A day in the life of a porn addict

The sun rises over a clear blue sky, marking the beginning of a beautiful Saturday morning. Six hours later, I wake up in my room with terrible breath and a bit of a headache. The images of last night are still fresh in my memory. My group of friends met this nice group of girls at the club, and one of my friends hit it off with one of the girls. Me, I did not even try, as usual. Always too shy. Too scared to face rejection and too insecure to picture any other outcome. The memory of the night leaves me horny and feeling bad about myself: a perfect combination for watching porn.

It’s 4:25 pm when my parents leave the house.

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I crawl to my desk from the couch and turn the computer on. I leave the door of my room ajar so that I can hear my parents when they come back. I open the browser on incognito mode. My own party is about to start.

My routine starts with a first round of well-known porn websites. I type the name of the first one into the address bar, hit enter, and before the page loads I open a new tab and type in a second one. In this first round, I open a total of seven sites, specifically sites from large porn producers (the type to create their own scenes for their paying members). I focus on the large ones because they are the ones most likely to have new videos available since the last time I did this five days ago. I’m shown seven warning pop-ups asking me if I’m 18 or older. I am, so I click on that big green ENTER button. Not that any of it matters, I’ve been clicking on that button for years now and I’m only 19.

I navigate to the New Videos section in each of these sites and proceed to open the previews for all the videos that look interesting in new tabs. Once I’m done, there are twenty-two tabs open in my browser. As I watch the previews, I close the ones that I don’t like and leave the rest, ending up with eight open tabs. I google the name of these eight videos with the following results: four of them I find uploaded to tube sites, one I find a direct download link for, and three are left to be downloaded via torrent. I start all the downloads and turn my attention to the videos on the tube sites.

The first one does not look very good, so I skip through it quickly searching for the different sex positions, checking to see if there is any moment that is worth something. I find none, but one of the related videos suggested by the tube site looks promising so I open it in a new tab. I move to one of the other videos that I found originally, and while the video is overall a bit lame there is a part of it that I really enjoy. As I re-watch those few seconds a couple of times, I conclude that the moment is worth keeping so I leave the tab for that video open. On top of that, I spot three related videos that look great and open them in new tabs. The third video I initially opened is no good, but the tube site does not look familiar so I decide to navigate to the homepage to see what kind of videos are trending in it, opening four of them in the process. The fourth video I originally found is good: it stays open and reveals two more exciting related videos. After this round, I’m left with ten new videos for a total of twelve open tabs.

It’s time for round two, as I watch each one of those ten new videos opening multiple related videos for each one I close, like a huge pornographic hydra. Some related videos take me to new tube sites, where I explore homepages and specific categories. As I finish a video and close its tab, bringing me down to nineteen open tabs, I notice that one of the torrents has finished downloading. I open it eagerly, but the video is disappointing. I skim through it quickly before turning back to my browser, where I have time to watch two more short videos before the next torrent download completes.This one is pretty good, and I can tell from the first few minutes. I go back to the beginning of the video and watch it without barely skipping anything, building the anticipation of what I know are going to be great sex scenes, and rejoicing in them when they come. I watch a 35min video in about 30min, going back to revisit some of the best parts. It was a great find: I leave the video in my file system and open the browser again.

As I’m watching a casting girl being fucked from behind by a creepy Czech guy on a greasy leather couch, I hear my parents come back home.

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I look at the time on my computer: it’s 8:45 pm. Fifteen tabs are open as I minimize the browser and take my left hand out of my pants. It has not stopped stroking my dick since I first opened that browser.

As I begin to lose my erection, I feel the need to pee. I leave my room and, on my way to the bathroom, I cross paths with my mom. She tells me they brought dinner. I wash my hands and join them in the living room. Porn images keep flashing in the background of my brain as I watch the evening news, eating pizza while sitting next to my dad. All I can think about are those fifteen videos that I left open. There are two of them in particular that have the potential to be amazing videos. I can almost feel them pulling me towards that sweaty desk chair back into my room. I finish my dinner as soon as I can and brush my teeth. It’s 9:35 pm when I sit back down on that chair.

