My Journey... Day 237

Hello everyone. I joined this website late 2018 as I really wanted to quit this addiction. However, shortly after joining NoFap I quickly forgot about it as I was deep into this addiction. I don’t want to go into too much detail but, let’s just say I was obsessed with P&M.

In January 2019, I quit alcohol as I thought that was the major issue behind my underlying mental health issues and my depressive teenage years, it played its part but I still felt shit inside and out.

In January 2020 I sought to quit P & M, I still O as I have a gf. It was going pretty well tbh, but, I seemed to have replaced P with looking at Instagram models, and after around 9 weeks of no P&M, I relapsed. Great.

This was around early March just before lockdown. I continued relapsing for 2 solid months, not attempting to get back on the horse and try to go again.

Then one Monday in late May, I would say I had a breakdown of some sort. The isolation of being stuck in my house all day every day due to COVID and watching stupid amounts of P really really got me.

From that day forward, I pledged to myself that this is it. I don’t want to be plagued by this horrendous addiction no more, I was 11 years old when i was first exposed to it, I’m now 22 going on 23 next week and I’ve had enough. No more.

So I’m delighted to write on here that I’m on Day 193 of no P&M. I feel great, most importantly for myself is that inside I feel at peace with myself, no internal war zone on a daily, I feel content and happy. I’m so happy I made the decision that day and I’m never going to look back.

I’m also 22 months sober from alcohol if anyone is interested, staying sober is definitely crucial to staying sober from PMO.

I’ll try to post on here regular to give all you strong people the courage and support you seek out to keep going, don’t give up, life is so much better on the other side!!

Any questions, fire away. I’m more than happy to share my thoughts. ☺️

 

Thanks mate. Tbh, I still suffer with odd bouts of flatline now, it all depends on how long you’ve been addicted to PMO. I was addicted for 11 years so it could be a while before I fully overcome flatline. Keep abstaining and your brain will keep rewiring, flatline is a good thing because at least you know you’re mending! I also wouldn’t recommend trying to see if your ‘downstairs’ still works because I tried that once and ending up relapsing, be patient and the results will transpire

 

Respect

 

I was really motivated in the beginning as youd imagine because I was fed up of turning to P&M to mask up my emotions/feelings. I still struggle now with the same thing, today especially I feel pretty down and emotional and I know that this leads to seeking out dopamine to make myself feel better but it won’t make me feel better, it’ll do the exact opposite. Staying away from social media is a big help

 

Day 194:

Felt quite vulnerable today, found myself looking for that dopamine hit on Instagram and I did give in to it on a couple of occasions which I’m disappointed in. However, one piece of advice I can offer to fellow fighters and what saved me when I was on the brink of relapsing is get out for a walk and get some FRESH AIR. It really does help to clear my head and see the bigger picture of this journey. I’ve removed Instagram for a few days so I don’t have the temptation of looking at endless artificial pictures. Really happy with how I’ve managed this situation, day 194 is over and done with & I will post again soon. Stay strong.

 

I’ve had sex throughout his duration

 

Day 198:

How we doing people. Re-downloaded Instagram yday after a few days off it but it was a bad idea as I went searching for pics again. Deleted it again as I just can’t take the risk, I’m going through a lot of stress atm and I really don’t want to relapse because it would really affect me. On a positive note, my sexual encounters are getting better and better. Really struggled with PE early into this current streak, still suffer now it still isn’t cured but I’ve noticed that I’m lasting longer now which gives me a big boost and shows that I’m on the mend. Little pointers I need to work on is stop endlessly scrolling through FB, I know exactly what I’m doing, I’m waiting for that one image to ping up of an advert of women modelling clothes or something similar, when the urges strike to do this I need to be firm with myself and say NO and that be the end of it, that’s the only way I will get better.

 

Yeah the hardest part is controlling them thoughts, especially when when they’re so intense. Important to stay busy so I don’t have time to sit and think too much. Glad you like the updates

 

Give it a try and find out. If you’re just watching random things when you could be doing other useful things then yeah take some time off it because them random things slowly start to turn into more arousing content because you start getting curious so I’d recommend deleting it for a couple weeks but it’s your choice

 

Yeah I know man, it’s really hard cos I get them sudden urges to go do it and it’s really 50/50 as to whether I give in or not. Just gotta keep myself busy so I don’t have the time to think about doing that

 

Being on this journey has deffo improved my discipline, when you’ve done something for about 11 years (PMO) and then you cut it out it takes a lot of self discipline to say no, it was and still is tough on occasions but you’ve gotta keep the bigger picture at the front of your thoughts every time you feel like doing something you shouldn’t. I found it very beneficial to write down my why and the reasons why I want to quit P&M, and then listed benefits of quitting too. It’s even better when you start noticing all the benefits occurring in your life.