P.A.W.S. - what are they, cure, duration

Hi tigate.

These articles advocate certain diets and supplements so just remember that there is no dietary cure for PAWS, or any kind of withdrawal for that matter. It's a slow and adaptive process. The brain literally has to forget about and place no value on porn and porn fantasy. In the end, you have to lose all mental attachment to any compulsive over-indulgence in euphoric pleasure. For us, sex can never again be used like a drug to binge and get high on. So eat and supplement what you want but remember that any dietary strategy is only to useful to help mitigate the severity of your symptoms, if possible. Only time away from PMO will heal your mind from porn-induced PAWS.

1st article-

Whenever you see anyone on the Internet talking about Histamine and mental disorders, they are rehashing some flavor of the Hoffer theory that high and low histamine are the causes of Schizophrenia. It's a very dubious idea. There's a whole movement now, mostly people pushing specific supplements, and contorting the theory to being implicated in nearly all mental health problems. It makes sense that someone enduring PAWS would take in some of that info and credit it in their recovery. I'm sure it's very well intended but I'd be careful about investing too much time trying to apply it to yourself. That's just my thoughts though. I wasted a lot of time on it before I found nofap, and thus the source of my symptoms.

If anything, I personally have found plant-based diets to be the most disruptive to my brain, if you can believe that. Over the years in search for a cure I've done pure veganism and juice fasts plenty of times, with terrible results. YMMV. Protein and fats are what your brain is made out of so don't expect eating plants to effect much in the way of structural change. Plants are also full of chemicals and they can have a wide variety of drug-like effects on chemistry (think cannabis and opium) but they aren't retained by the body. All of those named and unnamed compounds in plants ultimately have to be broken down and removed by the immune system. Most of them are natural pesticides that evolved to keep the plant alive, not you. Despite the claims that some people make, plants are not universally good for you (heresy, I know). I'm not saying that they are all bad, just to be careful of people implying that they are curative of anything. Like I said, I'm the most calm when I largely remove them.

2nd article-
Adrenal fatigue is a real condition where your body simply cannot make enough Cortisol. The symptoms are awful and life-threatening and your doctor will take it VERY seriously if you have it. There are Naturopaths out there that promote supplements that "repair" your adrenals and point to the cluster of symptoms found in Adrenal Fatigue as being evidence that your condition is adrenal related. None of the prescribed remedies for that on the web ever helped me in the least because malfunctioning adrenals weren't the cause of my ever-worsening hypofrontal brain. If you know that you are addicted to and withdrawing from porn, then this is probably a money pit. Try whatever you want but remember that you're only trying to make life more manageable while you heal naturally with abstinence and distance from over-indulgence in euphoria.

Be careful about indiscriminately taking handfuls of B-vitamins, amino acids, and adrenal hormones. The capacity for that to make you feel worse is much greater than the likelihood that it will actually make you feel better. Do what you want but tread carefully. These things actually can increase your adrenal output. In my case, producing more cortisol and noradrenaline was completely unhelpful for my mental condition.

 

Hey guys,

the last few posts gave me a lot of food to think about:

First of all: the debate whether porn/masturbation is harmful or not is completely inadequate in my eyes. I know that this guy is trolling and thus I don't want to give anyone room coming to a place where a lot of people are truly suffering from the direct and indirect causes of an addiction. It's the same as going to the anonymous alcoholics and tell them to man the fuck up because I as an individual never made negative experiences with a substance or certain behaviour. It's a shame to do so and I don't know who the hell has time to create an account, come in here and even put time and effort into posting.

