out there still fighting - you can do, just keep going!

 

Thank you it should be more - I've indicated the two previous points I ought to have stopped at, and this journey began last November, with me relapsing before Xmas. But I can't go back and redo that - just not in future.

Additionally there been several days where I've really struggled with intrusive thoughts and been close to relapse. Other days I've just felt dry rather than sober. But we can get through it I've found.

 

Thanks so much for this both. It's nice to get that support from people. And from people who know what the struggle is like from personal experience.

 

Thanks mate how sober are you now?

In terms of withdrawal symptoms, I'm certainly not free of urges but they're far less strong. I've found that I'm a lot calmer and clearer generally - happier and more confident too. I do feel though that it's also been helpful going through the 12 step process too - that's particularly helpful, and worthwhile.