Appearance

It was actually the opposite, he has never felt good enough for me or attractive enough for me. In the beginning, I was the cute one, way out of his league, now though, he’s way out of my league in terms of looks. If your husband actually said this, why in the world would he start dating you in the beginning? Most men go for women they are physically attracted to. I’d say if he said this, it’s more porn induced than reality.

 

I've got to agree with this statement of 'porn induced' as I broke something of with quite a nice girl after having a relapse in the weekend after seeing her. The next week I discovered she wasn't attractive enough. Which was odd as I found her very attractive. Anyway long story short I ended things. Probably for the best as I need this well under control before getting to involved with anyone. I'm not taking it into a marriage.
Also maybe one thing to think about for yourself is that a pmo addicted mind is going to say all sorts of things that one would not even think about. So don't take that to heart if he said it. I don't know much about your situation but I applaud you both for sticking by your husband's through it all. That's really honerable.
I wish you all the best. You'll get there @DefendMyHeart hopefully he has some eureka moments soon.

 

He needs at least a month clean probably from all. So not even sex. It was after about two weeks then a month I noticed the healing of the mind. It wires us to live in a fantasy world. And it's pretty freaking cringe to tell you the truth. But way I see it my mind has stopped thinking about it even with a couple relapses. It's wiring back to enjoy interaction with females without any filth repeating in the mind. It's tough but he will normalize in time. Stay strong.

 

Does he still say this even after being clean? I think I would be absolutely crushed if my husband said this, and then I would be livid.

 

OP, not sure if this helps...

Few years ago, I came across a girl that I was infatuated with. The way God placed her facial features in its appropriate locations got my attention. BUT in term of appearance, I have seen much more beautiful faces throughout my life. She doesn’t have boobs (almost flat) like most girls/women have. Face Skin isn’t smooth (lots of holes and bumps). I got to see it with my eyes one day when she didn’t use any makeup. Yet I found her very attractive. There was also one time I was on a bus, and saw this couple. The woman had A LOT of freckles all over her face yet that didn’t take away the beauty I saw in her face. You might not believe this as a woman but sometimes our imperfections are what makes us beautiful and unique. Did you know that the left side of your face isn’t identical to your right side? It’s not that you’re not beautiful but something has clouded his eyes from seeing the beauty in you.

Take a photo of a well known celebrity that you find attractive. Cut half the face and mirror it to make both sides identical.... you will not find it as attractive. (Others have done this experiment you can search it up)

anyway, back to the two examples above: here’s the thing: I like a pair of nice looking boobs. Love smooth skin. Basically all the stuff you see in P. I find women in P a lot more beautiful and desiring. Mostly their bodies because most faces aren’t that attractive (for me anyway). But when I compare them to the women that I’m infatuated with in real life, the women in real life don’t look as good when compared to P women, yet the women in real life that I’m infatuated with is the kind of women that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Not sure if I’m making any sense ... typing this slowly on my phone so thoughts might not flow. We all know the difference between a need and a want. Men can have desire of sleeping with other women or thinking of P women yet at the same time can still love their wives. As long we don’t act it out and learn to sanctify the mind.

we also need to keep in mind that the wife will get older and age. This is a fact. And younger ones will always show up and you simply can’t compete with it EVEN if you are beautiful and very good looking right now with a perfect body. Later on your look will be no match for the younger ones that will come along.

All married men with beautiful wives have to always guard their hearts. Getting married with a beautiful woman doesn’t solve the problem for men... if it does we wouldn’t be seeing divorces and adulteries.

 

This reminds me of the brain and its being rewired to visual vs the feeling of being with each other sexually.

 

If my husband said that to me i would be crushed too. I am nothing like what he looked at and I am quit a bit older which made me feel like a bag of poo, then led me to wearing layers of clothing and not even bathing with out having some type of clothing on if he was here.

 

That’s one of the reasons for marriage and commitment. There would be no reason for me to promise till death do us part if the urge and temptation to look at another woman doesn’t exist. But since it exists, it makes the promises and commitment more meaningful.

As a man, I know that if I were to marry so and so, down the road our marriage might go through trials and I would be tempted to look elsewhere for gratification. Yet knowing that I vow to fight it and to remain faithful. We don’t have to act upon our urges and desires but it’s healthy and good to confess and acknowledge. It brings healing and understanding and can even pull the two together. Communication is crucial and how we communicate is also important. Doing it right can bring health and healing to the wife.