How do I stop rationalising PMO use?

My most recent rationalisation was that I was 'just going to listen to some lofi hip hop beats'. I walked out mid-conversation when I was talking to my dad and I remember seeing how disgruntled he looked. He wanted me to speak to him. He was enjoying my company and all of a sudden I pulled it away from him. He was confused.

I went downstairs and scrolled for a couple of hours. I then started writing to distract myself, but in between lines I was still scrolling for PMO. I then went upstairs. I saw a chart on the wall which I wrote when I went off here for awhile because I wanted to see if I could fap once every three days, which makes no sense because I tried it before and became too impulsive, breaking my original plan. I can't deny the fact that I'm addicted, it would be stupid to do so.

Last time I fapped I made a joke of it, so I'm not taking it as seriously as I once did. If I don't take NoFap seriously, then how can I expect to find success on this journey? It shows that I'm clearly out of touch with reality. I need to centre myself somehow, meditating inconsistently (sometimes 3 minutes, sometimes 1 hour) isn't going to cut it. I need actual purpose. My work is my purpose. How do I motivate myself, especially after fapping and in the flatline, to do the work? This is without the use of PMO as a form of procrastination. Other than that, do you have any ideas?