Success: 43 days / few benefits (just getting started though)

Hey there!

Why that weird number of 43?

Well, numbers are just numbers. What matters more to me is the feeling: how does my life feel?

I reached 43 days today, i thought about posting something earlier, but wasn't sure about it. Is this really an achievement? I would say yes now, because: The last big streak was roughly a year ago, which was 56 days. Back then, i had huge benefits.

Now, i see one major benefit: i little shift in conscious. I am noticing more about my day to day behaviour. I realize more often, when i am wasting time, or when i just do something not to feel anything, in short, when i am living in repression.

This seems to be the major issue to me: that i am living in repression to often. You skip how you really feel, cause you feel bad (this may be just being tired, having a bad mood, etc.). What i do then is in a big range of activities: netflix binging, internet surfing (you cannot think about yourself if you are consuming information like a sponge), computer games, drinking. And of course, cam sites was one, before the streak started.

I also noticed, that i am getting more confident, slightly but noticeable. Theres not huge lines of chicks ranging my bell, like others report, lol. We will see what the future may bring. But to be honest, i think the fixation/focus on the female is also in my case often a way of repression. I want to be happy, and i subconsciously see it as a kind of paradise to be in a relationship. The right thing to do would be to focus on my life and making it better. I wouldnt mind dating, if i knew that i was on a good way to a better life. I am in a way, cause i am starting to do different things (f.e. not fapping), but i think the issue is far bigger than fapping and not fapping. Dont get me wrong, it is a problem! But i have the feeling that it is one of many negative habits. And that the streak is helping me to realize, that there are many issues to tackle to make my life better. And i think if i would more efficiently tackle them, it would make me more resilient towards relapsing. All of this is very logic to me, shockingly easy to understand, yet, to make a difference and really change your behaviour seems impossible sometimes.

So i want to say to you, that i am on my way. I am glad i made it this far, but it feels like this can only be just the beginning. And i think i will fail, if i just set up not to fap. I think, i will need to really start some better habits and routines.

It is really difficult, cause repression is a downward-spiral: more repression of negative feelings leads to less really living, which leads to more negative judgement towards yourself, which often leads you towards more repression of negative feelings. You may be succesful in not fapping for a few weeks, but if you dont tackle your bad dealing with emotions and behaviour in general, i guess you are bound to fail on the long run.

I wouldnt say that i can motivate people with too many benefits today, and i have a long way to go before i can really show others a way:
"A mother brought her young son to Mahatma Gandhi. She begged, "Please, Mahatma. Tell my son to stop eating sugar."
Gandhi paused, then said, "Bring your son back in two weeks." Puzzled, the woman thanked him and said that she would do as he had asked.
Two weeks later, she returned with her son. Gandhi looked the youngster in the eye and said, "Stop eating sugar."
Grateful but bewildered, the woman asked, "Why did you tell me to bring him back in two weeks? You could have told him the same thing then."
Gandhi replied, "Two weeks ago, I was eating sugar."

So in some way, i am like Gandhi here, not fully through "my two weeks". Still i think the one benefit that i can tell of is this increased awareness. Which could be pure gold, if you consider the possibility that it could lead to more changes in other areas of life.

Btw: i had sex two weeks into the streak. I really got the feeling that every time i am on a streak, it "just happens" to me, meaning that i always have sex then, if i do not actively say no. Possibilities occur more often then. I even got the feeling sometimes, that i do meet more attractive women, when i am on a streak, which sounds like complete BULLSHIT. You could only explain it with a non-western set of ideas, which has more to do with a mystic-esoteric view. But i wouldnt go as far as to say, that this is really true at this point, but i will update you on my experiences.

I could only get out of this hard-wired-conditioning i had with pluckeye in the first two weeks. After that, the filter stopped working, probably cause i couldnt pay them. But then i managed to say no to it, 2 or 3 times edging. It is so much easier now.

Disciplines/Routines i want to apply:
-morning meditation
-exercise mondays, tuesdays, fridays
-writing a diary daily, at least a few words a day

Tell me what you think.

