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Asking her to be my girlfriend (trigger warning), journal

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by NF SINCE BIRTH, Oct 19, 2020.

  1. Really cool thread. I think that @NF SINCE BIRTH has a pretty good mindset overall. It also sounds like you are very young. Keep going and keep us updated. You're doing great.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  2. Thanks :) Today is day 45 of Nofap and the most bizarre thing happened the other day. I was on a date with a friend I have known for 10 years. She is single for the first time since I can remember. She told me about a friend she uses for sex but he got feelings for her so she asked me about advice. She was going to sleep with him on saturday and break it off on sunday.

    I told her not to do that but dont have sex with him at all and just break up on Saturday. I told her that it was going to hurt him but that he hopefully takes it as a man. What happened next was that she drove me home and offered to have sex with me instead. I turned down her offer but told her that we should meet again soon.

    I have no romantic intentions with her at all but would be nice to keep her around. I am surprised that I didnt take the offer but I was actually more considered about my Nofap streak.

    And after I stopped chasing Icy she have been reaching out. I thought she never would but that means she is thinking about me. I probably cant have her as a full time girl friend but to be honest she is the only person right now I actually have emotions for.

    I guess I need to take a chance with her soon. I am going to visit her next weekend and hopefully she is free. I got a bunch of other options if she isn't but I really want to meet her in person and show her rather than tell her that I like her.
     
    Inspired2chg and JustaSimpleMan1 like this.
  3. Im impressed that you turned down the sex in order to keep up your nofap streak. Good shit. Also, most guys would not have done that because most guys are in scarcity when it comes to women. To me, it seems like you have abundance which makes it easier. Keep that in mind.
     
    Inspired2chg and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  4. Thanks :) Just get this pandemic over with already. I went for a long walk with my ex today and we had a really deep and serious talk about love and life. I gave her actual advice about her new boyfriend and told her what she did wrong with me. And that she never should take advice from Mia ever again. Worst advice I have ever heard.

    She touched me a lot and that made me think that maybe she isnt completely over me yet. I am over her though, like 8 years ago.

    Anyways she is a really good friend and that is how it should be.

    Icy sent me a picture of her bird yesterday. I am not sure what that means. I really feel like I should call her. She sends me a picture of her pets every other day it seems but mostly silent. Since she only gives me lame responses when I text her, I believe calling her every once in a while might be a better idea. If anything, I can use that to get some real clues about where we stand.
     
    Inspired2chg and Sc8r51o1n like this.
  5. To be honest, I think I should only text her to set up dates. I want a date next weekend so I think I should call her somewhere between Monday and Wednesday and ask her out on Friday. Text her to ask when I can call her. It went pretty smooth last time so I should stick with what works.
     
  6. Someguy810

    Someguy810 New Fapstronaut

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    Sound like the spark was there and you didn't act on it. Sorry to be harsh but that's a long time to be chasing a girl, things get awkward if you leave it too long. Maybe you can recover but my gut feeling says no.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  7. My gut feeling says maybe. I skipped a few days and asked her out today instead of just waiting. So she wants to meet on Friday. And yea, the spark kinda died. I need to do something drastically different this time around. I think I can do this. We had something a long time ago. I believe it can happen again if I just act like I usually would around girls.

    And if it dont work out, well I can handle it. I am not crushing super hard on her right now. I have a mild crush and I am not expecting anything. I think it is best that I pretend we are just friends and flirt with her in a way that is somewhat friendly. If she thinks thats ok, I am probably kissing her. I have waited too long to really take the leap. I blame my PMO addiction but now my mind is clear.

    If I blow it, I can at least be happy with myself that I tried
     
    Sc8r51o1n likes this.
  8. Someguy810

    Someguy810 New Fapstronaut

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    It's worth a shot. My advice is to bring her flowers, that might get her in the mood again. Be bold with your intentions but not cocky or pushy.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  9. I will be bold but I dont think flowers is a good idea in my situation ;) I need to start at scratch and build sexual attraction because when I think about it that is where I messed up. I though we were flirting and we were but I was too forward with her emotionally.

