I need your help please. I can't do this anymore.

Suicide is the ultimate defeat so have faith and dont quit

 

Welcome to the community, mate.

Hop into an accountability group, go cold turkey for 90 days and see what happens! Be prepared for evenings when you'll be howling from arousal and holding your mouse cursor over that pornhub.com tab in a dramatic internal conflict between desire and reason. Think of a substitute activity for those moments, like doing pushups or calling mom. Do something for yourself in the meantime to vent off the frustration: healthy diet, gym, pool, jogging, cycling, language course - you name it... Just to instill in your soul a sense of going forward with your life rather than just standing in place. The latter attitude won't get you far.

I've kind of been where you are now years ago, and I can tell you that while all I wrote above stands true, what really got me off porn is finding a worthy woman (in fact she found me, so I had it easier) and starting a family with her. I'm now father to two great kids and life's never been better and my mind freeer from the PMO shit. So I definitely recommend trying to find a woman for life.*

* TIP: Tinder is not recommended for this search

Challenge yourself and move forward! I can relate to your black dicks fetish somewhat; it most likely stems from low self-esteem which I too have struggled with. All those shitty fetishes will leave your mind once you cleanse it for a good 100 days or so.

 

Never quit! No matter how bleak and filled with despair with life there is always the opportunity to rise above !!!

 

You can do it! Do it not for yourself but your unborn sons and daughters.

 

I never had your fantasies but I decided no more porn and I won't masturbate again until I finish rebooting. What I did was, first of all, delete ALL of my porn. I unjoined ALL the porn subreddits. I deleted all my porn bookmarks from my browser. I went into my Reddit settings and toggled the setting that won't let me see porn or NSFW photos or gifs. On my Google Search, I turned on SafeSearch. I did all I could to ensure I couldn't see any porn anymore. Once that is done, you need to find WHY you want to go on this journey. That WHY will help you commit to this process. What I did after that is when I'd get an urge, I come here and read and reply to others. Takes my mind off the urge. Also, I don't fight the urge. I look it in the eye, try to understand it, and then let it go. I have personally sworn off all porn. I have the additional obstacle of being a prostate cancer survivor and because of the surgery I had, I have permanent ED. Still, I've been looking at porn and masturbating for over 30 years. I want to end my PMO so that maybe I can enjoy my relationship I'm in with a wonderful woman for the past 13 years. My surgery was 8 years ago. Ask any question and I'll answer. Best of luck to you.

 

Hello, friend. I hope you feel welcome on our forum. There is no shame in admitting where you got lead astray from who you were destined to be. I myself have been struggling with fetish stuff for the past 4-5 years. I am 18 as well. There is no sense in allowing the pixels on your screen, and the chemicals ib your brain decide who you will be. I know how it feels to be to the point that you almost have no self control. You must take the utmost aggressive stance on eliminating it from your life.

Suicide is not the way out. Prove your inner demons wrong, and be the man you were meant to be. It will be hard. Excruciating urges as well as the ups and downs your brain will throw at you will come and go fro a while. But at some point if you do not feed the dragon it will eventually starve. Destroy the neural pathways that lead you to associate pleasure with a screen, and eventually you will walk the path of salvation. It is a lifelong path that we as men must choose to follow. We must not allow ourselves to end up in the victim mindset. It only makes you feel weaker as you lay in submission to your addiction. Think of the addiction as your enemy. The enemy that has for so long messed up your life. It messed up mine too. Poisoned us both. But you and me can overcome it. We can defeat it. It is not something that will hold power over us forever. I welcome you, friend to walk the path of salvation. Join us all on this life long journey of freedom!

 

I'm a newcomer to nofap so I can't offer any advice on that specifically, but I just want to say that I believe in you. You can do this, but be kind to yourself and forgiving when you make mistakes. Don't aim for perfection; aim for improvement. Over a long period of time that will likely effect big changes.

I have gone through many days where I've had suicidal ideations, thoughts and feelings. I've not ever felt so compelled to actually try to kill myself, but I've certainly thought about it. You know what? Those days pass. Someday (maybe soon) you'll be sitting at your computer typing out a forum post on someone else's thread (like me) and realize that you don't really have those thoughts anymore and life is generally good.

So when you have those thoughts, take them with a giant grain of salt. Realize that they will pass. And also you are young and insanely hormonal right now; such things might be considered normal even in the absence of porn addiction. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself some time and space to make changes.

Also, this is something that has helped me tremendously. I'm not normally into the "woo woo" stuff, and although this may seem that way it's really not. There is a fairly solid scientific basis to the Wim Hof Method and I can tell you from my own personal experience that this exercise is incredible. If you have just a few minutes to spare, lie on the floor, close your eyes, put on some headphones (if you have some) and follow along:

 

hello and thanks for sharing. its great for you to reach out, it shows to me (and the world) that you are (still) a fighter. you perceive somethings right and want to change it, and even though you struggle, you want to fight and become better. i have the utmost respect for you. yes you may struggle, but thats all part of life my man, no one was born perfect; the men you might look up to, they had to fight hard and earn their virtue and nobility. so, hang in there, it will get better, that i am 100% sure of. perseverance is key. the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. and then from there you make the next. you might fall, but you stand up. and keep going. as long as you have the desire to become better version of yourself, free from pmo, you will get there, one day. the very road you take is a maturing process, and you will learn on the way, as i have, that real freedom doesnt begin when you reach your destiny, real freedom begins in the moment you make the decision to set foot on this path. you do not need a psychiatrist or pills, they can and in most cases do cause more harm than good. you are perfectly healthy individual, only your messed up with bad habits. cut the bad habits, replace them with good ones, its really that simple. trust in the process.

 

Hello @The Diesel Truck !
I congratulate you for turning immediately to a professional, but I wanna point out one thing: the pills you mention are not the cure to your ills, but something that will give you an "extra boost" in the darkest moments of your recovery.
I don't know if you have already done it (probably yes) but talk to your psychiatrist also about the discomforts that cause you excessive masturbation, porn and unwanted erotic fantasies: having started at only 12-13 years old may have led you to think that your sexual gratification is to be found in particular and explicit things (like the fetishes you mentioned above) and now you live this situation very badly, because you realized that it is not at all from porn that sexual gratification starts.
I am not a psychologist, so I refrain from giving other personal opinions on you. However, you can keep track of your progress in a daily journal (It's something I would recommend to you).
Have a good day!

 

You're lucky to be here because I have taken those pills and they have COMPLETELY FUCKED ME UP!!

Don't take this shit, it has made my problems MUCH worse, trust me. It won't help at all. It will create more problems in your life. I have stopped taking them 3 years ago but I know I will never be the same again.

You are not different, most of us have been stuck here for many many years. Porn is just very addicting. Don't take this shit, man.

If you want something that could help then try those porn blockers:
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...ve-your-willpower-an-aid-easy-streaks.272658/
The android part needs update though.

Thank me later for not taking those fucking pills. Tell your damn doctor to try them himself before prescribing them to other people.