Another thing has occupied my mind for several hours today. The question whether a certain diet or choice of food helps to speed up the healing/paws-process and if many of our symptoms are caused by the wrong choice of food. As some guys in here I tried many diets: vegeterian, vegan, low-carb, strict keto, meat-protein rich, low-histamine, strict gluten free, etc... I came to the conclusion that no matter what diet - I always have symptoms in some different form. There was not a single diet where I felt good body and brain wise. I always had some form of neurological or digestive problems. They changed in relation to the diet. On keto I had very little brain fog and DP/DR was very low in intensity but I had no physical energy and my mood always felt so numb and depressive. On a vegan diet I had good sleep and digestion but high brain fog and DP/DR and felt absurd amount of stress and fight or flight. I never had one diet which was practical and functioning. For example a histamine free diet. It takes so much energy to build up a full clean elimination diet and figure out what forms of histamine inducing foods work for you. Some food bring histamine directly to the body, others cause a indirect effect by inducing a chain reaction. It's so complicated and keeping a very strict diet causes additional stress for the body and mind, at least for me. The only thing that really stood out is the fact that gluten-rich food isn't working in large quantities but this also depends on my current constitution and well-being at the exact day and time. I can eat half a loaf of bread on a really rare good day and my body and psyche has no problems at all. Give me a pizza on a bad day and I feel awful and indescribable tired for the rest of the day. Selfmade pizza on a neutral day and I have no problems as well. It's so complicated and resourcing-consuming to keep a really strict diet that I decided to eat what I want and just listen to my body. I barely eat things like avocados anymore as I noticed that they don't feel good brain wise but I have no troubles eating good mold cheese which is also very high in histamines. On a really bad day I get myself some really tasty freshly marinated chicken wings and lay down in bed and enjoy them. I really enjoy food and I often feel like food is one of the only things that I can enjoy to a certain extent while being in PAWS. This doesn't mean I'm feasting all the time. I eat a broad variety of things and one of the best advices I can give to you food wise is following. Keep your bloodsugar stable. In early recovery I had insane bloodsugar crashes which caused a horrific fight or flight reaction and set on a cycle of anxiety. I barely have those blood sugar crashes anymore. Since about 3-4 months I'm eating a fair amount of Oat in the morning combined with nuts, fruits, kibbled flaxseeds and cinnamon which does a great job on providing me with all the needed nutrients and keeps my bloodsugar on good levels. I can't tell you what not to eat as everybody is different, but if you ask me then I would recommend eating some form of oat-product in the morning, reduce fast-food to 2-3 meals a week, eat meat if you feel like and keep your hands away from high-sugar-products and empty carb heavy calories. Your digestion often tells you what your body is able to do and what not. I think food can only work supportive but it's not the cause for a significant slower recovery. Eating fast food, no vegetables and no nutrient food at all while pouring in 5 cups of coffee a day certainly is not healthy and definitely will keep your brain hooked. A mixed, well balanced diet that offers joy and good taste to the consumer while not overfeeding the whole time is my current way to go. I learned a lot about me and food and I have this precise feeling when my daily caloric intake is reached and on which days I made bad food decisions but I'm beyond the point of getting crazy of being food intolerant in a serious way. I had my gut microbiome checked in a time where I felt really really bad health wise and beside some bacteria-stems missing it was all good. I did a 6 month probiotica-treatment. I didn't had a leaky gut or anything related. I had high inflammation levels but my doctor said they are connected to a foreign bacteria-stem I brought home from vacation in morocco after having a food poisoning. A few months later they were a lot lower. I have no acute symptoms after eating like getting skin irritations, headaches, and other food intolerance symptoms.

Another topic is supplements. Yes certain supplements like omega 3, vit B12/D/K and magnesium are helpful at certain times but beside vit B12 and D I don't think any form of supplement is needed for recovery. Those are my experiences and I bought so many supplement and nothing cured me. I never had a supplement, beside iron where I was deficient, which let me wake up the next morning feeling any more different then before. I never had a connectable good experience with supplements. They work so subtle and everything you take, should normally be backed up by blood tests but blood tests are expensive and they often don't measure what actually is going on in the body. The amount of minerals you have in your blood-stream isn't the same as the mineral levels in your cells. I did many supplementations without blood testing and I think in my case it caused more harm then good. If you have a relatively normal diet you don't need anything beside B12 and D if you ask me. I have to say that I'm only speaking for myself and that every person is different. If you have serious gut and digestion troubles then you certainly should keep an eye on that if not then don't make things worse by inhaling expensive supplements that suddenly bring you the cure. Rather invest in good nutrient food. I also tried every form of amino acid as I had the crazy idea that I was missing tyrosine so my body can't produce dopamine or the other way around with l-tryptophan/5htp and seretonin. My last experiment caused my walking to be really weird and unstable as higher levels of seretonin cause a down-regulation of dopamine. This also caused me to realize that my body is able to produce all the neurotransmitters just right. The receptors and mechanisms of release are the problems on PAWS.

