Getting friends and girls [A journey]

What would be the best way to build a charming, humorous personality? I used to make everyone laugh back before my PMO addiction, and I seem to have stopped developing my IRL humor because I got heavily into memes a few years ago. I guess just throwing myself out there at the world would work? What would everyone here recommend?

 

Lifestyle UPDATE
I have been successful in toning down internet use in my life, specifically YouTube. I used to be glued to screens before but I think about what I am gonna do when I turn on my computer or pick up my phone now and close it after doing the thing I came for, I try not to surf/browse for dopamine hits.

As you can see from my YouTube watch time stats the difference is massive, I cut down about 28 hours/week. That's more than a whole day per week. Being completely honest, I was browsing NoFap a lot more than before though, about 30-45 minutes per day.

I also had a full blown Internet relapse on Thursday (Yesterday) when I woke up with a bad night's sleep and just could not get up and started watching YT on my phone while lying on my bed. I was so demotivated and anxious that day that I skipped Gym and watched a movie and went full blown YT addict again.

HOW IT HAS AFFECTED ME
In a sentence: I realized how desperately lonely I am.

The first day was good, I was talking to lots of people about random everyday topics and I was happy enough that day, maybe I woke up at a good time that day. And the next day was just boring, I was talking to people a lot more though, family members, kids around my house and everyone in general. After the second day my loneliness that I had numbed for years was kicking in big time. I started to loose motivation, I started to loose my happy behaviour. I find no reason to get out of bed when I wake up anymore.

I was meeting 'friends' a lot more though, but all my 'friends'(they are more like acquaintances) are dead, ambition-less wimps and I didn't felt like hanging out with them when I was in their company. But when I was not in their company I again craved intelligent conversation which is almost impossible to get around here in this rural country.

My general motivation was slowly waning to a halt now, I could go to the gym, take cold showers still but I was slowly failing to see a reason for all of it.

UPSIDES OF THE INTERNET ADDICTION
Whenever I was bored and in my house, I craved for the internet. I was missing the comfort that the little dopamine hits provided me. I wrote these lines on the memo app when I caved in one night and watched a video:


For those moments i was lost, absolutely oblivious to all my problems and shortcomings. the world seemed perfectly fine, i was good friends with the people in the video. I was at utmost comfort. As soon as the vid ended i was jumping straight 2 da comments, hoping to not have a break from the connection, nd then 2 another vid.


Dopamine is a regulator of motivation. The little dopamine hits energize people, it gives a sense of moving forward in life, of accomplishing something without actually doing it. Yesterday when I went full blown glued-to-screen mode, I realized I was a lot more pumped up and energized to do things and talk to people again. It was like the first day of the week when I had just cut out internet, but I had bad sleep that night again.

Maybe I was having withdrawals, maybe I am in the NoFap flatline, maybe its the winter causing this, maybe my dopamine receptors are absolutely fried and I need to give it more time. And that's what I will do, going for even stricter measures now. NO internet at all or Allowing internet surfing only once a day if I cant handle it.

 

UPDATE

There was not one friend who came to my mind when I thought about "who would I like to specifically hang out with right now" for the past few days. I need to search farther and wider for non-wimp friends. My school being closed is REALLY taxing my social life.

I met a school friend on my way to the gym a few days ago. He was just driving around with his friend and I told him to pick me up as well next time so we can waste time together. I would rather not hang out with him but he knows a lot of people from different schools so maybe I can expand my social circle a bit.

I set up a meet with two female friends from school and we will be going to a kebab roll (kebab paratha) place to hang out on Sunday. Neither of them I see as a potential GF as we have been friends for years now and I don't feel particularly attracted to them but I'll still see if this 'chick magnetism' thing of being on Nofap for long works or nah. It has been a year since they have seen me (schools closed due to corona) and I started working out a year ago.
Lets see........I will keep you guys posted.

 

Lucky you bro, go get em!

 

UPDATE
I met those two girls today. We used to talk and laugh alot back in my PMO days. But I've come far from that point, really far. People say dropping Porn lowers our standards but it seems to have risen mine.

They both were extremely.....lost. All they could talk about was their fav netflix show, fav youtuber, fav TV show, bitching about other people, complaining about how much they study and shit to each other. They are consumers/basic bitches through and through and they identify and differentiate themselves on basis of consuming. During all of this I just stfu as I had nothing to say.

I asked what did they do during quarantine, any crazy stories, what do they do all day.........nothing. This is just who they are, and I used to be like them, we used to laugh so much together. I felt like a fucking third wheel and I didnt even mind. I am not attracted to them and neither am I interested in conversating with them anymore. Unbelievable how much I have changed in a year

 

By dravidian I meant aboriginals.You know, the poorer and darker people which are often of the lower castes. To be clear I don't believe in caste-ism neither in god as a matter of fact.

They were attentive when I spoke, and laughed at the lamest of my jokes. Still I dont think they saw me as potential BF but thats to be expected when we've been friends 4 years. Like I said I felt like a third wheel, I was quiet for most of it .

I think I might be judging people too harshly?

Agreed man. So many people have been displaced from the present moment, from the here and now, to comfortable fantasies that don't matter in the real world. When what your favourite footballer/cricketer/TV character/Youtuber/Instagram influencer/Musician does starts becoming a priority in your life, you become less of a priority to the real people around you.

 

Looking back at some of the things I said in this thread I seem like a narcissist. I have inherited some very few narsciistic behaviour from my father and I absolutely loathe him. I will not do anything that resembles the narcissism of his. Fuck that nigga.

 

Running away from home
Yesterday morning woke up with a wet dream at 6 am. I ran off my home yesterday morning after fighting my family. I packed a lot of things and was not intending to come back. I beat up my father in self defence. Two bags on a bicycle for 6 hours. I was very tired aswell, having had only 4 hours of sleep that night I was tired even before I left since I had just physically fought two adults alone.

Met a lot of people on my way. When I explained them my situation they told me the regular bullshit about parents always want the best for you but I was too tired to explain to them my parents are narcissists who do not give a fuck about my health. I tried to sign up for the homeless night shelter last night but they personally sent me back to home. If I want to complete my high school education I would have to tolerate my parents for another 1 year and 3 months. Learnt a lot of things. If you are out homeless as a kid from a good family, its a competition for people here to send you back home so as to establish a relationship with the runaway kids' family and have them owe you a favor.

The whole family except my mom and dad were crying when I came back. The first thing my mom said when she got a private moment with me today was "Why did you return?". FML.The only good thing to happen to my life is winning the genetic lottery.

Some tips for strong young men:
Being very able physcially and carrying a knife/gun is important. A source of income is lesser important than finding a place to sleep. Be nice to people and you will get free food for dayz if you live in an industrialized society. Be alert and careful when someone tries to provide you unsolicited security(food/company/shelter).