THE SUPER SAIYAN CHALLENGE! What is your Power Level?! (RANKS ARE BACK, GET YOURS NOW!

Day 9
Today I felt good and ready to take on the day, but resisting was a challenge as my girlfriend made things harder... literally (we are isolated from each other). But I did a cold shower and meditated so I got back on track.
I've noticed that I am quite productive even in my unproductive days. I'm liking this again... though I need to integrate more structure.
See you tomorrow!

 

Day 28, checking in. Still going strong. Technically its day 29 because my counter should count at 12Pm but whatever

 

relapsed, restarting

 

Day 103!

 

Day 2, Checking in

 

142 days

 

I Relapsed on the second of this month, so i tried abstraining from tecnology a little. Im 7 days in right now and safe. Idk if i can start here on day 7 so im going day 1!

 

Day 1!
I started again, I'm training already!

 

Checking in!
Hi guys! I have an idea on how to improve the challenge and get longer streaks-Let's do some description of the relapse:-What was the trigger?How long did it take to give in?What would you do next time in the same situation to avoid it and stay on course?
Because honestly it mostly the same things going in circles without us nailing them down.

 

Day 2 check in. Meditated, had a cold shower, read a book, went out for a run. Productive day!

 

Day 74.

It has been rough going for the past couple of days. Still I continue.

 

Day 118.

 

Day 104!

 

After reading @Slider8 's suggestion of describing our failures to understand them better and act against them effectively, I decided to share my journal entry of a sad failure I had 2 days ago. Hopefully this can help other fapstronauts and also help me as well.

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Unfortunately another relapse on day 13.

This fucking shit was caused by bad communication between me and my girlfriend. I sent her a text in the morning as a response to a text of hers at night.
I didn't ask for a response nor was it obvious that it needed one. Still I would have liked an answer but I didn't express that.

As the day was progressing, many hours passed and I didn't receive an answer. I started getting very irritated, anxious, upset and angry.
My mind was fixed on the negative thought that she was purposefully ignoring me and something bad was going on.
I am getting triggered badly when I don't get responses withing a reasonable time because of hurtful past experiences with shitty, unprincipled, piece of shit, callous, egotistical girls.

I sent a text expressing my negative feelings and got an abrupt text back telling me to better talk tomorrow with a calmer mood.
I learned the next day that she also had a shit day and was very anxious but didn't know it at the time.
That in combination with some job-search programming tests I had to complete but didn't manage to, sent my stress levels and my negative thoughts to very high levels.
My hurt and stress turned into anger, a sense of defeat and resignation and then a desire for vengeance, a desire to strike back.

I thought "Fuck this, she doesn't care about me anyway, I'll just watch porn and fuck that".
My usual mindfulness was gone and so was my resistance as I was subconsciously motivated and overtaken by petty, selfish, evil, dark side motives.

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Next day we discussed and she was crushed by my porn usage. Even more so because it was in response to us not being in a good place with each other.
As she said and I think she does have a point, this is something dangerous that could potentially escalate to cheating if not controlled and eliminated now.
She also got deeply hurt because she had a relationship with a porn addict in the past and that left with with a lot of scars.
She does not want to repeat this and told me that if I don't get rid of PMO, she will leave me even though she loves me and does not want things to play out that way.

This is SERIOUS shit and I have to somehow internalize it and deeply intuitively understand that.
I intent to take measures to respond to this situation as I don't want to lose her either. She is a great girl that has stood by me in intensely shitty situations.

These measures are:
1. Elevating porn to the same level of harm as texting other girls. A behavior that while not including physical contact is sneaky, dishonest, dishonorable and terribly destructive. Such behavior is reason enough for a breakup on the spot. Because after something like this trust is shattered.
2. Figure out a way to handle tension and negative feelings between us in a more healthy way. Having some tension every now and then is inevitable in human relationships. Turning away from my girlfriend and wanting to punish her by looking at porn is seriously destructive and could potentially lead to instantly catastrophic behaviors such as cheating.
3. Work on my psychological hurt from the past and try to amend that. CBT therapy is very effective in this.
4. Improve communication. It is stupid to think that all this drama unfolded from a single misunderstanding but that is what happened. Had I managed to escape being caught up in my negative thoughts for 2 minutes and sent a text asking for reassurance, things would have gone much better. So I must practice reaching out when I feel bad.

My next steps are figuring out ways to implement these measures in practice and building a long PMO streak of over a month to help my mind heal.
The support and encouragement of the group will be greatly appreciated!
Never give up!

 

Day 3