Lastly I want to talk about the hen and the egg. Which was first? Where did the imbalance started? Before (heavy) addiction, at the age around 13-16 I never had any major symptoms, unnatural forms of anxiety, brain fog, bad sleep, DP/DR and all the other crippling symptoms. For me it started with smoking to much weed in an uncontrolled manner while playing to much video games and PMO/alcohol/cigarettes being the finisher health-wise. I manipulated my neurotransmitter in unnatural ways for more than 10 years and in the end consuming heavy amounts of chemical drugs. I know many of you guys don't had this drastic consume as I had and often just did PMO but I for example never had those extended edging session for several hours. Sure I had some fap-sessions while being on amphetamines that took 30-45minutes as I couldn't get hard but I never actively edged - I just chased orgasms. I don't know which is worse but as I said many times before: we have a sexual reward system directly put into our brain by nature and thus abusing sexual pleasure as a drug works in crude and brutal way. In my theory everything starts with derailing your natural neurotransmitter-system and from there on everything gets out of control. A certain combination of neurotransmitter is required to feel relaxed and happy, that's the basic constitution of everything. If you overstimulate yourself, then excessive neurotransmitters cause your brain to down-regulate receptors and thus the train of a healthy and relaxed mind goes down the hill with time. We try to feel good again and repeat this behaviour because we don't know any better. Most of us aren't even adults while developing an addiction. At some point your neurotransmitter levels are so out of balance that you no longer can feel relaxed and somehow good without keeping a constant flow of external stimulus. Then your emotional and primitive stress reaction gets out of hand and this is where the stress cycle starts. At some point all the basic functions of your cognition, decision-making, mood and overall-wellbeing is completely out of balance. After some time you come out of your dark hole and realize that you want a better life again and thus you make the decision to break addiction. You stop doing the thing that kept you in chains and then your brain needs abstinence to understand that it no longer gets those stimulus, it realises that is has to get back to balance and in order to that it has to repair the damage and while this is done, those parts in repair can't be used. I know everything is more complicated than those few sentences but I just want to make clear that the way back to a balanced neurotransmitter-system and healthy brain and thus normal functioning/relaxing mind isn't the way of actually doing many things. You as an ego, can only support your brain and body with a solid nutrition, good sleep, (light) exercise, relaxing activities and a good mindset. You can't actively repair your receptors and take part in all those complex little processes. We sure want to understand them scientific wise but I think science can only capture 1% of the whole PAWS process at the moment. There is so much we don't understand. We just need notice when we are really stressed out and when we take our depressive and anxiety fueled thoughts for an everlasting reality. At this point we need to step back and realize that most of the thoughts we currently experience, have their fundament on a nonexisting neurotransmitter-balance. It's like experiencing the world while being high on MDMA but in our case reversed. I can vividly remember when I first took MDMA. My mind produced the most happiest and awesome thought you can imagine but suddenly the trip was over and my mind got its cables pulled out and one minute to the other my thoughts were dark again. At the moment our cables are pulled out and thus we experience a really negative reality and I sometimes wonder how normality even feels like.

