Catfishing Addiction

Some things are better left unseen. You should delete these accounts

 

I feel like you might have some resentment and anger issues to work through. Your writing references friendzone, shame, wishing you were someone else. All of these are huge mental and emotional issues that can take a while to work through with a specialist.

It's not healthy, as the person above said you should delete the accounts and block the apps and end this. Then find someone to talk to about this.

 

Years ago after going through some serious traumas such as having both of my parents being diagnosed with terminal diseases, losing my job, being more or less homeless after a breakup, and lots and again lots of other stuff, I developed a porn addiction as a way to escape, long story short, I got addicted to doing similar things as you, but using pics of my GF who I love so dearly.


I finally managed to quit and also tell her about it.
I talked to her about it and we solved it, she knows about my struggle and has been my number one support, and I can’t be more thankful.

Why did I do those things? I really don’t know, I think it was a way for me to feel some kind of validation in the darkness of everything else.
When everything felt horrible, I could at least feel that I had something that others wanted, it was a thrill.


I don’t know about your age, or about your background, but I was 22-23 and had been hiding from my emotions caused by all the shit I went through, for years, and I guess that’s why I kept trying to find ways to cope with it.

We often do stupid things when we feel like shit and try to hide.


First of all you need to stop, then you should try to ask yourself what’s making you act like that.
Are you going through something or have you been running from your emotions for too long just like I did?

 

Know that women aren't the same as men. These women that you seem to think are completely fulfilled and living in nirvana is a fantasy of yours, not reality.

 

The women you know are very much capable of harnessing this power. Some of them may actually realize this as well. I think what is more likely is they have no interest in it. They probably just want a nice guy to have a relationship with. At least that is how most girls I've ever met want. Just focus on yourself dude. You'll be alright

 

Speciailists don't listen to you rant. They guide you to the inner sources and help you work them out.

 

Men are often more into conquest than women so it makes sense for a guy to be into a dominant woman.

If you don't mind me asking, what type of porn do you watch?

 

I have been seeing a CSAT for the past 5 months. I find her work extremely helpful in coming to realizations and giving advice. Her homework assignments have been eye opening.

I did see a "talky" therapist beforehand - and she wasn't helpful. Seeing a specialist and asking her to kick my ass was the difference.

 

So off the bat, this is definitely not something a lot of people can relate to directly.

HOWEVER, I have had issues with sissy porn and AGP, so I think our mindsets about se, relationships, and ourselves must be similar.

I used to feel very un-masculine, I was very shy and awkward, and all my friends were having sex and I wasn't. Porn, especially sissy porn, really internalized these feelings. The idea of having my penis locked up, dressing up as a sexy woman, and getting fucked as a woman was incredibly arousing.

For a while, I did RP being a sissy with men and woman online. I even sent some pictures and did some "tasks" for them.

The rationalization of the fantasy of sissy porn is that you are not "manly" enough to be a man, so you should be a woman. Additionally, you should be the sexiest and sluttiest sissy. The really deep hypnos and captions say that by becoming the biggest sissy, you're able to control the men that you wish you could be, and that's your way of "getting back at them".

The point is, I understand the things you've done, and why it may feel empowering satisfying. Firstly, any behavior can be linked with arousal with PMO, no matter how strange or concerning. But even more so, some fetishes and actions can be perceived as "taking back" or "taking control" of your inadequacies or insecurities, when in reality you're really just reinforcing them.

You have to stop doing this. It may not explicitly be "porn", but this is highly arousing situations and behavior that is messing with your mind. Stop, do a reboot, have sex, and leave this behind.

I know it may seem embarrassing or humiliating to have done this and then try and live a normal sexual life, but you just have to leave it all behind. Specifically with this behavior, I would not tell anyone because I don't think people who have not experienced what we have will understand why you did it.

I'm a big fan of honesty and openness in relationships, especially when it comes to porn addiction and it's consequences. I tell almost every partner I've had that my dick probably won't work perfectly, and all my long term partners know about my porn addiction. I've never told anyone about the fetishes I've been involved in, but once I get married, I think I will tell my wife about the extent of my crossdressing, chastity, sissy porn, and other induced fetish activities. But I would not tell tell her about what you have done.

You don't beed to be embarrassed or afraid, but don't tell anyone lmao.

 

As a person who has been catfished multiple times I’ve always wanted to know what drives people to do such a thing. I was mentally scarred for 3-4 years because of it and had severe depression and isolation. Some of it could have been my fault for falling for such things and not learning from the past.

From your point of view I can kinda understand now why people do it.

 

I don't think your behavior is fucked up so much as it would be important and insightful for you to get to the root of the behavior and understand why you do this and what you "gain" by it. As this is broken behavior, then what you "gain" from it is most probably an attempted but far-from-successful means of self-medicating whatever has wounded you from the past. The same wounds are probably what also motivate you to use pornography and to masturbate as a way to placate the same wounds, however unsuccessfully all these addictions of yours solve your inner problems as well. So, you can see the importance here, then, of getting to the root of this behavior you now describe..

I can think of two opposite scenarios for this kind of behavior that real guys have gone through themselves. Maybe yours is somewhere in the middle or something else altogether.

The behavior might stem from a desire of having wanted to be a straight female - or feeling like a straight female in a male body, but because one can't be a straight female and can't draw guys toward oneself like other females can to themselves, one feels a certain pleasure and satisfaction from one's inner female rage and vengeance (i.e., hell has no fury like a woman scorned) to punish other guys for not satisfying one in otherwise wishful but impossible ways.

Or, one might be a beta male who is intensely jealous of alpha males who get all the girls while one gets no one and therefore one feels an inner rage to punish other males by drawing them toward fake females so that one can satisfy an inner vengeance and crush alpha guys or humiliate them in the same way that one has felt crushed or humiliated by either them or the girls who rejected one?

What's your story?

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Wow, and I though I had issues, I mean that's dark and twisted and I kind of like it, but serves no purpose, why do you waste your time doing it?

If I have to do a quick analysis based on what I've read so far....you are a repressed dominant person that doesn't know how to handle rejection and humiliation, and sublimates it via femdom fantasies, and that enjoys taking the rol of the dominant/advantageous/humiliating one and giving rejection as your way to deal with that emotion.

But hey, what do I know, is just my take on it, I might be completely wrong.