Trust

First watch this:


Then, play this:
https://ncase.me/trust/

Arent those awesome?! They were life changing for me because I learned about myself and saw how I'm the same as other people where I thought I was different.
First, you might be thinking this should be in off topic and you might be right. Here's why I put it here: difficulty trusting gets in the way of ever recovering from pm+ use. If I can only trust a little I will leave a little out of what I am willing to talk about here and I will leave a little of what people suggest out and I will have a little nagging thought this is crap and a little holding back on participating in my own heading and so on and so on. A lack of trust is also why so many of us don't believe what others tell us: how can I trust that this person isn't lying to control me is how it will sound in the mind
Back to one of the lessons from the above, the one that was most surprising and useful to me: I held grudges, so did other people and there was a reason for that! I knew I held grudges since an early age but I was in denial about for at least a decade and tended to notice more how other people were "too angry too often too easily". Focusing on others' supposed hotheadedness helped mask mine, we all want to think of ourselves as good people and unfortunately that gets confused with "I don't get angry I just have to live with stupid people all around me. I don't get fearful either.". Truth is I held grudges to have a reason to never talk to people out of fear they would hurt me again. I had an itchy trigger finger, like one of the characters in the above if I didn't like one thing someone did that was it. Obviously you can't go through life like that 100% but I was close and the people I couldn't walk away from I built up an anger that was dangerous. I didn't know it but it hurt worse than trusting and getting burned. It reminds me of a quote (ironic to write a Charlie sheen movie on a site we try not to use pm+ as a drug ) from red dawn:
The Colonel: all that hate's gonna burn you up kid
Robert: it keeps me warm.

Anyway I got a little into left field, point was trust seems hard and risky but the math actually works out, if you read Alan c Taylor "mathematics and politics" and follow the proofs you see that trust actually saved the world on at least one occasion but that took decades to hammer out. It's like me, took decades to learn this, from a web game no less, but now there's a recognition of a better way starting with scary levels of trust. I was the grudger, so much so I acted like the cheater, always cheating in order to " not be hurt" and therefore never gaining anything. So I've made a practice since I learned this of going out of my way to trust more, to take trusting actions. In looking forward to being more trusting and less grudging.

 

I tried to practice trusting this weekend by trusting that a loved one had good motives even when I was extremely angry with them. I was driving and extremely stressed, had to pull over and calm down and tried to go out on a limb trusting this person. If course it is a trustworthy person I wouldn't stick around with them if not but in the moment of anger (grudging) it seemed like a big risk.