    If this is going to work then I need to just be myself around her and with 45 days of Nofap behind me I think I am also going to have the sex drive that is necessary to get her on the same page.

    I think she always liked me until I kinda messed up by acting out of character. Now we have had a break and a reset so if she is willing to give me a second chance then she will show it on Friday. I think she willingly meeting me on Friday is her way of telling me that she likes me and wants to give me another try.

    With that said, it is all up to me to drive the interaction forward. She seems insecure in a lot of ways. Maybe she is insecure about her looks. I will try to lower her shields a little, give her some compliments. Test how she reacts to my touches. I wont be going forward as slowly as last time. It seems to me that she lost patience with me on some level.

    But it wasn't me really. It was covid. She lost her crush on me in the 4 months that went by and I didn't realize. So I spoiled it by inviting her on a proper date and confessing a little too much what I was feeling and it was too early, even after meeting her 6 times. It was just me moving forward too slowly. I thought she needed time to get comfortable but I guess I actually went too slow in a way.
     
  10. I should probably write this in my journal and not here. To start off, I feel like a different man after 45 days no PMO. I am going to write a success story some day but it doesn't feel like a success story right now.

    I have started reaching out to my male friends now. In the beginning it was just the girls but I need some people in my life that have actual success with women to hang out with. I am also about to reach out to more people and try to have a reunion. It is a nice excuse to text some people I haven't talked to in years.

    I am reaching out to my army buddies, high school, friends from politics and so on. Added up it is maybe 100 friends or more.

    This wasnt the point of my post though. I am reaching out to so many people but I feel more lonely than ever. It is painful. Icy would never take such a large part in my life if it wasn't because I have spent maybe 1000 hours with her in total and she rejected me once.

    Normally I would probably not care so much because I would go to class and find other beautiful girls to keep my mood up.

    It isnt the ultimate rejection and I have a date with her on Friday. It is just the uncertainty that kills me. I have improved on messaging her less and less. Now it is down to once or twice a week and sometimes she messages me out of the blue.

    Friday really is when all my questions will be answered. Can she accept that we can continue to be friends after this? I realize that I never wanted a fully committed relationship with her. I cant. But she is my best friend and she is attractive. I want more than what she is currently giving me.

    I will ask her about it. What she thinks about an open relationship. I will flirt with her and see what kind of responses I get. But I am worried that I wont the answers I get. She will probably come around and see me in a different light after this date. To be honest, no girl I have ever known have rejected me for all eternity.

    If it happens now then it will be a first. I cant believe how many girls slipped in the past due to PMO. Probably 1000. Because I was too blind to see it. If Icy slip now, it was my old PMO self who messed it up. The person I am today is a different version. This Icy thing have gone on for way too long. I have been willing to torture myself for weeks now because lock down messes up my dating life on all other fronts.

    But eventually I need answers. Only she can give them to me. And I am thankful that she still wants to meet me. She is too friendly to say no.

    Nothing happens tomorrow. It is going to be a though day unless I do something productive. I got plans tuesday and wednesday and on thursday I am leaving to visit my sister. If Icy is available then I am going to surprise call her or whatever and tell her I am in town. I got nothing to loose.

    I would rather have closure than nothing. It is torture. I do care if I loose her as a friend too of course, but I will survive. I already have a crush on my list from years back that I am going to meet soon. My life is coming together more and more but this Icy situation is really bugging me.

    I dont want to go from best friends to nothing. Thats horrible. She was ok with me hitting on her until I went into needy town. It is true that the more time you spend with a person, the more you like them. 1000 hours with Icy is no joke. I really know her by now. We lived together for 4 months in the same hospital. I saw her 8 hours a day at least. We kissed once when no one could see us.

    Meeting her outside the hospital have been different. Maybe she knows me too well. Maybe I put up as many red flags with her as she does with me. I mean, why do I even have feelings for this girl? She has little ambitions in life, she is mentally ill, she lives 1 hour away, she ghosts me.

