35 and Older Accountability Group

thats it in a nutshell, totally agree @artifact

 

wednesday morning check in

 

I'm similar. I guess everyone is. 20 years of PMO. Didn't have a PIED issue until the last few years. It's very predicable for me but getting worse I suppose. Used to have to quit PMO for a few days to be back to normal and now it's more like a week. But I'm working on it. I think my wife realizes I'm not after her all the time like I used to be and that's my fault.

 

Day 36 - P images crossing my mind today. Need to refocus. My attention span problem is bad right now blinking every two minutes and addict brain is winning the battle. Thoughts fixating on objectified body parts that I just want to look at on screen. I should be working but maybe I'll just go out for a walk. Change the setting. Stay strong.

 

I visualize two things: me with my PMO, and me with my wife. The former image disgusts me and the latter makes me feel like a real human being, a real man, and a proper husband. Next level - recall the feelings: with PMO -> shame, guilt, regret, disappointment; with wife -> contentment with emotional connection, peaceful & relaxed afterwards, enhanced self-worth, joy to bring satisfaction to my partner. And face it guys - there is no MO session that is as pleasurable from a purely physical standpoint compared to activity with your partner.

 

Hey boys! Great posts last couple of days! Much wisdom!

I had a bit of a wobble last couple of days. I M’ed twice. I am not resorting to P or any images. It’s just an M trap for me. I am sitting with it now... sexuality is complicated.

I found a helpful way to deal with p-subs. Apparently some Hindi practitioners call all women “mother” or “sister”, and basically believe that everyone is a manifestation of God (there are some similarities in Christianity as well). Whenever I see a provocative picture, I honour the woman in it and try to do the same.

 

Today is kicked up a notch in terms of urges. A new level has been reached. Nothing unmanageable though. I've learned to live with it for now. Funny thing is that it feels as if my brain is salivating, if that makes any sense. I feel an overabundance of energy as well. Can anyone relate? What are your urges like or should i ask what have you noticed after prolonged abstinence?

 

When I was doing long streaks, I had urges from time to time with varying intensity. But they felt like storms in a separate room, removed from daily life. I started experiencing this 30-40 days in.
The biggest benefit is that I stopped stuttering completely. I used to stutter and every time I M, I find the vestiges of it return. Without M, I stopped! There’s definitely energy there.

 

thursday morning checking in
ive given up saying how well its going because that's when it all goes pete tong....

 

Hang in there mate, you're doing amazing.

 

Keeping cool with no ego. I've been close to 80 days in the past and relapsed. I'm closer to my goal today but temptation is closer to me than it was yesterday. I will not fall. Not today.

 

Friday morning check in. Pleased with this week, although being very tired at the moment may have helped...

 

Checking in on Friday. Slightly rocky start to the week, but managed to hang on and things have gotten easier as the week has progressed.

 

Another day clean. A salty taste in my mouth, itchy scalp and eyes. Feels good to rub my face. I don't know what this means but i feel very good overall today. Working out tonight. I've changed my workout rotation to 6 days weekly, working each bodypart twice with no cardio and no leg exercises as my knees hurt but are getting better slowly. I follow a dietary guideline consisting of maximum protein, moderate carbohydrate and low fat which i adjust as needed based on daily nutrition requirements. My goal is to gain strength. I couldn't do this before. I was too busy with M and no energy. NoFap has given me a new beginning and a new goal to reach for. Thank you all for your support. I can't do it alone.

 

27 days best streak I've had in ages.

Sad face

Back to square one

 

Saturday morning - this is where it starts to get tough - on holiday now....

 

Checking in... initial goal is to get into double digits!

 

Checking in...been failing miserable recently and going to P for comfort but want to get new streak going as it's not helping me...so plan is to get to 10 days and take it from there

 

Man you guys are awesome. So many good points made. I really appreciate the wisdom. I don't exactly know what day I'm on, had a partial lapse yesterday with some peeking/edging, which whatever I call it isn't how I want to be. For whatever it's worth, I haven't had an O in 4 days which, sad as it is to say, is the longest I've had in a while.

As was said above, I see this image of me huddled and hiding with a phone screen image of some random woman that I don't know or care about, while my gorgeous wife is asleep right next to me. It's disgusting and pathetic, there is no other way about it. It's like as soon as any libido comes back, after a few days of no PMO, the energy funnels directly into my mind trying to talk me into cracking the door with some non-porn but still arousing semi-sexual image. Then once that door is open, the ball is rolling until I inevitably land on actual porn, huddled over my phone screen, unable to put it down and leave it.

It's that moment I wish I had something that could reliably interrupt. Like, I know that looking at semi-sexual imagery is the beginning. I know that, even if I start flirting with porn-ish stuff, I end up at porn 100% of the time, maybe not that moment but by the end of the day. I have the thoughts show up like, "Man, I know what I'm doing, why am I doing it?" but it doesn't stop me. Anything you guys have found to more forcefully stop the spiral?

 

Hi all. Couldn't make myself login. Tired of being on a good road and dedicated only to fall down in a bad evening.

Nothing new there... But maybe some day there will be.

Living the best life I can and appreciating all that I have. Being actively engaged in the group with counters provides accountability. When it blends together I dont think I progress enough.

Hope you all are doing well. I'll catch up in the thread reading soon.