1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Cant use mental toughness anymore, need something stronger

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by SuperiorMan95, Oct 28, 2020.

  1. SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

    Hey guys,

    I feel like mental training is over hyped in some ways.

    I feel like we have this idealistic expectation that we will be able to just push through these problems through sheer will and discipline. I'm not saying that this is impossible but I am saying that it's unrealistic especially in the short-term. Mental toughness is something that can take years to develop and to do it alone is 10+x harder.

    What I'm suggesting is a radical change in your life so that your environment supports your goals.

    How radical? I'm not sure bc that depends on where you're at in life.

    Here are some examples of external changes you can implement that ease some of the pressure off of you having to push through everything with "mental toughness":

    - Ditch the iPhone and get a flip phone for 90 days.
    - Leave your computer at a friend's house for 90 days, only read when you're bored or work on a hobby/skill.
    - Ditch your miserable high-paying career and instead get a career in something you enjoy even if it pays significantly less.
    - If you feel like doing PMO, put paint on your hands which will at least delay the process.
    - Live at a friend/mentor house for 90 days and have him supervise you
    - Go to a porn rehab center for live-in or weekly meetings
    - Move to a different city where you can more easily find an interesting social circle (if you're lonely)

    What are some creative ways YOU guys know how to structure your environment so that you're not constantly just relying on your will? Cuz let's face it, when your body starts craving PMO, your will will be destroyed by the rationalizations and cravings anyway (more often than not)
     
  2. SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

    Changed the title, maybe that'll espouse some more interest
     
  3. don'tlookbackinanger

    don'tlookbackinanger Fapstronaut

    266
    265
    63
    Radical changes work until they don't.


    What you need to focus on is self discipline which is obviously easier said than done.


    One thing I personally did was open up about my porn addiction with my family. If I didn't have parents I'd open up to a relative or a close friend. Your friends and family are the first people that will come to your aid.


    You open up about your porn addiction on nofap forums as well since most of us are fighting and recovering from the same issue.

    In radical changes, I only suggest doing dopamine fasting, I can explain it to you if you want. I don't suggest other sorts of goofy changes because once you get to a point you break your room's door, you'll find another room to watch porn because porn can mess up your behavior patterns really bad.
     
    SuperiorMan95 likes this.
  4. DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

    180
    263
    63
    I think having a strong "why" is very effective. When our reason for fighting is gone, there is no amount of chains that can hold us back from relapsing.

    So something like a list with convincing long-term benefits, and what happens if you fail. Long-term benefits keep the reptile brain in check. As long as the benefits are convincing enough, you cannot relapse while looking at the list.
     
    SuperiorMan95 likes this.
  5. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

    407
    687
    93
    As a superior man your already stronge than most man
     
  6. SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

    The problem is that responding favorably to porn is and will forever be a part of your natural wiring. Not to mention, all of us are dealing with a lot of shit all the time whether its career or personal relationship struggles. It's not realistic to just rely on discipline when it comes to porn. It's like trying to convince yourself that chocolate isn't tasty.
     
  7. SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

    Not true. I've relapsed many many times while looking at a list, while watching videos about nofap, etc. If it gets bad, it gets bad. I speak from experience, not just theory. The times that I know I'm not going to relapse are usually when I'm somewhere that doesn't have technology and my stress levels are low. I know that's unrealistic but I'm trying to start a conversation.
     
  8. SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

    Thanks I don't think I need this forum then. Thanks for reminding me of my account name!
     
    Queek The HeadTakker likes this.
  9. don'tlookbackinanger

    don'tlookbackinanger Fapstronaut

    266
    265
    63

    but chocolate is tasty and like porn, it is addicting and overconsumption is harmful :>


    you can do everything you want but in the end the last stand one has is their self discipline
     
    SuperiorMan95 likes this.
  10. ndemo15

    ndemo15 New Fapstronaut

    1
    3
    3
    Hi, can you explain me how to
    Can you explain me what dou you mean about "doing dopamine fasting"? I need to know more about how can I get dopamine from another source, because of quarentien sometimes is harder to stick to a goal, because you're in a cage so yor best partner is porn and your brain doesn't know another source for obtaining dopamine, in other words porn keeps you happy while you are locked, but what if you can be happy with other things? I think that's what I need.
     
  11. InTheWilderness

    InTheWilderness Fapstronaut

    130
    209
    63
    As long we’re on this earth, living in this body of flesh, the desire and lust for the female body will always exist. Lust is in our heart. It’s part of our sinful nature. If there’s an opportunity to sleep with as many women as we can without any consequences, us men would take it without any hesitation.

    But what stops us? The law and fear. Fear of being caught and fear of the consequences prevent us from living out our urges and desire. So, look around you. The people that seems to be on their best behaviour, they all have lust in their heart. It’s always there. It can’t be erased. But it can be subdued and suppressed. That’s why people relapsed, and those that don’t understand that lust is in the heart are puzzled and wonder why they still go back to PMO. You can never erase your lust for flesh and skin. That urge and desire will always be there with you in your heart, waiting to be free to act it out. Willpower can only work temporary... it’s not a long term solution.

    What you need is a love and desire for someone / something that is GREATER than your desire for PMO. I love video games, especially FPS, but I don’t play games anymore. Does this mean that I have lost the desire for games? Not really. I have other desires that surpasses my desire to sit and waste time playing games. But if I lose these other desires, such as the desire to work on and improve myself, then I will have nothing else to do and then fall back into playing video games.

    Same thing with P. Right now, for the majority of men out there, the desire for PMO is greater than everything else in their lives. And the only way to subdue/suppress this desire for PMO is by having another desire/urge that is even GREATER.

    The answer? Jesus and seek first His Kingdom. When you have a desire to live right and please God, and to be conformed to the image of His Son... and when you have a desire to seek first His Kingdom, and to go about His business, then that will conquer your desire for PMO. This is the long term solution. Because each morning you wake up, the Great Commission is calling you, and there are plenty of works in the Kingdom to be done. There are people to minister to, people to teach and disciple, churches to attend, etc... all that is ETERNAL and has no end here on earth.

    Now, suppose your desire is to work on yourself. Now what happen if you’re aging, or at a place where you can no longer work on yourself? You will fall back into PMO. This is but one example, and I’m sure you can fill in the rest.
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2020
    SuperiorMan95 and ndemo15 like this.
  12. SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

    Well dopamine isn't the only chemical worth exploring. There's also seratonin, oxytocin, etc. The feeling that porn provides is usually intense stimulation, a sort of heightened mental state but not much else. You could replace this by doing anything that's exciting but that's too one-sided. You may also benefit from doing things that make you feel loved or loving others. Doing good for the community/family. How are things at home? Do you feel love from your family?
     
  13. SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

    Great post and good for you man. I am glad that you have connected to your religion and that it's helping you out. Really awesome stuff. This is a great example of something that you can change about your environment, something radical. Being a part of a church community, attending meetings, reading the bible, prayer; these are all great things and they help you avoid using self-discipline alone.

    One of the reasons I believe self-discipline alone doesn't tend to work reliably is that if you don't have anything external supporting your practice, it's too easy to come up with rationalizations when you start to crave PMO. However, if your environment, especially something so deep/meaningful as a religion supports you, your chances go up drastically.

    I struggle with Christianity. I sometimes go into it and then other times I move away from it but I agree with many of the lessons found in the bible for sure. The biggest thing that I always remember from the bible is to be good, do good, and seek virtuous living as well as the importance of family.
     

Share This Page