My sleep is so freaking fucked up the last few days and I feel so much worse symtpoms-wise. I had one night where I was just dreaming the whole time. I relived three weeks of getting back into the cycle of addiction in a single night and even build up a "dream-memory" and remembering things I dreamed hours before. I started rationalizing in my dream that a joint and some lines here and there are no problem. I felt the urge after consuming to get more stuff. I even had a long period of calling people who I knew sold weed back then. I masturbated several times in those dreams without actually having a wet dream although it felt like ejaculating. Just crazy nonsense. In the end of my dream I realized that I just fell back into the pit of addiction and I knew that I have to all the way back again and that I failed the 3124th time of staying clean of everything. I felt so guilty and miserable and then I woke up. I was just like what the hell on earth just happend. Sleep should help me forget all the stress and things I experience in daily life and then you go to sleep experiencing a full addiction set back process with every negative emotion involved. I felt really awful the last few days and I think that once my sleep gets better that everything else will follow. My sleep improved over the last year from waking up every few hours, having nightmares most of the time to being able to sleep for 6-8 hours straight without waking up once. I still feel tired but my sleep definitely improved and I even had periods where I just lay down, slept for 6-8 hours and experienced nothing but a blank blackness of nothingsness without any dreams I remembered. This was also the most peaceful time while being in PAWS. I had much more energy and symptoms were much more bearable, this lasted one week. I tried to think of anything that I did "right" in those days but I did nothing different.

As I said earlier, many of us are under the illusion of actively doing something or otherwise you won't recover. Time and not doing anything which disturbs your process is enough in my eyes. Alan Watts once said in a lecture that humanity already tried to find ways to get the climate change/crisis under control back in the 70s/80s and that he visited a convention where a lot of important people discussed a solution. The solution was very simple but yet very hard to do. Humanity just needs to step back and do nothing. Not in a sense of sitting around all day staring at a wall but more in a way of stopping the pollution and letting mother earth heal itself by bringing back balance with its own mechanics. In todays world many people desperately try to everything to live and consume sustainable in order to "heal" the planet: Consume less plastics, stop eating meat, consume only biological products, etc. but in the end nothing of all this effectively will save the planet. We have to stop the wars, consume less in total by dropping the immense luxury many of us live in and need to stop strive for novel technologies that substitute the old ones. Then we just need to sit back and let nature do its thing. Sure we can help mother earth with technologies and support the recovery of nature but the big step itself is to stop the constant pollution. Same goes for us. We stopped the pollution by dropping our habits and now we have to wait and let our body do its thing. If there were one activity or measure to get out of this or speed up recover significantly then sure all of us would for example run a marathon if you can escape the hell of PAWS by it. We just have to be patient and let the time do the working and that's the most hardest thing to do if you ask me and that's why humanity will have great troubles of getting crises under control. Stopping the behaviour that caused the crisis and then just step back and trust into the process of balance and homeosthasis is too much for us.

This post got longer as I wanted it to be but I sometimes feel like many of us in here, including myself, get impatient and I just wanted to give trust that we all are doing fine. The last thing that popped into my mind is the question when things start to get better for most of the people going through PAWS. My view on this take is very subjective and bro-science-touched again but from all my reading of succes-stories and posts in here I feel like there is something happening around the corner of 14-16 months. It's not like there are no symptoms anymore but something seems to happening that created a noticeable pattern for me. Maybe I'm just wrong with that and want it to be happening but I once read an article linked on r/noFap where a scientist talked about the brain needing about approximately 14 months to heal its dopamine receptors/release and from what I've read many report to experience some form of minimal joy again before slowly riding out the waves at this time span. But again this is pure speculation and I can be totally wrong on this. I just had this in mind and maybe someone else can continue at this point by having a similar feeling or even experience on themselves, I don't know. I just wanted to share my experience towards these topics and me reading a few posts over 2-3 days often leads to a lot of material building up.

 

I didn't read your post before putting up mine and it's funny and interesting to see how similar our experiences through this whole journey are.

