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For those of you who're married...

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Peter.Parker10, Dec 12, 2020.

  1. Dec 12, 2020 #1
    Peter.Parker10

    Peter.Parker10 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    PMO has been ruining my marriage. It created a lot of sex problems, my wife didn't trust me, she felt like I was having sex with other women every time she knew about any relapse, lots of distrust, and emotional disconnection. To be honest, this has been a really painful experience for her.

    So far it's been 40 days since I started my reboot on hard mode, and I'm so happy to tell you that last Monday my wife said that she was proud of me. I've been really honest with her on this journey and she said that seeing me making such a big effort to control myself and do the hard mode made her gain trust in me. We haven't even had a fight during this time, and before the reboot, it was weekly discussions for stupid and small things. I feel very intimate with her, and we haven't had sexual contact at all.

    I don't want to say that I already won because there's still a bunch of days left, but I really feel like I'm gaining so much with this reboot time.

    I just wanted to make this thread to tell you guys, that there's hope, that you can do it. It's not just about this physical stuff like healing ED, getting morning woods, more energy, or those "superpowers" that sometimes people exaggerate in the forum. All those benefits are good, but they're just a byproduct of rebooting. We are spiritual creatures that need connection with other human beings.

    Cutting porn out of your life will have a very positive impact on your spouse and your relationship, the connection is way more important than any physical benefit, and I'm sure that if you keep working on your reboot, standing up after relapse (no matter how many times you need to), improving your habits, improving yourselves, and being honest with your couples is the way to do it. It will bring you one of the most rewarding things you can get out of all this crazy recovery: Connection.

    Don't give up!
     
    Peter.Parker10, Dec 12, 2020
    Peter.Parker10, Dec 12, 2020
    #1
    Eternal_14, Nagdib, Mauritius and 16 others like this.
  2. Dec 12, 2020 #2
    hope4healing

    hope4healing NoFap Moderator
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    Thank you for sharing that. I think some PA's tend to see recovery as a sacrifice...as having to give up something for their marriage. Hopefully this will help them see things differently.
     
    hope4healing, Dec 12, 2020
    hope4healing, Dec 12, 2020
    #2
    BrokenHeart 2, kropo82 and puius8435 like this.
  3. Dec 12, 2020 #3
    JamesTheSquirrel

    JamesTheSquirrel Fapstronaut

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    Congrats on making it through 40 days of hard mode. It sounds like you've gone through a lot of emotional development in that time and are on a good road towards recovery.

    As a fellow married man, I can confirm that my journey has massively improved the relationship with my wife. In my 450 day reboot so far, I've gone from my wife seriously considering leaving me to us expecting our first child together. The emotional intimacy is far more satisfying than PM ever was.
     
    JamesTheSquirrel, Dec 12, 2020
    JamesTheSquirrel, Dec 12, 2020
    #3
    exsoldier, BrokenHeart 2, kropo82 and 8 others like this.
  4. Dec 21, 2020 #4
    bama_lost

    bama_lost Fapstronaut

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    This post is super encouraging for me. I have similar problems caused in my marriage, and I want these things with and for my wife. It's like, to make it probably way too simple... it's really about controlling carnal desire and seeking love and closeness, instead.
     
    bama_lost, Dec 21, 2020
    bama_lost, Dec 21, 2020
    #4
    exsoldier, kropo82, Peter.Parker10 and 1 other person like this.
  5. Dec 22, 2020 #5
    Peter.Parker10

    Peter.Parker10 Fapstronaut

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    I feel like it's a lot about dignity. Dignity for you and your wife. You need to believe that you are good and that you have to act according to that dignity. A better marriage, and become a better wife so that she can have the man she deserves.
     
    Peter.Parker10, Dec 22, 2020
    Peter.Parker10, Dec 22, 2020
    #5
    Eternal_14, BrokenHeart 2, kropo82 and 2 others like this.
  6. Dec 22, 2020 #6
    Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

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    You get it. Thanks for sharing with us. Intimacy in marriage is wonderful, but it’s very hard to lose it and try to recover it. Good work!
     
    Healed!, Dec 22, 2020
    Healed!, Dec 22, 2020
    #6
    exsoldier, kropo82 and hope4healing like this.
  7. Dec 25, 2020 #7
    Alcuin

    Alcuin Fapstronaut

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    Thanks you for this post too. This is the first time I’m writing in this forum. Things have been going well between my wife and me. We have been affectionate with each other. I’ve also been more honest with her about sex lately. We are definitely on the mend. I gave my wife oral the other night, and afterwards, she felt guilty that I did not have an orgasm. I was aroused, and had nighttime wood, but I did not sleep well. Neither did she, but I assured her that I had no resentment, or self pity because I did not cum. I need to prove to her that she is more desirable than porn, and I would like to pleasure her again. I’m grateful for your input Peter.Parker.
     
    Alcuin, Dec 25, 2020
    Alcuin, Dec 25, 2020
    #7
    DonnyO, Peter.Parker10, again and 1 other person like this.
  8. Dec 25, 2020 #8
    Peter.Parker10

    Peter.Parker10 Fapstronaut

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    So happy to hear you found it helpful and encouraging. Porn is poison for marriage, and I really hope you can fix things between you & your wife.

    Recently, recently something like what happened to you, happened to me and my wife, and man, you've got to be careful because you might become very horny after pleasuring your wife, it might make your reboot a more difficult than it already is, so just don't go so far with her.
     
    Peter.Parker10, Dec 25, 2020
    Peter.Parker10, Dec 25, 2020
    #8
  9. Dec 25, 2020 #9
    BrokenHeart 2

    BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

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    BrokenHeart 2, Dec 25, 2020
    BrokenHeart 2, Dec 25, 2020
    #9
  10. Dec 25, 2020 #10
    BrokenHeart 2

    BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing this! I am a partner and I really wish you lot's of success in your process! I think that that connection you are talking about is really important to being happy. I wish everyone understood that part. As a partner sometimes i just feel like they cannot possibly feel that connection with me if they still want to do those things. There's something missing. Sometimes showing you love someone is not doing things that you know will hurt them. I wouldn't want to hurt my partner. I wish they felt the same.
     
    BrokenHeart 2, Dec 25, 2020
    BrokenHeart 2, Dec 25, 2020
    #10
    Eternal_14, Peter.Parker10, hope4healing and 1 other person like this.

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