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Escort challenge

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by need4realchg, Nov 14, 2019.

Are you struggling with paid-sex?

  1. Yes— and I would join the challenge/group

  2. No, but I would like to join too

  3. Yes— but not interested in a challenge or a group

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    Hello All,

    I Am really ashamed to admit this, but I recently failed just now.
    I was in front of my computer and working on my programming bootcamp when the urge hit suddenly.
    I searched google images at first on my phone for "cute femboys" and then for "cute transwomen" thinking I will just have a look and there will be nothing more to it.
    I looked at the images for about 15-20 minutes and then started engaging in M to these images for another 20 minutes or so.
    A thought popped into my head that I should check out escort websites while I am at it.
    Cruised through several escort websites while engaging in M at the same time.
    However, I did NOT contact any of them nor did I O.
    I somehow got ahold of myself and realized what I am doing is wrong. Closed all of the windows on my safari and meditated for 20 minutes.
    Reflecting just now on it my problem was that I had too much caffeine earlier today. Having too much caffeine in my system makes me super hyper and vulnerable in the face of urges, I have noticed in the past. This is why I forgot to mention that one of my main action steps to fight this addiction was going to be to get rid of all coffee at my house. I usually drink a cup but had about 2 more cups worth left so decided why not and just get it over with and finish it so I made three cups of coffee and drank em all in one go; horrible mistake.
    When an urge took a hold of me just now (maybe 2 hours ago) I would've been able to manage it, but being too amped up on caffeine really made it that much more difficult.
    How did I not see this coming?!?!
    Really angry at myself right now!
    Trying to be optimistic, I guess I was able to catch myself in the middle so to speak and was able to close my phone and bring myself back from this as I did NOT contact any escorts nor did I O; just closed my phone and meditated. In this act I will try to find some optimism instead of being in total helplessness and despair.
    My current streak for NO PMO in general (9 days according to my counter before this failure) has given me good mental clarity and a boost of confidence that is allowing me to see the positive in all this.

    Tomorrow's post will be a new day 1 all over again.

    MUST MOVE ON! WILL MOVE ON STRONGLY FROM THIS!
     
    Branchman likes this.
  2. BudBundy99

    BudBundy99 Fapstronaut

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    It all boils down to loneliness and intimacy its RARELY about the sex, its about talking to women, feeling heard by them and connecting over common interests...why camming is so dangerous as well, the sex industry as a whole is so dangerous it bothers me NOW just how normalized porn is today when its truly a gateway to other things
     
  3. iwanttoheal

    iwanttoheal Fapstronaut

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    Strip clubs are closing again due to rising cases of COVID-19.

    My favorite dancer texted me to come visit her before the club shuts down which is tomorrow.

    She's a 10/10 for me, I like her voice, she smells and tastes really good down there. I get a headrush every time I eat her out. She's just perfectly my type.

    I'm really tempted to go. I don't know what to do :(

    Any insight or words of motivation is appreciated.
     
  4. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    @iwanttoheal

    If you're interested in her how about approaching it from a perspective of getting to know her instead of just sexual. Ask her out on a date first would be my guess bro.
     
    iwanttoheal likes this.
  5. iwanttoheal

    iwanttoheal Fapstronaut

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    I'm moving to another state in about a week.

    My whole intention of doing hard mode / brahmacharya is so that I can build myself and my life up to my standards before I start dating and commit to a real relationship. So that I don't have to keep visiting sex workers to hide from my insecurities. Welp I guess I just found the answer to my question/conflict. lol

    The loneliness and craving intimacy issues is one I still have to learn to solve.....
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  6. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    You have a very noble goal of building yourself up before you date, bro. After this journey is complete for you, you will definitely have the confidence to go find a partner in life.
    Also, I did not know that you were paying these strippers for intercourse. I was scratching my head tbh thinking that you were over here getting them organically and they were genuinely interested in sleeping with you LOL. If this was the case, I didn't see any problems in it, but I guess it is not.

    If you are paying, deny the request, save yourself some money, and create a plan for your goals in life and what you want to achieve...maybe try writing in a notebook the qualities that you want / are seeking in your ideal partner for the future?
     
    iwanttoheal likes this.
  7. iwanttoheal

    iwanttoheal Fapstronaut

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    Naw man, this is the escort challenge post! Of course I was paying hahaha.

    That is actually a great idea. I a lot of men and women sell themselves short when finding a relationship, and I believe that is also due to loneliness and craving intimacy.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  8. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    Yes. So don't be so controlled by your loneliness / intimacy then just as you are trying not to be by your escort addiction.
    You must first be willing to be confident and content ALONE.
    After this you will be ready for a relationship.
    Otherwise, that craving for intimacy might just evolve into being needy once you are in the actual relationship.
    Just my thoughts, bro.
    Hope you make the right decision on this and turn this down.
    We are all rooting for you here!
     
    iwanttoheal and need4realchg like this.
  9. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    Also, remember - fear is a good motivator sometimes when all else fails.

    So, given that COVID cases are on the rise again, do you really want to get COVID and/or potentially pass it on to somebody you care about, perhaps a friend or somebody else.

    Just something to think about!

    I need to go to sleep, lol.

