Has Anyone Had Success After Years of PMO Every Day?

Let him reach day 60 or 70. Results will start showing up. 8 years of PMO is huge. It will take time. But you will get results.
ED and PE will disappear after day 100. Mediation and exercise would help him to recover faster.
Here’s the root cause about porn addiction
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/root-cause-to-get-rid-of-porn-addiction.295369/

Good luck to your husband.

 

There is hope in the fact that he wants to quit, and there is hope in the fact that he is trying to do so.
What you're experiencing is called betrayal trauma. As a fellow SO of a porn addict, I speak from experience when I say, find a therapist for yourself as well to help you work through your thought processes and help you heal from all this. This addiction takes an enormous toll on us. We need to make healing ourselves a priority. His addiction is not your fault. You didn't deserve to go through that. You are worthy of love and support. I emphasize this because we can take on too much when we try to help our husbands, and it can create another hit to our self worth as a result.
There is a thread on here where men share their success stories if you would like to read those. They can be helpful and they can give us hope. Just be mindful of the fact that everyone has their own path to success and what worked for one person may not work for another. Best of luck to you and your husband.

 

I was addicted to P since I was ~12 - 17 years old and M since 12 - 20 years old. It's a really big struggle. But it's possible as you can see.
See a thread i wrote recently, maybe some things can help out. Practical NoFap Tips

 

I am currently on day 6. So far I have experienced major improvements in school before I commenced this challenge my comprehension in lessons was awful, I would zone out in lesson and my overall school performance was dreadful. However now it is the complete opposite, I know I have only done 6 days but so far this is great, I feel like my brain is enhancing and becoming very constructive.

 

I would also like to add that I've noticed people smiling when walking past me lately. Confidence is over the roof, I walk with my chest out which is completely different from my fapping days. This is really good, although sometimes I do get some days where I'm on my low fortunately enough I have not used those times to fap.

 

Relapses with porn happen more often than say heroin because it's free, easy to find, and all you need is a phone. It's not because porn addicts care less or want to quit less. My wife's therapist told her that in her first appointment, that I'm more likely to slip up eventually. Right now I'm close to 5 months - but that's really nothing in the long run. '

The fact is that it's doable - there are success stories out there. There is a podcast, addict, expert and betrayed is one. It has a christian ting to it, but not too much.

 

It is good that he is putting the effort to get better.

Don't be that negative. Support him in his recovery, be her number one cheerleader in this process. He is putting her best to be better for you, cheer him up.

Totally understandable and is healty for you to set your boundries about it.

Well... this is a 50/50 chance. It can happen that he is succesfull in his mission and quit porn forever and you can live happy forever after but it can also happens that he is not and you need to be ready to leave him and look for another person that have his shit together.

 

One thought, if you can, desire recovery for your husband not just sobriety. Not lusting after other women and not masturbating or watching porn is great and maybe enough for you. But I really think the problems are much deeper than porn. Porn for me is often related to feeling a lack of love from the people around me, it's related to futility of life. It's related to taking on too many projects and not having time to have fun or enjoy my life. There's a podcaster who often says 50% of porn recovery is installing the filters, getting a sponsor, finding a coach, getting counseling from a CSAT, getting into an SA/12 step program, journaling, etc, and the other 50% is owning at life. Your life can't feel futile and depressing. You have to get a job you love. You have to be wise with your finances. You have to do healthy things that bring you joy. You have to have good friends. You have to setup healthy boundaries with your friends/family. You have to have hope for life. I would say sobriety is that first 50%. The other 50% is where recovery starts to happen.

I really think you should think of this same thing applying to yourself. You've been traumatized by someone who you thought was a different person. For you, maybe you should get counseling, find a mentor who you love and respect, etc. But also, start really enjoying your life. You would love for your husband to recover but that's really out of your control. That's really between him and God if that's going to happen. So I would say the same for both of you. Take care of yourself! Get some healthy self care.

 

I can answer the original question and another that maybe went with it between the lines. "
Has Anyone Had Success After Years of PMO Every Day?"
I have not had to use any form of pornography, sex with my self or partners other than my spouse since 3/12/13 and I know several people men and women who also have not had to use for years. The word success is tough, I am still an addict and still practice a way of life that seems to keep my addiction from being "active" (it's like I have a cancer of the mind that is in remission so it's not the same as cured, I just hope not to die of this cancer). Basically it is possible I just wonder if there were other questions between the lines, if it were me it would be "will be relapse," and "what should I do if he does.". I mean I'm guessing since we don't know each other that my story is only of mild interest and what is more on your mind is his chances in particular. I would be worried about that too. If that's a concern for you I don't think anyone else could tell you, of they tried it would be would guesses not very helpful or responsible to throw around ideas without a basis for them . All I can say is it's possible to be free for years and I know some people besides myself who have.
I'm very sorry that this has affected you, maybe it has just been virtual infidelity but some people have actual infidelity and the person they made promises to is much more hurt of course. I'm glad that for me I found a solution before that because with the virtual infidelity I already felt bad every time and one thing I felt bad about was that I didn't actually want to go against my spouse including before we were married (we dated for six years first). It didn't feel good, I wanted to be a man of my word and stay committed to one person.
One important thing is there is a difference between an addict and what we might call "a bad actor". The latter can do different and knows it and knows it is not nice to do xyz but sure so any ways, dictionaries use words like "need" and "dependent" for an addict as in it's not about just choosing to stop. So the two would have very different paths forward, it wouldn't work well to treat one the way you would the other.

