Relationship Problems While on PMO

Fellas, I need some insight.

I've been dating my girlfriend for 8 months now and are having problems & we are having problems, mainly from my end. I had picked up porn throughout this relationship due to the temptation of wanting a sexual encounter with my girl. We hadn't had sex for about 6 months (DREADFUL, & don't kill me in the comments) but, due to distance and pandemic, we would sext and FT'X. So temptation arose to watch porn and masturbate after a long streak. Originally I thought it would be easy to quit porn if I masturbated one more time, and I kept saying that every time I finished. After we finally did have sex, I thought, 'this is it, and no more will I need to ever look at P again.' I was wrong and continued to watch porn, fall back into my old habits, breaking my word, procrastination, becoming lazy, etc. All of this came back. I enjoy the sex, and she does too, but there is a lot of insecurity, I feel, millions of thoughts of "What If's" & that I'm just a bum'. Overall my actions have led to more arguments, self-doubt, horrible results in all my work, clouded judgment, insecurity, passivity, poor eating, and the list goes on. My girl is becoming unhappy, and it is a result lt of my choices from my end, and it's driving my insane because I'm doing it.
I really want to know if watching Porn played a role in becoming low in a relationship or stemming from becoming sexually active again after a long 130day streak (I broke the streak before her, but m'd 5 times).

Would I see a change for us if I abstained from ejaculation completely, or would just abstaining from P be just as rewarding?

HELP PLEASE. Preferably from others who have been in the same situation.


I feel helpless and low. For those who participate in PMO while in a relationship, I want to know do you guys have issues stemming from continually watching porn even in a relationship?

 

Thank you for the insight, I overthink a lot and you trimming the fat to my words helps and sparks hope. Thank you