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Lying through life

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by MountainInMyWay, Dec 12, 2020.

  1. MountainInMyWay

    MountainInMyWay Fapstronaut

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    My husband will tell the truth one day and lie about anything the next. It’s been a lifelong thing for him. He lies to anyone (and me) out of convenience, fear, ease, not being patient enough to explain the truth... I didn’t realize how often he did this until recent disclosures. He admitted this was a bad habit.

    He tells me he feels he can get through this new life and not PMO, especially with all he’s doing and being on guard. He wants it completely out of his life and our marriage.

    But he can’t tell me that he will won’t lie to me again. Mostly non Pmo related, as well as potential pmo / fantasizing related. (I would always have to ask instead of him revealing it, most likely.)

    What the heck do I do with that?

    Can you be with someone who might be victorious in stopping PMO but will lie to you in other aspects of your life?

    Is it an addiction related thing? His addiction has been on or white knuckled for most of his life. Is it possible these are connected?

    So,
    Stop the addiction = Stop the lying?

    Or am I just screwed, married to a life long liar...
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2020
    hope4healing likes this.
  2. MountainInMyWay

    MountainInMyWay Fapstronaut

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  3. DefendMyHeart

    DefendMyHeart Fapstronaut

    Theory of mind, trauma, and anxiety lying make so much sense. When someone is an addict, this is why it is so important to find the root cause of the addiction. Not only for healing purposes, but to also find what other coping mechanisms they've used or other barriers are in place that they've developed to protect "self". The age of exposure could be an indication of theory of mind since children are usually able to develop this around age 5. Trauma in childhood could also create these protective barriers to the point it inhibits executive functioning (one of my hypothesis i plan to test for next year coincidentally). Thank you for sharing @hope4healing
     
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  4. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    I've told my wife I can't promise I'll never lie again. I'd lied since I was a small child for lots of fun internalized reasons. I don't want to make a promise to my wife I can't keep. I can, and have, promised that if I catch myself lying I'll correct myself as quickly as I can and own up to it.
     
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  5. MountainInMyWay

    MountainInMyWay Fapstronaut

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    This is what I need from him. Thank you for putting it into words.
     
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  6. MountainInMyWay

    MountainInMyWay Fapstronaut

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    Yes. This is him all over. Could never be vulnerable with his mom then, afraid to be vulnerable now, therefore: lie.

    I’d love to see if you ever do something on this!
     
  7. DefendMyHeart

    DefendMyHeart Fapstronaut

    If it gets through IRB approval and I can find enough participants, I will definitely do it and send it to you. It will take a few years to complete though. I am trying to explore several avenues at once
     
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