Partner of an escort addict

Couple things

1. It's an open forum, not a private space, no need to apologize
2. You are not to blame for his actions, his choices are his, don't let you or him put them on you
3. It sounds like he needs more help than just with pornography
4. There is absolutely a high when it comes to porn. I never messaged escorts, but I did roleplay, and there is a high when you get a message. For me it fought against my personal shame and feelings of inadequency. Feelings I was afraid to share with my wife for many many reasons. I didn't understand this before I began therapy, etc - at the time I could only say it feels nice to feel wanted, which is a way was denial of my emotions and blaming my wife - two horrible things I did.

 

Get an std test. Have him take a polygraph. Addicts lie. They lie to themselves and they lie to their so. They lie convincingly.

 

Get STD testing for both of you. Also, never take an addict’s word. They lie and are very good at it. You are intelligent enough to know when your gut goes off—listen to it.

 

My husband also messages escorts and people who are after casual encounters. In January it will be 5 years since first dday and unfortunately nothing has changed. I also believe like you that he has not crossed the physical barrier. I don't think he has had the guts to do it, yet. But addiction is progressive and that is a very scary thought for me. Feel free to message me if you need some female understanding and support.

 

Yes you are. You're not responsible for any of his choices, don't be fooled into thinking you are. Addicts cause enough trauma as it is, and as others have said, they can be very deceptive. Even if he tries to blame you for what's going on, for not being available, whatever, it was his choice to do what he's done.

^^^^

 

My ex was with escorts. I had no idea. (I just knew he acted strangely.) We were married over 30 years. Once I realized the depth of his deception, I was done. I can't believe he did that to me.