New fapstronaut

Hi fellow addicts,

Just like all of you, I am struggling with a porn addiction. It all started when I was about 13 years old. I am 36 now.. So for 23 years I have used online porn on a daily basis.

There have been periods that were more extreme, where I PMO'd 3 or more times a day, and there have been periods when I could do with just one time per week or even go several weeks without it. However, since COVID, I am working from home every day, and I am alone in the attic with my laptop. This has increased my porn use over the last couple of months, and it seems that for the next couple of months the work-from-home situation is not going to change.

The type of porn that I am into has become more extreme. And exactly like it is described in the NoFap starting guide, I feel ashamed of it because it does not align with my values or how I sexually identify. I like porn with a story, and as such the more extreme categories for me fall into the incest and cuckold genres. It is more about the taboo and the story than the actual imagery. Although I must admit that some other extremes are finding their way to my screen more often as well. When I think about this, I feel deep shame because I feel like that is not who I am.

I am married to a fantastic woman, and I hide my addiction from her. I have told her about it and tried to be open with her about it, but it always ends in disappointment and anger. We have had some fights about it and it just seems easier to just lie about it. In the past I have had some problems with PIED, and for as long as I remember I have always needed to rely on sexual images and fantasies during sex to keep hard or te be able to climax. Although PIED is currently not an issue, I feel like I am dangerously close to it.

We have a son (is just over 1 year now), and I want him to grow up with a healthy dad who can teach him about life. Right now, I am not that guy.

I tried many times to stop, but somehow always fall back. I hope that this nofap reboot is the way out for me.

Please let me know if any of the above sounds familiar, and would love to receive some support from this community.

Kind regards,
Steven

 

Thank you for your uplifting words Marshall!

 

Thank you for your support. It is a battle, but knowing I am not alone in it makes a big difference already!