Sadness is deep

Sorry, about it being very difficult for you is this common for you or is this a new thing?

 

Thinking about, fantasizing about, remembering and/or drooling over the addictive pleasure to which you are accustomed will most certainly make the urges unbearable. One who can resist for more than two or three weeks in such a condition is an amazingly determined, if not self-aware, individual.

The best way to stop the urges is to stop the thought processes that lead to them. Don't permit those thoughts to occupy your mind more than a moment. As soon as the thought of anything that would lead in the forbidden direction comes to mind, immediately dismiss it. Choose to think of something else. Habits start with actions; actions start with thoughts; and thoughts are of the mind. The battle is not in the body, but in the mind. Maintain a careful vigil on your thoughts, and you will be soon on the road to recovery from the habits your former thoughts had permitted.

It's a bit like the forbidden cookie jar: Sit and drool over it, wishing you could have just one; or ignore the jar and go play elsewhere. One of these two behaviors will make it seem unbearable to not have a cookie--I think you know which one.

 

I meant the tears over the urges is that new?

 

Hang in there!

 

Maybe try meditation.
I use transcendental meditation for 2 times per day 20 minutes each.

Over time meditation will allow you to become focused and allow you to be more introspective and find what the underlying cause of your stress is.

There is something, perhaps in your subconscious, that is causing you stress. You just need to search within yourself to find out what it is. You are using PMO as a replacement for whatever is in you that is causing you stress.

 

The strong urges you feel is reaction of your brain that is trying to trick you to return to your old habits - as in fight with any addiction, it's not easy to get rid of previous lifestyle, it's a slow and steady process but remember that it is possible to change your life for the better, there is hope for all of us. Recognize what are the triggers that might push you to search for P and try to eradicate them - give the urges and temptations no foothold in your mind, as @Do all to the glory of God correctly said the battle is for your mind, it all starts there. Here are some wise words from Laozi regarding to this:

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Good luck friend, stay strong, we all went through tough times and remember that it's always darkest before the dawn. And never let your guard down - if you slip get up and keep pushing forward, we have a free will and we can decide in which way we will steer our life, the choice is yours.

Godspeed!

 

Hey man, sending you good vibes, also going through a tough time its hard recognizing you were living in a fantasy for so long which is what porn DOES it gets you to live in fantasy...because the desire is so STRONG but you have to say to yourself "THANK YOU! For allowing me to see the light!" to see that porn and the sex industry as a whole (camming, sexting, strip clubs, massages and escorts) are just a dead end road...

There's healthy ways of getting that SAME dopamine hit from porn what helped me was making a list of things I liked to do before porn took such a HOLD as like the MOST important "hobby" of my life, guys make a "hobby" out of watching porn and seeing escorts calling themselves "hobbyists" which is laughable...they're just lying to themselves and cheating themselves out of a good life by being delusional...and making meaningless sex the most important thing in their lives, meaningless sex messes with your head bottom line, you just HAVE to get out of thinking about sex

To me a hobby offers some kind of lasting benefit and you're developing SOMETHING, or just having FUN I dug deep and realized for ME hobbies I enjoyed were:

Skiing
Bowling
Softball
Going to Concerts
Playing an Instrument
Learning new things, taking courses online
Going to pop culture conventions

I recommend finding a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) to work with so they can help you see that the sex industry is just a massive trap for men, and just a pure money pit...its literally like setting money on fire, and contributing to your OWN self destruction.. Its all about putting yourself first and doing things you enjoy outside of sex and porn...the sex industry literally takes advantage of lonely men looking for female companionship and intimacy just CAN'T be bought and sold it just can't be...