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30+ done. But HOCD is still a killer. Could you help by sharing you success against it?

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by micpol, Nov 26, 2020.

  1. micpol

    micpol Fapstronaut

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    So here I am. My way is kinda funny because I finished using porn for pleasure PMO over 7 years ago. I was 23, never with a slightest doubt about my sexuality and there it came... HOCD. With escalation to straight porn so awful and brutal that I cried after watching it I suddenly found out that I don't find normal girls attractive and sexy anymore. Me, having crushes and longlasting relationships, full of lust and romantic love... Crazy things happend. But they did.

    So for last 7 years I've been watching porn rather to proove myself that I'm straight than because of normal sexual urges. I was really suprised to find out that I could be actually turned on by gay or transgendered person stuff, actually even more that straight in these times. But now after 7 years of "sometimes watching to check what I like" and "sometimes PMO" (before I was an addict masturbating to porn every day for about 8 years) I decided to quit forever. No checking. No just looking for a second. Nothing. Maby this will take me back to the place I was till age 23 - just 100% hetero man, always with a crush, crazy about girls and looking for one to love and spend life with.

    I did my 30+ with zero P, but I cannot say really if HOCD is getting any better. I still feel this crazy gronial response when I am around other guys. This literally makes me unable to life normally... When being with my gf I mostly can get a boner but I dont feel this arousal, just simple arousal I can remember from kissing or touching girls in the past.

    Here I come asking YOU guys for help and advice. Also for some good word - but true word, only this can matter. What is you experience with HOCD? Did you beat it and you get you old, good self after quiting porn? How long did it take you? Are you happy now and does it really work? I am so afraid that I am just lying to myself. That somehow I just "turned" gay (nothing wrong with being gay ofcourse - it just isn't me) and there is no way back.

    I will really appreciate any help and support. At the end - that's wy we are all there together. To support each other :)
     
  2. micpol

    micpol Fapstronaut

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    And sorry my bad English in some moments, I am not native ;)
     
  3. LetsGetStarted

    LetsGetStarted Fapstronaut

    I believe that there is no way, you can ‘turn’ gay man. Your sexuality is what you are born with. A gay doesn’t ‘turn’ hetero right? (At least I don’t know any) So why should you. One thing I know for sure: if you know that you were always turned on by girls, chasing them, having crushes on them since like a kid, then you are hetero and not gay bro. Everybody knows from themselves in early age what you like and what you don’t like. So don’t worry, you are hetero.

    I’ve had some HOCD symptoms about a year ago. But not as heavy as you. I haven’t watched gay or trans porn ever in my life. But there was a time when I doubted my sexuality too brother. I even wrote about it on this forum. I was going through a flatline (which can go on for weeks even months btw and you are on day 30? Brother you have to go way longer and quit porn for good actually).
    I didn’t get aroused by normal girls but only by porn. And that’s when I started to check out guys, asking myself questions in my head like: ‘How would it be to have sex with that dude, would that arouse me?’ Even though I had no response in my dick I asked myself this question to almost every guy I walked past or something for like 2 months. And that’s when I came across (for me) the golden tip on a website: Those are just thoughts and thoughts can be hella disturbing, but they don’t define you, they don’t define your sexuality. Just don’t think about it, don’t worry, you are not gay, you have known since you were a kid that you liked girls? You are hetero. But porn has fucked your brain up and it is messing with your head.

    My advice: quit porn for good and just don’t worry. Those thoughts will go away eventually. I’m serious. It took me 2 months or so, but I never think about anymore. There’s hope.
    And sure, you get a little gronial response, who cares? It could be a little tickling feeling. Your body works in weird ways. But I’m pretty sure the way you told your story you are not gay. You just watched too much porn and your body is tricking you into weird thoughts and weird feelings. But as I said: just let them be. They will go away I can guarantee you that, but you have to quit porn for life.

    I wish you the best of luck brother!
     
    Warrior1995 likes this.
  4. HardWorkOnly

    HardWorkOnly Fapstronaut

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    Man i am dealing with it too,the way to overcome it is meditation,try to not skip a single session.Meditate 2 times a day(morning and night),i done it for most than a month every day and i was very good,once in a while i asked one of the same questions but i was able to change my focus immediatly and then i forgon about that question
     
  5. konpap_

    konpap_ Fapstronaut

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    Dude this must be a horrible situation. What i know for sure is that subconsious is the most powerful thing. I think that you are in a 50-50 situation and you could turn ''completely gay'' any moment. You have to make yourself believe that you are 100% straight. Dont let this situation make you mind believe that you are gay. Its all about what we believe, what we think we are. If you think you are good at somenthing, you will succeed. If you think you are bad, you will fail. Every time you wake up you have to say to yourself '' i'm staright'' may times. It will be ''written'' to your subconcious and this will help you to consisously believe that you are staight, that you like girls. This advice may seems silly, but its not. Also, if you believe in God, you have to pray every day and night for this issue. Be strong and never get dissapointed.
     
    Warrior1995 likes this.

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