    Even with all of that, the chemistry is there. We can talk for hours about anything. We share all the same interests. She is very intelligent.

    So I guess this is life. If she cant meet at least once a week and be good friends then it isn't a fair deal for me. If she dont want to get intimate then thats ok. I can get that from another person. I connect with people trough spending time with them anyways. Quality time. I dont think I even need the sex part with Icy.
     
  11. Think I am at a breaking point with Icy right now. After asking her if I could call her, she went silent once again. I called her out on it. We have a date set on Friday and maybe that is going to happen. But I dont actually care if that date happens if she is just doing it to be polite. So I asked her directly if she wants to meet or if she just is being polite and that it is quite rude not to answer.

    She is probably thinking right now and I dont expect an answer right away. She uses a day to answer usually. Maybe I get some closure. I will message her on Thursday but if she dont answer then I am making plans for the weekend which doesn't include Icy. And that would be the end of it. I am giving up the chase. Thats the final nail in the coffin for our relationship.
     
  12. I probably did all the wrong things today and turned her even more off but I dont care. I just reminded her that I am a person and deserve some respect. I dont care about the outcome. She may be on her way out of my life but I will know tomorrow. No answer in 24 hours is the answer I need to write her off.

    If she wants to meet, then great. Maybe I can try one last time. But from the way she have treated me so far I really need to see her turn around how she interacts with me over text or set up dates more frequently. This wont work otherwise.
     
  13. Day 50

    I am 50 days clean and Icy is as usual. She sort of confessed that she have feelings for me and that she still want to meet but that she is a slowpoke. She doesn't check her phone every day. It just doesn't seem like there is room for any man in her life right now. She didn't say it but I can sense it. She has schizophrenia and she is more ill than I first thought.

    She is showing her best side and making a real effort when she is with me but right now she seems to have a breakdown because of it.

    So I decided to do no contact for a while. I do not think she is lying about liking me but this just isn't working right now. I wont write about her in here. I wont think about her. I wont contact her at all. I will focus on me until January before checking in on her again.

    I am logically over her as gf material. I know that it wont work. But emotionally I need to heal.

    Our friendship is carved in stone however. One of the last things she said to me before I stopped messaging her was that we wont ever be strangers and if too much time passes before we meet again she wants to have a phone call.

    I think where we stand now is perfect. She is a really good friend but I cant date a girl with this many issues.
     
  14. We broke it off today. We decided to stay friends but that a relationship is a bad idea. She sort of turned me down several weeks ago so it hurts more for me since I got dumped. But I got proper closure today. It hurts. I dont know why I fell for this girl. I only saw the good in her and ignored the dark side of things. My plan now is to message her very little to begin with. We are pretty incompatible as a couple. But she is the best friend I can ask for. The question now is what sort of friendship we are going for. She is ok with flirting from previous experience. I have to make it clear to her that she is quite attractive and that I will treat her as such. Maybe she sets up some boundaries but thats ok. We need to spend a long time to develop this friendship. But I have to see if it is worth it. This friendship can be quite similar to a romantic one minus the whole committment part. It will be an emotional kind of friendship but I dont know yet where Icy will draw the line. Also a potential dealbreaker for the friendship is if she never asks to hang out. If I always have to do it, I might cut it off. Even a friendship is a little give and take.
     
