What I Have Learnt So Far

1. I have learnt that success is possible, but it requires extremely hard work. The determination of the first few days is not enough. Work needs to be continuous. Success requires, preparation, planning, effort and execution. It requires developing new habits and new routines.
2. Planning is important, but we also need to be able to fight. The urges inevitably come. When they do, we need a shield and a sword. The shield is the effort to stay away from triggers; it means not objectifying women, not playing fantasies in our heads; staying away from tempting images. But we also need a sword to fight with the inner voice of the addict. The technique I use is to dialogue with the inner voice that is trying to tempt me to realize that this voice is a deceptive brain message. The sword is to kill the enemy, distract him by doing something else.
3. Being Centered is Key. The fight cannot be sustained if we are tired, depressed or emotionally unstable. Addiction is a coping mechanism. Anything that weakens us physically or emotionally increases the chances of relapsing. I have tried to sleep well, eat well, and avoid holding grudges against anyone.
4. It is important to Remember the Abyss and the Light. Keeping a picture of the "disaster" of how we felt after a relapse is crucial. I carry in my phone several recordings of how I felt immediately after my last relapses. Listening to these when I am tempted helps me fast-forward and reminds me of how I will feel if relapse. The Light is the image of the person I want to become. It helps me remember that if I accept the fight, if I overcome the urges, I will become a better person and will be a step closer to my recovery goal.
5. Success requires humility and sharing. Thinking that we can do this alone is a recipe for failure; expecting that we will become so strong that we can ride out any urge is not the way to go. The addict always wins the battle if you play in his territory. Success requires approaching others, sharing experiences, and being humble because we are still very far from a long-lasting recovery. After practicing this Martial art for a few weeks, I still consider myself a white belt. But at least I have a belt now. Before, I was ridiculously dropping my pants at the wrong time and in the wrong place. PMO is not the answer and I am very grateful for all I have learnt from the many interactions I have had with many fellow Fapstronauts. This is just to say thank you! My life has changed enormously in just one month.

 

I have added another 14 days since I first wrote this post. Another thing I have learnt is that building character requires being able to handle discomfort with a cool head. The mindless search for pleasure enslaves our brain. It makes us weak. Learning to handle discomfort, and even pain, without complaining can prepare us to deal with urges.

 

I will share another tip that may be useful to some of you. I carry in my phone several recordings of how I felt immediately after "acting out". I recorded them after relapses I had in the past. I also carry a note in my wallet with the following message: "Fast forward to the moment after, how will you feel? Will you be closer to your goals if you act out? Better to accept discomfort now than having to suffer great shame afterwards. At times when I was facing very strong urgers I convinced mysef to wait for "10 minutes' before acting out and started reading aloud, the message that my "true self" had written for me. I believe that if you play these messages consistently when facing an urge... you will much stronger and capable to handle the situation successfully.