1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

I may get married next year. How do I control myself?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by RaptorsandChelsea, Oct 28, 2020.

  1. RaptorsandChelsea

    RaptorsandChelsea Fapstronaut

    46
    165
    33
    So I have a wedding planned next year.

    I have started NoFap in the spring of this year and made some improvements compared to my past habits. In the past, I would relapse every day. Since I started nofap, I have been relapsing once or twice a week max (longest streak being 10 days).

    In the last week, it has become pretty bad where I'm relapsing everyday. I want to prepare myself and completely stop PMOing before I tie the knot to prevent any sorts of problems in our marriage . Any advice ?
     
    Outside and JamesTheSquirrel like this.
  2. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

    4,195
    7,774
    143
    Tell you fiancé.
     
  3. I really regret not getting clean before getting married and I appreciate that you are trying to quit.

    I fully agree with @Psalm27:1my light. You should tell your fiancée. Telling my wife was an absolutely brutal experience but it was the catalyst that I needed to properly start my recovery process. In addition, your fiancée really deserves to know before she commits to spending the rest of her life with you. You don't want to start your marriage based on lies and secrecy.

    My other advice is that you really have to commit to actively recovering, it's not enough to just try and avoid PMO. This again is something that is a lot easier if you don't have to hide it from your partner. Start a journal on this site and post in it everyday, read other people's journals and support them on their journeys, critically assess your relationship with PMO and actively start to develop good habits and thought processes.

    Best of luck with your journey!
     
  4. fadedfidelity

    fadedfidelity Fapstronaut

    Honestly, you need to understand that marrying her and keeping this kind of secret will RUIN HER. She will no longer trust you nor men in general. The gig will be up soon--maybe a month, maybe a year, but she will know something is off.
    Unless you get yourself conseling/therapy, and do noFap for YOURSELF, it will not work and you will ruin the woman you supposedly love. She will always be second to your addiction.
    She will notice you aren't having sex with her like newlyweds normally do, and she will be ignored and left alone while you are focused on porn in a room to yourself. It is too much work for you to pleasure her instead of just yourself and the screen, so you deny her and do your own thing while she cries herself to sleep wondering why she isn't good enough for you.
    Try putting yourself in her shoes. Imagine her having a secret that she had sex addiction and has already been sleeping around on you and watching men on live chat. She can't stop and does it everyday. She thinks about it constantly. Unbeknownst to you, she can't get off with just you and needs porn and those other men to satisfy her after or before she is with you. How do you feel? Betrayed? Used like a pawn? Lied to? Do you trust her? There is no love without trust in a relationship.
     
  5. eagle rising

    eagle rising Fapstronaut

    Hey @RaptorsandChelsea,

    You don't control yourself, you redirect yourself. There is a stark difference. Controlling yourself is like trying to wrestle with beast without you having any weaponry or armor. You must redirect your energy, your brain will adjust, how long that takes depends on how bad you really want to change. If your brain stimulates the wires that feed your sexual fantasy, ignore it and do something else or continue doing what you were doing.
     
    looklike4 likes this.
  6. antiporn-charlie

    antiporn-charlie Fapstronaut

    9
    7
    3
    If my husband had been honest with me about his porn use before we got married, we would be in an entirely different place right now. Discovering it (not him coming clean on his own) almost a year after we got married has probably destroyed our relationship. You will be more likely to stop using porn if you tell your fiance NOW. If you wait to come clean until after you're married (or even worse, your spouse discovers it without you coming clean on your own), they will probably feel as though you've trapped them into marriage, just like I feel right now. And it's just plain selfish to enter into a committed marriage when you are essentially cheating on your partner with a screen. Not trying to be harsh, just honest. I hope you can stop using porn soon.
     
    Outside and fadedfidelity like this.
  7. hakihitoro

    hakihitoro Fapstronaut

    188
    1,735
    123
    Tell her! That's what I did, and even though I takes time as I am still recovering, telling her beforehand was absolutely crucial to me.
     
    Outside likes this.

Share This Page