  15. K.C_Cage

    K.C_Cage Fapstronaut

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    wow, this thread was WILD from start to finish. I'm glad you saw after a while that you and her weren't really as compatible as you thought. romantic feelings for someone can sometimes make you blind to reality, sadly. Hope things go well
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  16. Happy to see that so many are following. I am currently hospitalized. My PTSD got the better of me and I went into a deep depression. After 3 days in the hospital I feel a lot better. My crush for Icy dissappeared completely just like that. I contacted a few other friends instead. Going to meet Marley on friday when my hospitalization ends. I cant get rid of Icy though. It is almost as if she can sense my emotional state. She messaged me after 4 days of silence and said that she has a lot of stuff going on. She had been depressed and crying for days. I told her that was a waste of energy and that we need to have a talk about her depression. I then said that I am going to meet Marley at a cafe close to her on friday. At first she asked to join. I told her that would be weird and she almost seemed jealous. She asked me where we were going and I mentioned Icys favorite place as a joke. She took it seriously and wanted to meet. We agreed on meeting at the same place and that I will introduce her to Marley at the end of our meeting. I told her a time to meet me and that I will order two coffees right before Marley leaves. She agreed to that and told me to remind me of the date friday morning so she wont forget. She even cancelled her plans on friday to meet me. I really care about her. I have so many mixed emotions right now. Its a setup from my side. Me and Marley will sit on the oposite side of the table so Icy will have to sit down next to me. Marley will leave soon after. My plan is to bring up her depression. This friendship is a rollercoaster. I have a book for her: The Power of Now. Maybe she will appreciate it. As I said, I care about her deeply. She has respected my request to answer more to my messages. She messages me a lot more now. I limited the whole thing to 1 hour. I havent told her yet that I will be in town on saturday as well. I will bring it up at the end of the meeting.
     
    sevenwekay likes this.
  17. 10 days clean tomorrow. I relapsed after 55 days thanks to trying out Tinder. I met Icy today for the first time in a month. She was seriously depressed. I asked her what made her feel so bad. She cracked and just said "everything". So I decided to listen to her for once. She is a pretty empathic person but she has a tendency to try to solve others problems and rarely talks about herself. I am much the same but her personality type is rare. I think we are both INFJs. She havent been this voulnerable around me before. I was feeling happy today. About meeting her and I had a good talk with my psychologist which helped my own depression earlier this week as well as a week in the hospital which helped. I decided to show her that life isnt as dark as it may seem. I gave her a big hug and she loosened up a bit. I kept digging into her mind and tried to find some wise words to help her out. After walking for 2 hours in the rain I think my positive attitude started to affect her. She seemed much happier and wanted to go for a walk again tomorrow. My crush on her is pretty much gone. Maybe it returns some day. But I still deeply care about her as a friend. And I am acting different around her. I dont have her on a pedestal anymore and I dont feel afraid of negging her. We share the same sense of humor so it is easy to crack her up. I was worried that she would not be into flirting with me anymore. That wasnt the case. She is okay with it. I think our friendship is perfect as it is.
     
  18. I dont have a crush on Icy right now but yesterday was a breaktrough. Maybe this thread is dying out now. I can see myself together with Icy a couple months down the line. We are just friends but I am seeing her now as a whole person. She kinda told me that im too good for her. She told me that she loves spending time with me and that I made her forget about her problems for a while. And she told me that when her apartment is ready, she wants me to bake with her. We were supposed to meet today but looks like we both catched Covid. I am stuck in my sisters apartment next door to Icy. Icy seems pretty ill with a fever and she is throwing up. I just got a soar throat. But she is waiting on her test results and is in isolation. So I cant meet her. I am leaving tomorrow while I have the chance. I cant risk being stuck here all Christmas. If her test results are positive then it means quarantine for the rest of the year for me too. Oh and my best friend broke his neck last week. 2020 fuck you.
     
  19. omegasigma

    omegasigma Fapstronaut

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    Just ask her out for a definite date , dont ask her to be your girl friend she will likely reject you , simply because that the departement of women , keep dating her and setting dates until she hints or brings up exclusivity , until then just have fun hang out and hook up .
    Trust me this will save you alot of grief .
    Good luck .
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  20. Tru
    You are right and after a lot of back and forth I would say that we are good friends with a lot of chemistry. She is very attractive but she doesnt seem to think so herself. I dont want to committ to something serious with her. I want to stay friends and she seems to be on the same page. I dont think anything can ruin our friendship now. We will continue meeting a couple times a month. Maybe more often after Covid and all. I dont think I want a girlfriend right now. I will keep going on dates with other girls. Icy is now one of my best friends. She is one of several. I asked her on a date once and that backfired. She is a lot more easy going when im more subtle. I mean if we sit next to each others at a restaurant and flirt thats a date. She just dont like that I call it a date :p
     

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