Day 60 of my Journey to 90 days

Day 23

My urges are almost non existent which in theory should make me feel good but I'm actually slightly concerned. I have had one or two erotic dreams in the last week and I wake up with semi erections in the morning. Strangely enough when I have these dreams they usually feature random women that I have encountered in my life being lustful to me, however this last dream I had was with my ex and it was us being affectionate and loving to one another that turned me on in the dream and not the lust.

I still get a groinal response when I am triggered by something that reminds me of my past porn perversions. A trigger for me can be a thought or a word or someone's body language. It's this groinal response that I want to get rid of and I hope that doing this will rid me of it.

 

Day 30

A third of the way in, at this point it feels like I'm cruising through this. My urges are in check. My morning wood has improved although there still are days where I wake up with none. I don't miss porn at all. In the last week my perverted thoughts are a lot milder although I did have one dream recently where I caught myself in the dream worrying about the perversions and so these thoughts were projected.

My self discipline has improved significantly over the last ten days whereas before I felt the strong need to check in here regularly to power through when I was just starting, now however I only check in every few days to remind myself of my goal. I do believe that this community is fantastic in that it reaffirms that you're not alone and that there are many other people who were going through the same thing as me and that's great, however it can be a double edged sword as spending too much time here and reading a lot of the literature and the posts did leave me to my thoughts in a bad way at times. Sometimes you just have to do your bit and embrace the chaos. I think that once you've mustered the courage and motivation to take action you should spend no more than 5 mins here a day when you're first starting and slowly reduce that time. I will post here once a week.

 

Day 37

Experiencing erotic dreams more frequently. We're thrown into another lockdown here in London so that's stressing me out and so I'm itching for some relief in other words I'm quite horny. I haven't been with a woman since the beginning of the year so I think that's made things even worse for me. I hear a lot about how strangers take notice when you're doing NoFap I don't know if I've noticed that much but I do feel that women I know in real life are taking more interest.

 

Day 50

It's been a while since I posted anything here at all. I was COVID ridden and so that affected me from writing anything coherent. I haven't broken my streak yet, in fact during my illness my sexual thoughts and energy had taken a step back. It feels good entering a new year while committing to something.

 

Day 60

I'm supposed to be feeling accomplished now that I've hit my second milestone but truth be told I'm not. This is because yesterday I briefly masturbated (without any visual aid) and I'm wondering if I should treat this as a relapse. I'm really torn here.