This time, I close the door of my room completely. I’m wearing only my right earphone, leaving my other ear unblocked so that I can hear my parents when they approach my room. For the rest of the night until they go to sleep, I must stay alert, ready to minimize the browser and let my dick loose as soon as I hear them walk the aisle towards or past my room. It wouldn’t be the first time they walk in unexpectedly, since they rarely knock on the door.

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I’m back to my precious videos and the tabs that I left open. As I watch them, I continue the cycle of related videos and sites. Sometimes I find a video that belongs to one of the not-so-well-known networks that I haven’t checked out in a while, so I navigate to their sites to preview their content and google for some of their videos, reaching new tube sites and downloading a couple of extra torrents. However, after a while, the stream of tube videos starts to run out. At this point, the related content has come full circle and the new sites I find are mostly full of shitty low-quality amateur closeup videos.

I check the time and it’s 11:08 pm. I have found some great videos but I feel like I can do better, and I have the energy to keep going for a little while until I go to sleep. I decide to turn my attention back to the big networks and start going through their older videos to try to find some hidden gems. However, these videos are hard to download as all the links are broken and the torrents have long been abandoned. The only way to get to them is to try to sneak into one of these network sites.

The process is tedious. I try a bunch of websites offering shady text files with a list of stolen usernames and passwords, protected by infinite layers of ad-crowded captchas. Navigate to the porn site, Ctrl-C the username, Ctrl-V into the login form, Ctrl-C the password, making sure I don’t copy the trailing whitespace, Ctrl-V into the login box, hit the button, cross my fingers… user blocked! Try your luck with the next username! Every time I hit that login button I feel like a gambling addict pulling down the lever on a slot machine. Until finally… I hit the jackpot!

After much trial and error and only being able to break into one or two shitty websites with terrible content, I find the key to one of the great, big network sites. I dive head-first into their catalog, which goes back to 2006. I know all the newest videos, but I also know most of the oldest ones from the times when I managed to log in to this same website in the past. So I edit the URL to navigate to page 150 out of 260, where I calculate I have more chances to find videos that are new to me. The site is a gold mine, but I don’t know if this user will keep me logged in for long and it is getting late anyway, so I quickly browse a few pages of videos and download just eight of them before closing the site. I figure this will be the last bunch I’ll do today.

At this point my parents are sleeping, so I can safely wear my headphones and pay full attention to the videos. Some of these last few videos are pretty good and I end up watching a big chunk of each of them. As I wrap up this final round, I glance nervously at the clock to see it’s 3:12 am.

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By now, my dick has been mostly soft for the past few videos, only getting hard at the very best moments. It is time for one last effort to collect the rewards of a day’s worth of searching. I open my browser again and rewatch all those videos that I had selected and kept open in tabs, along with some of the best ones that I downloaded into my hard drive. I rewatch some of their best moments over and over, until I finally pick that one special moment in that one special video that I want to jerk off to. It has to be special if it needs to get my dick up in its current state. But it does, and my penis raises one last time, like a boxer that was ready to throw in the towel but is forced by his coach to fight one last round. And it wins. Or loses. I don’t know, but the fight is over.

After I’m done and cleaned up, I close all the tabs in the browser and delete all the downloaded videos. I go to the bathroom to wash my hands and I look at myself in the mirror. I’m sweaty, my face is red and my eyes bloodshot. I go back to my room and straight into bed.

It’s 3:56 am.

I feel extremely weak. My dick is numb. I close my eyes and the images of the videos keep scrolling on the back of my eyelids. My ears are ringing a little bit. My heart is still beating strong. I hate myself and what I’ve done, but not for long: I soon give up to exhaustion and fall asleep.

 

This is a window into my addiction when it was at its worst. I've unfortunately lived many repetitions of this day, but I can proudly say those days are behind me now. I've been seriously trying to quit porn for a year now, and have managed to go without it for months. I'm still struggling but on a good path!

 

I joined the forum yesterday, then went ahead and shared this with you guys. Why is that being a troll?

 

This makes me happy! Glad my post stopped you from doing it. I like to think it can of gives you post-nut clarity without having actually fapped.

 

As you and other users have pointed out, I posted the story on Reddit as well.
I wasn't sure how much overlap there would be between both communities and decided it was worth sharing it here too.

Thank you for the good words, positive feedback is what motivated me to try and share the story in more places, and that's how I landed in this nice community