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Escort challenge

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by need4realchg, Nov 14, 2019.

Are you struggling with paid-sex?

  1. Yes— and I would join the challenge/group

  2. No, but I would like to join too

  3. Yes— but not interested in a challenge or a group

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. iwanttoheal

    iwanttoheal Fapstronaut

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    Yep, you understand. Glad I am not alone. Well I'm not happy you suffer from this lol. But yes, with some lifestyle changes and new outlooks, we can live a life we are happier to live.
     
  2. BudBundy99

    BudBundy99 Fapstronaut

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    For ME at least closure is important and I find it does help with your mental health to get that definitive end, one last appointment and maybe just talk say how much you appreciated your time together but you have to move on for you I guarantee they'll be no hard feelings as there were sadly none to begin with, she may have liked you as a client but JUST as a client never anything more, its like me as a porn fan I've sent gifts in the past talked to some but the relationship in reality is the same, porn consumer and porn performer never anything more... they may have liked me as a consumer but it never escalated beyond a consumer/performer relationship...

    Its an ego boost absolutely you feel good you can "get with" the hot girl for once! that's a huge boost for any man you feel good like an alpha male... but you're right its a fantasy just the same

    A "healthier" fantasy is reading a book, playing a good video game, or watching a movie, all provide some dopamine but way less than porn or seeing an escort, in my mind seeing an escort must release an insane amount of dopamine, the thrill of living a fantasy out in real life, only leads to addiction and an expensive one at that..
     
    iwanttoheal likes this.
  3. iwanttoheal

    iwanttoheal Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, you're correct, it served it's purpose, but it's not a forever solution.
     
  4. iwanttoheal

    iwanttoheal Fapstronaut

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    Sadly, most of my past experiences were GFE, and when I don't get a GFE, I get disappointed. lol
     
  5. ReasonToChange

    ReasonToChange Fapstronaut

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    hey guys, walking a tight rope here. could do with some support. i am on the brink of messing this streak up. for this thread, pmo seems rather mild. will an "m" actually help us with the transition i wonder or would it do our recovery harm? cold turkey!!!! argh
     
  6. BudBundy99

    BudBundy99 Fapstronaut

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    So its the intimacy that's the problem, as it is for a lot of guys its RARELY about the sex I find its about that deeper intimacy and like talking to someone when you just connect with someone or seem to that connection is like a drug in that sense, so escorts are dangerous as its all fake and we say that to ourselves NOW away from the escort but when we're in that situation in real life we get caught up in it, and say oh wow she likes me, you get really into her LIKE a girlfriend, so when you have to leave her it IS like a breakup in that sense you had a bond in your mind, so i feel for you closure would really help a last session of just talking no sex where you let her go and tell her you're not booking her in the future...
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  7. GFE?
     
  8. BudBundy99

    BudBundy99 Fapstronaut

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    Girlfriend Experience, its where an escort acts like she's really into you listens to you and is more intimate
     
  9. BudBundy99

    BudBundy99 Fapstronaut

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    Girlfriend Experience, its where an escort acts like she's really into you listens to you and is intimate including cuddling and kissing
     
  10. Wow, congratulations, that's so good to hear. I am doing much better as well. Not as succesful as you though but getting there. Escort free for over two months now :) Stay strong and safe.
     
    ReasonToChange and GA93JDeereboy like this.
  11. BudBundy99

    BudBundy99 Fapstronaut

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    I realize now in recovery the sex industry in ALL its forms is just one big crutch...we as men lean on it for intimacy support and feeling good, but it just takes takes takes, its all instant gratification too long term its bad...
     
    Branchman, kammaSati and need4realchg like this.
  12. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,

    Here is my journal for today.

    My counter is at day 8, but I am officially re-starting it for this challenge with the ultimate goal of getting to 100 days of escort free. Failure will result and this counter will be reset if I even browse escort sites without contacting the escorts; strict rules but an extreme addiction requires strict rules!

    Day 1

    Slept in slightly today despite waking up early yesterday. Not a problem though as I went to the gym.

    Had an urge to watch P just the same as yesterday.

    It took a hold of me and I did lay down in my bed and engage in M for about 10-15 minutes before getting a hold of myself and getting to do transcendental meditation (20 mins).