 

I have recently started a 40 day plus streak and don't intend to stop. Anxiety, ironically has been the factor for me. I fear dying alone and with nothing because of pmo.

He has to avoid complacency.

 

None. I think a lot of us rely on our subconcious to tell us "oh it's okay, I can do it for just ONE more day and restart". No, it isn't okay. You need to stop now. And from my experiences, you will feel the impact like cold water thrown all over you or like a smack to the face.

 

Hey ihatepornsomuch, I hear you, I'm sorry your in a tough spot. Is/was your hubby or you ever addicted to other things. IMHO I'm this way it not how many times you fall, its how many times you get back up!!! That's been my motto drugs alcohol stopped in 1994, cigarettes harder in 2000, food sugar over eating still in a struggle still but gaining ground was 335 pounds 44 waist 3xl shirts wouldn't tuck in 2009 now in 2020 im 230 size 38 jeans and 2xl shirts fit loose.

But sex porn people addiction is my last frontier. I turned 52 and my 29th wedding anniversary was in October I was looking at way too much porn. I was beating off 4-6 times a day every day even if I gave porn a break still could did cum 4-6 times a day. And my wife had a medical issues that zapped her energy and no sex sex farthest thing from her mind. since 2018, she gave me a hall pass to have sex with other women or men and all. I had no problem hooking up with either preferred women but loved mf couples the most. The root of all these things stretch clear back from ages 5-11 when I was sexually abused by adult family member men, by drunken men, teenaged boys, and 2 women still remember this all.

The men wrecked me of having normal sex later by trying to screw the gay away and the women confused me but not as bad as men. Fast forward to age 48 in 2016 and my wife was in this with me she wanted to see a mmf bi video. I relented and all the stuff came flooding back. I had a need to watch this stuff so after viewing it once with her I was hooked, and she liked seeing it too. as I had said I had felt I was missing something felt less of a man when the shame of what happened to me would come flooding back in my mind triggering things made me think of it.

But with a woman, my wife included who liked watching mm together her getting turned on made me feel it was somehow ok and these encounters took the shame away for a week or some was so powerful first time I ever felt it lift. Im saying this because I saw the nexus to this all.

I should also say I started watching porn at 9 stag films they were called, so from then until now 43 years never more than 6 to 10 day break from either porn masturbation orgasm, or masturbation and orgasm. in 43 years until now.

I stumbled across this site late September 2020 got my feet wet and all reading other's success stories. I thought I would try this got a few days but thought one day that I should give this a chance to stick.

And then I sat my wife down we had a long talk and said I wanted to see if we could real this in I told her on 10/12/2020 on our anniversary of 29 years I am getting tired of this all. And that I was going to get all influences out of my/our life for 30 days I cut things off with a married fwb women and a mf couple, deleted many hookup sites like AFF, Tindr, Grindr, facebook dating, and stopped logging in to pornhub, hotmovies, aebn, literotica VOD, doublelist excreta.

SO ON 10/12/2020 no porn, no beating off no hookups. I was masturbating between 4-6 times a day as I said went cold turkey for the first 3 days my brain/head hurt, was breaking out into sweats, brain fog confusion, feeling depressed, from major dopamine gate withdrawal.

I also told my wife I thought it would help if we laid in bed nude touching bodies making body contact and talk communicate make the beginning of a reconnection for 1/2 hour every day. no matter what. And that started that day 10/12/2020.

I made it 8 days we had an argument got angry frustrated looked at porn and masturbated 2 x but I stopped myself when I realized this, then got another 13 days happened again same porn 2x masturbating anger lead to this again. So for me looking back first 21 days 3 weeks looked porn 2x and masturbated to orgasm 4x. Felt defeated but a miracle really tapered down from 21x 4 = 484 times at a minimum the previous 3 weeks before cold turkey to only 4. Then now I have reached 35 days as of today 12/6/2020.