    Goodnight all.
     
  10. Love the energy that’s bursting here guys ; wish you success. Also just to make a comment for mr.jaz: the anger you describe feeling with yourself can be part of the pendulum swing. It’s really crazy how our drive to reform and anger at failing to meet our expectations can drive us to exploit our sex drive in some unforeseen way (pmo for example) so take time to feel and release your anger.

    i now know bro angry at myself is an indication that I am hurt and trying to protect myself (from my failure).

    I find that running from my anger through “ harsher promises of prevention” Is a more complex way of escaping my pain.

    accept that you have pain connected to failing.

    Ask yourself why.

    Answer that.

    i agree 100% with the (love yourself while you are alone principal) you said too. Bravo.

    Question: can you love YOURSELF without forgiving yourself for failing ?

    we must realize that to love ourselves requires us to not beat ourselves up on failing. All the beating Up does is establish the pain/shame cycle which eventually we want to run Away from through more (sexual) escapism.

    i tell you this since the problem can MORPH. If you successfully control your sexual appetite either through discipline or thanks to covid quarantine then it resurfaces a s a new problem. (Eating , exercising , Lack Of sleep, bitterness , cynicism ,) and you can again hide from the pain through other hurtful critical behaviors.

    love yourself even if you feel badly.
    Forgive yourself.

    This is how a Creator restores. Vía Love, for love—
    Can change the worst criminal in us.

    Fear, strength, willpower, discipline , aren’t strong enough at its core dna to effect change.
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2020
    Branchman and iwanttoheal like this.
  11. iwanttoheal

    iwanttoheal Fapstronaut

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    I really appreciate this dawg
     
  12. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    Hi All,
    Another update on my progress. From my last update post above, I gave in to my urge yesterday morning (from having too much caffeine) and ended up browsing a couple escort websites, but immediately took control and got up to meditate. Later that night (last night, about 2AM) I got the urge again and did the same for about 20 minutes or so, but I eventually took control again and put my phone down. I realized that I might as well MO in order to release the "pressure" built up so I did just that. It was to thoughts of my previous sexual encounters with my gf.
    I am feeling good this morning and tomorrow morning will be a day 1 post for me all over again.
    See you all then.
     
    GA93JDeereboy and iwanttoheal like this.
  13. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    This makes perfect sense. I realized I was definitely being harsh on myself after each "failure". I will work on stopping this be more gentler on myself. I have already put this into practice from last night's failure tbh.
    Thank you for your wisdom, bro.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  14. Yes. Good for you on becoming more self aware and less knee-jerk reactionary. You wrote here exactly what I describe —you Created your own pressure cooker by heaping the “I have to fix myself immediately” onto your head.

    Obviously you DO need to fix yourself right away — but the way you punish yourself with this flagellation of failure will lead you back into the same problems.

    The same is true for women with betrayal responses btw. Claiming something is a trigger and hunkering down to protect yourself sets your own defensive cycle of thinking in motion.

    Embrace your challenge to feel your emotion, release it as your forgive yourself and deny your trigger the power to control your emotional state and actions.

    easier said than done so many times but it does point to forgiveness as key to overcoming our inner brokenness.
     
    iwanttoheal likes this.
  15. One motivation that changed me is that doing escorting is a misuse of the woman's body and treating her like a substance not a human being who has dignity and honor and i refuse that my wife or daughter be treated like that
     
    Semaphore and need4realchg like this.
  16. BudBundy99

    BudBundy99 Fapstronaut

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    I never once asked or SAID that to say "hey this is someone's daughter" or "would I be ok with a woman in MY family doing this?" the answer is no which creates a double standard you don't want YOUR wife or daughter in porn or in sex "work" but its ok for someone else's daughter to be?
     
    Wok and GA93JDeereboy like this.
  17. Mr Jaz

    Mr Jaz Fapstronaut

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    Everyone on here I think should look into Andrew Huberman. He is a neuroscientist that I think gives some good tips on how to enjoy the process of the work you are doing.

    This talk here --> ...

    ... is very good and can be essentially applied to no PMO / escorts as well.
    Essentially you have to internally reward every bit of progress you make on a task you are doing whether that is studying, training for a marathon, and staying away from PMO.
     
  18. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Hey what’s up everyone! Hope your well, since I been staying on this thread I wanted to ask a question. So how do you guys deal with it when someone joking comments about hookers or something to you. Or asks you jokingly if you had sex with a prostitute? Like someone you don’t know that well or a colleague? I’m just curious cause every now and then I get guys asking me stuff you know like how some guys talk sometimes.
    Appreciate advice again.

    usually with me I’m kinda embarrassed by the question and just say I hadn’t cause heck it’s pretty private matter! I mean some guys are totally open to talking about their escort experiences but not me.
    Thanks again
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  19. I think it depends to be honest. If you are worried about what others think or if you NEED to be worried I guess be smart about who you share your info with. But in the states most ppl don’t know about it since it’s illegal for the most part. But for ppl who have travelled outside or live outside it’s not that tabu to talk about it.

    my personal opinon anyway — but ya can experiment and discover !

    I don’t talk about it with ppl at my work bc they don’t have any exposure to this.
     
    GA93JDeereboy likes this.

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