    The urge came back again later that night, but I fought it off, cutting the thoughts off at the root so to speak and focusing my attention back to my breath.

    It was a battle that lasted I think for half an hour, but in the end I did not falter and engage in M even the slightest.

    For this I am proud of myself, and I see it as progress from yesterday (day 6).

    The pain of my escort encounters is fading, though when the thoughts do pop up in my head they are intense though short-lived and invoke a sense of pain in me, with a voice in my head saying things like "how could you?" or "did you not know better?"

    I must look to the future and put the pain behind me.

    Until tomorrow.
     
  13. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    Completely agree with this statement! Real sex with a real woman you got "organically" is the best route and is what evolution designed us for.
    It just so happens that it gets hijacked with porn and escorts.
     
  14. Yes. Short circuiting the brain is actually a powerful trick. A special hypnosis.
    Thanks for the update on gfe.

    Have seen this advertised but it’s obvious to me the diff between a good liar and the service up sell.
     
    kammaSati likes this.
  15. BudBundy99

    BudBundy99 Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely I rewatched the 40 Year Old Virgin recently one of my fav movies, though it can be triggering for some with the main character's porn use but the underlying message is positive so I feel it was worth rewatching just to feel good has some basis in reality its more satisfying to lose your virginity older than to someone who doesn't care about you, I'd RATHER be a virgin than to lose it to an escort personally, though I understand the reasons why guys go that route, being in total control of the experience, they can't say no for "practice" there's all sorts of reasons...I'm personally glad I never made the jump to escorts as tempting as they are its just bad news all around like anything else in the sex industry...I'd rather suck at sex the first time losing it to someone I care about than to be an expert because I practiced with prostitutes...

    I was very liberal sexually before and hey to me if you're with a long-term partner who cares about you nuts in my mind, I'm not a prude in that sense, where missionary is ALL you can do in the bedroom with a partner...you can indulge in whatever to me as long as porn is out of the picture and you JUST focus on your partner...
     
  16. BudBundy99

    BudBundy99 Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely, watch Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience very sobering look at prostitution and people's quest for intimacy the series too, the first season really hits home the message that its not all fun and games to be a prostitute...

    The GFE in my mind is absolutely an upsell, since its more mental strain on the escort, she has to really put on a hell of a show to make it look real, she'll really act that way and show you affection and intimacy just to like get you to come back in YOUR mind its LIKE a relationship and you have to keep on paying to get it to continue...so to ME the GFE is an upsell but psychologically a trick so you can get even deeper into the fantasy and become a repeat client...
     
  17. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    One of the main reasons why I would feel regret after actually following through with seeing an escort was that I had taken advantage so to speak of a human being who was probably struggling financially and needed to resort to this as a way to make extra money. I can recall 2-3 experiences where I walked into the place to see one and then immediately became shameful and regretful and just handed them the money and walked right out....trying maybe underneath it all to maybe feel good about myself in some way shape or form. I would then walk to my car and vow to give it up but it never worked.

    This time around the pain has gotten real intense....the fact that it is with me until 9 days after my last encounter is probably saying to me that this is the last straw.....I am by no means under any illusions and know that I no matter how confident I feel deep down inside I must always work each and everyday to understand this addiction and fight it because in all honesty everyone is just one urge away from going back into the abyss.
     
  18. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    Day 2:

    Didn't get to wake up early as I had planned; will keep trying to build this habit going forward no matter how long it takes me.

    Did immediately go to the gym however upon waking up and taking care of some minor chores.

    Showered after the gym and engaged in transcendental meditation for about 20 minutes.

    Was hit with an urge to watch P in the late afternoon around 4pm, but I became intensely present and in my mind just watched the urge arise, strengthen, and then fade away.

    As it faded, I engaged in my second transcendental meditation session for 20 minutes. This practice for me is slowly but surely becoming the holy grail for success moving forward.

    The rest of the day was urge free.

    Until tomorrow my friends!
     
  19. BudBundy99

    BudBundy99 Fapstronaut

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    Congrats for making positive strides, that's huge society pushes sex so much honestly you feel like you're missing out when you're not having any...you do, so I get that... You're really trying to change which is admirable..
     
  20. Yes. The struggle for Intimacy I suggest is a spiritual one ; more than sexual. We just usually only feel the sexual urges.
     

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