Now my initial goal plan was only to cut porn and masturbation to orgasm out, and to only relieve my pent up sex drive on my wife. So with that being said. I let that be in the passive mode me initiating sex still until reach 90 days free of PMO. But after no sex from Feb 2018 until now with wife. So something the talking naked touching but no sex for half hour times did something maybe she saw I was trying and doing well cutting out porn since she knew I wasn't looking at it trying to make this work. I woke her up to wacking to porn all hours of the night and when I woke up, but she wasn't seeing any of this and I gave her access to my phone whenever she wanted or my laptop too she could of looked at that she would of seen my texts with FWB if I had fallen. maybe this got some respect back from her IDK. But what happened below was amazing for me.

Randomly about 3 weeks ago, my wife woke up very ready, she woke me up by riding and grinding on me , "this is a very nice way for any man to be woken up" I was quite surprised and a happy man that moment. It took some willpower after dopamine release when I came I wanted more of course. This is a starting point not as intimate as I want yet. My mind was flooded with sex scenes not 100% focused on my loving wife as we had sex this time but her body feeling excited me way better than PMO.

I feel I know I have reached the tipping point when I can look into her eyes as we are having sex and think only of her and pleasing her and how great her body is making me feel. And if you would of asked me 56 days ago if I would of only had 4 orgasms to porn in this period I would say no way was this possible. I am constantly getting hard easy, and when we had sex it felt so much better all this masturbation desensitized my penis. Surprised it even works now after all these years of abuse.

ihatepornsomuch hope this helps there are thousands longer than me, but as I read your post I have been long term porn addict thats why I initially answered.

 

ihatepornsomuch , thank you being open and honest best way for me. One thing I'm seeing is my sex and porn addiction isn't completly about sex it all about the pain still that the sex act and PMO numbed for me. And in old days in the screw the gay away to make myself feel more like a man, was still to deal with the pain hurt feelings and insecurties that I had. But truthfully no one saw this in me on outside . And I mentioned in another post when first family member adult male raped me after that it was like I had a mark or homing beacon on me broadcasting for other abusers to hurt me. But when I got older is was like I had a homing beacon for women I didn't look for it that hard and they were attracted to my manly qualities I guess.

Sorry for tangent above. But in the near term after about day 15 of our new closeness and shutting off porn all women seemed prettier and my wife too. I woke up this morning an hour ago she was sleeping next to me I just looked at her like I used to long ago thinking how I am a lucky man indeed. To have a special wife how well we get along now how we still argue almost every day but that one special moment where I say something that makes her laugh so hard she nearly wets her pants. I wish everyone would have that.

I had told her my goal would not be to have any others in my life as sexual partners if we could try to get back what we lost in 2018. Thats my best plan I still desire my wife more now that my mind is clearing up.

How about you from what I have read its not been easy for you. But in the past with you 2 there must of been something some good quality you saw in your man that really attracted you right? If so has he hurt you too much through his porn sex behavior that you cant get over or over time could you heal. What I mean is when I was drug & alcohol addict my wife lost respect for me somewhat. After stopped in 1994 took me 5-7 years before she trusted me again and she respected me again. But know another couple we were friends with she lost respect for her man he never got it back That's why I'm a lucky man in that aspect too.

I'm sending good thoughts prayers your way that you both can heal.

 

It's similar to what we were talking about before, it looks to me like it varies but since I can only know myself I'll answer from there.
For me subriety is great, I love it much more than the acting out. That hasn't been true every moment but it's easy to say that in any given week month or year I am happier sober than sex drunk, all things equal. For instance, covid is terrible sober and it would be worse than death for me with sexual acting out. So it is a very happy thing for me even given that temptation is still there. I would think it weird if temptation weren't there, I've had a few days with none but I bet part of it is I really part attention to my mind and what is going through it which I never did when I was acting out. That's part of it, all this depends on the quality of ones recovery, for instance just not using pm+ on say will power for example really sucks for a real addict. For some one who just want trying hard enough will power should work great, for some of us it is both painful and ineffective. Same with the temptations, fighting then sounds like no fun to me, I found a solution that did what a lot of people seem to think is impossible: neither giving in to them, neither in act nor by actively thinking more about them, and also not fighting them. As I write that it sounds like a tangent but it's related to another question you had, does it get easier. People who've tried different methods have told me it gets easier with the way I've been taught and harder with things like self will. That makes sense to me, things I am not allowed to have I tend to want more and in that more I can go for a while but eventually the desire exceeds my self will, I have a finite amount of that. But without fighting, that's indefinite and actually gets easier with time rather than harder.
As far as satisfaction that is related and my experience is it's like a choice. I choose to be satisfied and I never felt like I was choosing to be dissatisfied but maybe it was kind of like that. What I mean is it seems dissatisfaction is humans' natural state and choosing not to practice contentment means I'm closing to go with the status quo of always wanting "different, better more". So it's not just about the input of porn in whatever amount or length of time, humans are not just Pavlovian dogs. We sometimes act like them especially us pornography addicts . But we are at least a little more than just dogs.