Holy shit does it ever end?

I just had a look at your posts and what your going through & it is a great sentiment of us all in verying degrees...
For me PMO has been a thorn in my flesh since my teens & im 57 now, like you the thought of "is this ever going to end"... My friend I don't have a simple answer to help or guide you, all I can say is that I'm in the same boat as you... This is day 2 for me today and I feel enough is enough so I determined to set my goal to day 30 even though I have to go through a white knuckle/climb the walls experience as I know that will pass in time,
Porn is such a insidious thing it's like a merry go round that's so easy to get on but bloody hard to get off it comes a time you just have to jump...
All the best for you my friend and I'll be praying for you... Chin up & don't loose heart... Rob.

 

Hey, have you tried talking to your wife about this? You said you think she doesn't know/care. Maybe she does know you watch porn but does she know the pain and suffering you are going through?

It sounds like you have a compulsive disorder and you should seek professional help for that.

You need to keep fighting this and never give up fighting. This is something you have to beat no matter how long it takes. @SoaringEagle has a good idea of getting away camping with no devices. Maybe don't quit your job but go away for a week or two. You need to make drastic changes either with your mindset or environment but you can do it. Good luck on your journey friend.

 

Caffeine definitely doesn’t help in the fight against pmo. Same with sugar it’s a dopamine hit and it makes your urges stronger

 

I'm pretty sure the only reason I haven't seen porn in 57 days is because my wife found out. Now she took it very well, did not seem hurt by it, but felt it was not good to continue (not the Christian way..). I've tried to quit many times before, but now, some how realizing I don't want to lie to her forever, I feel a lot more pressure to see through this recovery period (even if I end up needing to get sneaky later on).

Now I'm still missing my porn, and I would perfer she never found out, and I have NO idea if telling the wife is a good idea or not, but I do believe that has been the only force which has ever kept me away more than a few days.

Good luck

 

I think the option to quit only P should be mentioned. You could still MO, see how that goes.
In my case P is just too overstimulating so I need it again or I feel bad...
I have quit PMO before but thought P can't be that bad so I started PMO again, and again. Maybe this time I'm really done with it.

 

Beautiful answer and spot on. It is a grave underestimation how many people would rather stay in the comfort of addiction than venture in the seemingly endless pain and discomfort of trying to break free. And when you break free, you will finally see that it was the path of light and salvation all along

 

Crazy.. To think how long you've been doing this.. I feel like once u hit past a certain age doing somethin as routine as your saying. The best you can hope for imo is to reduce the amount of times you pmo.. Now in a perfect scenario you would reduce and work tour way to quit cold turkey but i feel like you can live a productive life with PMO, although it wont be as fulfilling as a person who is off PMO cause like i said with your age and how long you've been doing this, it might just be something u gotta live with.. I personally would want you to quit cold turkey and live a happier more fulfilling life.. But im a realist at heart. Good luck good sir!

 

5- 6 times a day .......
i have not done more than 2 times a day and that too only two times in my entire life . After 1 time i feel too disgusted and guilty

 

I can attest to this. I have had my addiction for over 30 years. I didn't realize there was a problem with it. Now I'm 59 and wasted most of my life away. All that watching porn and fapping was time I could have been doing something productive but I didn't, so time wasted. I don't dwell on this but it does come up occasionally. I can't go back but I can look forward and make better decisions that will produce better results within the next ten years.

 

I haven't read through this whole thread but so far I haven't seen anyone ask you how much you have educated yourself.

Educating yourself should, in my opinion, be your top priority. Personally, I find that the more I arm myself with knowledge and understanding the more I'm able to withstand urges. To that end I would HIGHLY recommend reading Your Brain on Porn. I prefer the audiobook version. Beyond that I would encourage you to read through this thread which has some really great advice. And at the end of that thread there is a link to a Recovery Tracker spreadsheet that someone made which I would also recommend you use.