 

Yeah, we seem quite similar indeed. Your last post reminded me of another thing that happened in my life regarding weed and porn. I started smoking pot in the 80s heavily from around age 14-19. I could basically smoke as much as I wanted. Then, around age 20, weed started giving me extreme anxiety for the first 45 minutes or so after smoking, then I just felt high. It was a fairly abrupt change that happened at the same time porn started becoming more and more of an obsession. Ever since, even early on as a high functioning person, I stopped smoking weed all together because it just made me feel agitated and paranoid. I never understood why my reaction to pot changed so radically. I also was experimenting with LSD at that time so I always just thought that it changed my brain's response to weed.

Now I wonder if that's true. One of THC's main MOA is to increase acetylcholine levels in various areas of the brain. As we lower our natural dopamine response to pleasure through porn binges, we might be becoming hyper-sensitive to the effects of acetylcholine to compensate. The dopamine/acetylcholine relationship is complex though. Here is a link to an abstract that confirms TCH's effect on Ach.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3620017/

This just confirms my view that anything that raises or stimulates acetylcholine activity in the brain has the most potential to temporarily worsen anxiety, depression, and PAWS symptoms in general. Do you feel like your sensitivity to THC is the same as ever or if it has gotten progressively more anxiety provoking over the years?

 

You are most welcome

It took me about 6 months to see some short good periods where symptoms where a little better. It took about 13 or 14 months to see much much bigger improvements. It was more of a gradual reduction of symptoms and improvement of mental clarity but like i said, each good period i have gets that little bit better. There are still a lot of improvements to come for me but i am very happy to be seeing progress.

 

Thanks Ezpz. I'm a little over 7 months and there's maybe a little improvement lately but it's so small that I wonder if it's just wishful thinking. I know 2 years is when the biggest changes occur but the prospect of noticeable improvements at 13-14 months is encouraging. I'm glad that you're making so much progress!

 

At a certain point my anxiety was so intensive that I developed a paranoid form of health anxiety. I had really small changes on my skin and while smoking a joint I freaked out about it and went to the hospital in the middle of the night and normally smoking a joint would erase any negative thoughts and calm me down but at a certain point it just set off anxiety which led to health anxiety. This health anxiety was really useful as it was the Kickstarter to quit everything. So yes it just felt like switch being turned over at some point where something on a chemical-level worked different and it no longer helped me but worked against me.

 

I feel great after I bust a not after I wake up. I rub one out before I go to sleep and sleep great. When does one consider themselve addicted? How many times do you "addicts" look at porn, fap and orgasm? If you are looking at porn for just 10 minutes a day, it will not make you an addict. It's not like a substance. You guys watch hours on end without stopping and busting nuts 24/7? If that's the case, I would consider calling you addicts. Just don't blame porn, but blame your own lack of willpower! Porn is a great tool for billions of people!

 

I can’t speak for others but can you do me favour and get off this thread/forum. This is literally the noFap-forum and not the „I just busted a nut and feel great“-forum. We could argue about porn and masturbation but you seem so far out that all arguing seems like lost energy. Porn doesn’t help billions of people, same as alcohol doesn’t help billions of people. Just because many people do it, doesn’t mean that it’s a good thing to do. If you feel fine after masturbating and you don’t feel addicted to it then probs to you but in all respect get off this forum and stop telling people that they just stop lack in willpower. This couldn’t be further from truth and if you would know anything about addiction then you would know that you haven’t to do something 24/7 in order to be addicted.

Please leave, thank you!

 

I just tested the "Ignore" feature and it works. Just click the name and select ignore. The comments disappear.

 

I did some more research on this site and came to the conclusion that porn must be addictive for a lot of people. I came to the conclusion that porn addiction does not exist because of Matt Dillahunty and Darryl Ray. After investigating some more I think I came to the wrong conclusion. Forgive me for that. I will try the nofap 90 day challenge myself now guys. Peace out!

 

Maybe you should just stop obsessing about diet and get on with your life whilst you wait PAWS out... though I respect your testimony, I doubt cause and effect here.

 

Glad you're taking the time to have a think.