Good luck with your journey brothers, i think nofap is a good way to change your life!

 

Hey there,

i would say it is a mix of both. But i wouldnt rely too much on willpower in the beginning (this is out of a conversation on the forum):

"Big advice, as i would say: dont trust yourself and learn to trust yourself.
You seem to be addicted. So you can never trust your willpower to solve this alone. On the other hand, if you would think that it would be like this forever, it would mean you must be an addict forever.
So for the first few weeks at least, you should get those triggers out of your environment. I installed the filter pluckeye and that worked for roughly 2 weeks, until i was able to abstain with willpower (even though i edged a few times). BUt now it seems like i do not have urges.
So for the first phase, lock that shit away from yourself.
BUT: in order to be free, you gotta learn to really make that decision AGAINST porn again and again. Cause life will keep on offering you chances to watch porn. Or whatever makes you horny."

I had a discussion on this forum about the free will thing:

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/pmo-has-no-power-over-you.290204/

I do not think, that it is important what your philosophical standpoint is, here. The thing is, that even science and philosophy have diverse opinions on that and it is still a question to what degree we have free will, or if we have it at all (depending on what you are filling the words "free" and "will" with). If they dont agree, and the discussion has been going on for more than 2000 years, i bet we wont.

But to me, it is also your free will, if you are taking triggers away from yourself. You could also choose not to. And i think you should take everything away from yourself that you can, in order to make you win in this battle. BUT, you can also choose the very honorable way of the sex monk, who is plastering his walls with pussy pics and wakes up to the sound of moaning women, just to prove the point that your willpower is so goddamn great and then manage to not touch yourself. I bet you will earn a lot of respect (on some realm of reality), but i would ask myself if this is the right moment to put your will to the test at max.
Cause lets be honest: you are probably not famous for your willpower, if you have been struggling with this a long time and tried to quit before. And IF YOU ARE, and still dont manage not to fap, this proves even more that your willpower is not very much at work here, thus you should make it easier for you to succeed.
Plus: at the end of the day, you wont make it with JUST changing your environment either. Cause if you make filters on your devices, which keep you from seeing nudes, then you can still fap, or you can go to a place outside of your house to get your dose of nudes. If you are really willing to get them, you will get them and despite of your changed environment.
BUT: the reason you are changing your environment is that it is at least MORE DIFFICULT or you HAVE TO PUT IN MORE EFFORT in order to get your dose of dopamine. And on the spectrum from plastering your walls with pussy pics to banning all media from your house, there is a lot of gradation that matters for the specific probability that you would relapse. You do not HAVE TO run this experiment to prove this.

So choose your weapons wisely is what i would say.

 

Thanks for the encouragement, same to you, lets do it!

 

Thanks for the encouragement, same to you, lets do it!

 

Hm, yeah in my case it IS a symptom of many. And i think my life is in many areas far from perfect. To me, this has a lot to do with being able to control your behaviour in general. If that is, above porn, not an issue to you, be glad about it! I was speaking in general, but i meant people like me who have problems with self-regulation beyond porn.

How i am getting sex? Bro that is a good one!
I dont think that i am getting it, its more that i have encounters and if i want to (and my spirit is not crushed and i am attracting), then i have it. Its more complicated than that sometimes, but i dont want to get into the details here at the moment.

But good question, the second one, even though i dont completely get it. You cant just turn someone into something, i dont have a magic stick (funny, aint it?). You need someone to agree to it... but maybe i should have done that.

 

I partly agree. There are some things you can explain with this "i am more happy, therefor i attract more people"-hypothesis, its highly plausible.

But if you are MEETING MORE attractive ladies than before (which could DEFINITELY be a misjudgement i am aware), this cant be explained with that hypothesis. And this would not be a causality that could be judged by western scientific thinking (f.e. psychology).
It would be more in this direction:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_attraction_(New_Thought)

...cause if someone is not seeing/feeling you, they cannot be attracted by you or your positive mind/radiation/happiness.

I dont want to persuade you, i am just explaining and thinking loud. I dont even know, if i should believe something like this myself.