28 gay male – new to nofap

Hello,

I'm finally resolving to do this. My focus is on no masturbation and no porn.

I first discovered masturbation when I was 7 years old and slowly began masturbating more regularly. I can't remember when I began watching porn but I have realised porn was a place I escaped to, to get away from the insecurities I held about my repressed sexuality and a general feeling that I wasn't good enough, popular enough, cool enough etc. I looked at bodies in porn as the ideal that I wanted to be.

I'm now an adult, apparently, and am actually very happy with who I am. I have done a lot of work on loving my self. One lingering problem however, is my masturbation as distraction/procrastination. I have things I want to achieve and have spent over a decade turning to porn whenever I reach the slightest bump in my creative rhythm or general work flow. And especially if I have a deadline approaching. Rather than face a problem or rather, the fear about being 'good enough' that a problem raises, I had a habit of turning to porn for an hour or so. Being gay, I also spent hours and hours on grindr exchanging nudes, making new connections (like a prolonged edging session) and arranging hook-ups. I want my nofap journey to also be a resolution to end my use of grindr and dating apps until I feel in a good space to reengage in that way.

This introductory post is long and I guess I'm writing this more to clear my head and make my goals tangible but thank you if you have read this far.
I want to have a degree of accountability and am really determined to reclaim my life and time for the things that interest me beyond the immediate satisfaction of orgasm.

I am so ready to meet and connect with another human and think porn and hookups having just been overstimulating my senses for too long. We'll see what happens. Yesterday, I fully deleted the apps and resolved to 90 days. My phone also fell off my desk and the screen has broken, making it go a little haywire and I think further reducing my ability for distraction!

 

Thank you for the encouragement and support! I intend to use the forum and see how things go.