I'm listening to Matt Dillahunty and Darryl Ray - #903: The Myth of Sex and Porn Addiction on THE ATHEIST EXPERIENCE podcast, which I guess is where you're coming from?

RE the moral side of things:

One of the biggest mis-conceptions about Nofap is that it's driven by religion. I'm an atheist. I'm here because I am addicted to porn, and I want to stop, not because "god is talking to me". There are a fair number of religious people here on Nofap but also many people who aren't. If you're not religious its almost compulsory to have to give the disqualifier of "...but I'm not religious - honestly!" because that is the preconceived idea people have.

For me this isn't a moral issue, it's about health and well-being. If other people can whack off and truly do it without consequence for themselves (or others), I don't have a problem with it.

RE the science:

If you are doing something to the point where it has a significant negative impact on your life, and you can't stop, even if you loose your relationship / job / health etc, then I'd call that an addiction. If it doesn't involve a substance, then it's a behavioural addiction. Many therapists would agree with that definition.

I think the science is behind the times, and is playing catch up, although there is plenty out there for those willing to look. Heavy porn use isn't the free ride than many think it is, and sooner or later society won't be able to stay in denial about it because of the effects that people notice. Read the contents of this thread with an open mind and I think you can get an idea of where large segments of the male population will be heading in the decades ahead. I'm not saying it will apply to everyone who uses porn, but people need to know that it is possible.

 

Hi guys I'm new here, i am gonna start Tomorrow sunday, the problem with this is that i can't really stop this addiction it's killing me mentally and physically, whenever im alone and bored that's where i fail to contain my urges, its so hard to get rid off this addiction, i hope this will help me. Good luck to me and to to you guys

 

Sometimes I wonder if it's just too many orgasms and/or being aroused all day long for years on end the real reason why many of us feel so bad. I do think there's a huge difference in doing a quickie vs doing it for hours on end and keeping the excitement high. Our bodies have limited capacities. Perhaps we are just completely drained? I don't think the whole thing is depression related either, at least in my case. I like to go for a walk every day, admire the beauty of nature, do the chores and so forth. I take enjoyment of reading a good book. If only I could do all of these things more as exhaustion is the worst for me. In the past years I've forced an orgasm with hours of porn watching to finally get an erection and it hasn't felt all that good afterwards. Pretty much like watching paint getting dry, yet I still do it. After an orgasm, exhaustion kicks in about 24 hours and also intermittent constipation/low stool amount. When I get slightly better a few weeks later, my bowel movement is also getting better.

That being said, I've started to take a probiotic supplement which has live bacteria in it, we'll see if it improves the situation at all. Healing the gut seems to be a common link with curing POIS (Post orgasmic illness syndrome). But is it POIS if it takes weeks after an orgasm to feel mildly better? They say POIS lasts from a few days to a week. Perhaps POIS can be intensified with prolonged porn watching and kindling to last for weeks if one forces it?

 

I definitely agree with you about the big difference between a quickie and a session that lasts a couple hours. I used to be completely fine and never had PAWS symptoms when I used to keep it under 10 min or so. All my problems started after I began edging for hours.

I’ve been living in PAWS symptoms for over 2 years now and I have not even quit. I do begin feeling a little better after about 2 weeks but unfortunately it’s not anywhere near cured. I also noticed the constipation and digestive problems that get better after 2 weeks or so. My problem is I keep relapsing every 2-3 weeks. I go on a 2-3 week streak, relapse, then take 2-3 days to get back on a streak and then keep repeating the cycle.

It seems like when I go on those 2-3 week streaks, my symptoms lift a bit and I start feeling better but it’s kind of wave like. I keep entering and coming out of flatline even within the same day. For example I remember going out with friends in the morning one day on a 15 day streak and feeling pretty good with a lot less social anxiety, then later in the evening having really bad social anxiety. I guess it’s just part of the withdrawals.