That is to say, instead of focusing on how many days in a row you can go without PMO, record how many days you use it from one month to the next. Use that spreadsheet. Right now you can't handle going multiple days in a row so you need to start with something you CAN handle. Think you can go a single day without it? I bet you can. Think you can go two days without it next month? You might balk at this approach as being "too slow" but progress is progress and right now it sounds like you're not making much.

Start journaling. Actual pen and paper is best. When you use PMO, write down why you think you did it. Sounds like you are already somewhat self-aware as you've identified you tend to use it when you feel certain emotions. Write down what might be cues or triggers for you to use (in my case, keeping my phone next to my bed is a cue that will often lead to PMO use in the morning, so I keep my phone away from my bed when I go to sleep at night). Delete saved porn bookmarks, saved porn videos, etc. You really have to approach this from a tactical point of view - identify how and why you tend to use PMO and implement strategies to address those things.

Finally I would highly recommend joining a support group. I just joined Noah Church's Rebooter Support Group (coincidentally, the guy who narrated YBOP) which is $40/month and involves 3x/week zoom calls (you can only attend just one if you want) with no more than 12 or so other members, during which time you talk about your struggles, successes, and etc. It is a good way to find accountability partners, as well. I think that being an active part of a community like this with some "face to face" interaction will be very vital for my recovery process. I understand that not everyone can afford $40/month but I thought I'd mention it regardless; I'm sure there are other options (you could round up a handful of guys from this forum and orchestrate something similar yourself if you really wanted to).

So in summary, you need to over-educate yourself first and foremost. Understand what is going on at a biological level. Having this understanding will only help you to resist urges and temptations. Start journaling and try to identify cues/triggers and address them. Join a support group. And in my humble opinion; fuck the streak/counter - use that spreadsheet and start keeping track of days you use PMO and days you don't and take more of a macro view at this whole thing instead of getting so caught up in the day-to-day struggle.

Oh and don't forget the cliche "replace porn with healthy habits". It's true though. You need to shift your mindset such that you're not "fighting your porn addiction" everyday but rather doing something that demands your focus and attention which is healthy and makes you feel good. Over time I think the focus shifts more from "fighting your addiction" to simply living your life, and the addiction starts to fall out of focus (which I think is how it should be). That said, I'm only 37 days into my own journey so take this with a grain of salt.

 

It stops when you make the necessary changes in your life and take ownership of your problems.

You may not like this but I'm going to say it anyway. You're fucking 40! Grow the fuck up and stop wasting your seed before you end up alone for the rest of your life paying money to stupid sluts on OnlyFans.

Once per day is nowhere near good enough and until you can understand that, you're not going to make any progress with this. It needs to be nipped in the bud now, indefinitely and permanently.

This is nobody else's problem, only yours. Therapists, pills etc aren't going to fix this. It's up to you.

 

At the same time let's not forget this is a fucking addiction. Were it so easy. Still, the motivation to quit has to come from within.

 

I didn't realize you were married. How is your relationship with your wife? Is it damaged because of your addiction? Could it be better if you weren't addicted to porn?

Have you read about Terry Crew's and his battles with porn addiction? How he had to come clean to his wife before he could finally do something about it? Terry fucking Crew's, jacked to the high heavens, all the money he needs, had the same addiction as YOU. His wife nearly left him but they were able to work it out.

As I said before you need to help yourself. Don't expect your wife's support either, she may hate you for a while but it's absolutely necessary that you tell her. She's part of your life and you can't hide this forever.

 

I think you should tell her. I’ve been married for only a short time but my wife knew about my problems before we were married. Her support really has boosted me forward

 

You can do this alone if you want to, just start gradually. In my case I had to quit other things I was addicted to such as video games, memes, video compilations and after that I was well enough to be able to quit porn videos, then images, browsing dating apps, etc until I have quit all porn and masturbating. You can do your own method. Pick 1 tiny thing that is bad and quit it, maybe social media, sexy music videos, erotic magazines, whatever.