I’m 21 now and can’t imagine having to live with these symptoms for another 2 years. I was completely normal before I started edging at 16 or 17. I really don’t know what to do anymore..

 

Might I ask how those relapses occur? Do you feel so bad mentally and emotionally that you need to have an orgasm or is it just horniness overcoming you?

I understand that it’s hard to imagine going through those symptoms another two years but don’t you think it’s a fair trade off to to invest two years for an addiction free life without those horrific symptoms? I mean if you keep relapsing then you will live with those symptoms two years or longer anyway. I know it takes some courage to commit for a longer time but man there is so much to fight for.

For me giving up a habit is a lot easier after reading a book about the way something works. With alcohol it was „This naked mind“ and with orgasms it was „Cuipids poisoned arrow“. The last one talks about the effects on orgasms and what is happening in our bodies and brains. It simply helps you to transform your subconscious beliefs. Because that’s what it is all about at this point of your journey. Your subconscious still believes that orgasms are beneficial and helpful for your overall well being. Your woke consciousness knows that PMO isn’t good for you but your subconscious is still behind. That’s where books helped me.

Another thing that helped me with urges in early recovery was meditation. It’s just a good way of handeling your thoughts in difficult situations. Also cold showers are really helpful to build up some willpower early on. But in the end it’s your conviction and belief that there is something to fight and live for. It took me many many relapses to finally be so fed up with my current constitution that it’s just not an option anymore to relapse. I invested so much in my recovery in every aspect that the thought of a relapse is just to hurtful. It would be disrespectful to myself, to betray me any further although I know where everything is going.

 

Relapsing in PAWS will prolong reboot further and further. I'm 5 years in paws actually and still suffering with symptoms due to that reason mentioned above.

 

The relapses occur kind of as a mixture of both the reasons you just gave. My last relapse was on day 13 2 days ago. I was laying in bed and came across an arousing bikini picture and then I lingered on it for a bit. That’s usually how most of my relapses are. I keep looking for too long when I see something arousing. At that point it feels like all the progress of the last 2 weeks is gone because I feel immediately worse and say screw it and relapse by watching porn for 2 hours or so. I know it’s terrible and I think the worst feeling in the world is right after I relapse.

There is literally no worse feeling to me. To watch my family and friends get older and move on with their lives while im stuck as a shell of my former self reminiscing on how amazing my life was in the past before PAWS. I relapse and realize that’s 2 weeks of my life I’ll never get back and how I’ve been stuck in this 2 week relapse cycle for the majority of this year.

You’re absolutely correct when you say it’s 2 years for a life free from this but it’s so hard imagining that. 1 year would be so much more reasonable for my mind to understand. But 2 just makes me go crazy for some reason.

I honestly can’t put into words how much I wish I could go back to myself from just a few years ago, my brain just feels different, I feel like a different person.

Everytime I relapse I try to give myself a little hope by saying maybe I’ll heal within 6 months or a year but I’m starting to really doubt that with all the stories I read here.

I need to find a way to force myself to look away from pictures I’m exposed to but it’s so hard because they’re literally everywhere. My longest streak ever was 23 days. A lot of you on here have many many months or even years while I never even made it a single month. I feel hopeless.

Sorry for the long post but I just don’t know how to climb out of the hole I dug myself into.

 

I resonate greatly with this post.

Ive never watched porn but binged on orgasm throughout my life to make me feel good in the short term and "to be a man".

I masturbated flacid even just to orgasm as fast as possible. It was all about the orgasm for me. I was addicted to that sensation.

For me at least it isnt about porn... Can I be sure my anxiety/depression/tinnitus/ed/absent libido is from this and it can be cured by refraining from orgasm? Not entirely but I can directly link my feelings of exhastion and brain fog to orgasm, I can link my better feeling and parts of my life where orgasm has been lower or absent.

Im on like day 210 and I am starting to get feeling of motivation, emotion, fun, joy occasionally. Still no interest in sex whatsoever. But my life is starting to become content and pleasent rather than a suicidal sad mess.