Escort challenge

Anyone any other thoughts?

yes I would say keep it out of the workplace for sure.
Hope everyone is doing well and keeping strong!

 

I won't tell them about me. I'll rather stay quiet, and if they ask me personally I'll tell them what I wouldn't do or what I am not willing to do, not necesarily what I've done.

 

I am failing this challenge.

I saw an escort this morning. I am feeling so underwhelmed during this pandemic and I thought an escort might cheer me up.

How insane. Who knows if she or her other johns had covid?

 

it’s alright, I been their many times myself, pick yourself up, how long was your streak? Anyways I know It’s been what 7 hours so sometimes response time on the thread is fairly slow when people are feeling down from the act but don’t let this put your hopes down, their is still life, it still goes on.
I still battle with the thoughts often daily myself, it’s so annoying.
Stay strong buddy!!!
And thanks for sticking with this thread!

 

Don't give up, keep figthing, keep living. In the path of recovery from addiction there might (more accurate they will be, but I don't like saying that they will occur, because that is what we don't want) be relapses, but with time they will distance from each other, and soon they will finish.

 

As my city shuts-down due to Covid, I was curious if the escort agency was still operating. The thought was I would just check and that will be all.

The pictures of the escorts just drew me back in and I arranged a tryst with the escort that I was with the last time. The agency indicated that the escorts are routinely tested for Covid. I just went for it.

 

I went to get tested for Covid.

My test came out negative.

I feel like dodged a bullet here.

 

Hello All,
I am ashamed to say I failed my streak today, but I didn't see an escort. I was just cruising around escort websites and was engaging in M in the process. Contacted some of them but didn't follow through with it.
I feel ashamed in resetting my no PMO timer, but amongst the shame I am beginning to see that I am becoming more proud of myself when I shut my phone off and take control in the middle of the process of acting out the urge and stop myself from following through with the act of seeing an escort.
This is a good sign and allows me to find some amount of joy.

 

I been struggling today. I didn’t look into an escort but sure the thought hit me hard. I just went into a hookup site looking to find me one night stand or hookup. I ended up messaging a lot of people, but didn’t get many replies. It’s just a trigger for me to look at all the profiles up. Then I could have went onto an escort site. Thank goodness it didn’t go that far. But I ended up skipping a workout which made me feel a little like shit. I did a different one instead but I feel bad that I wasted my day on this site and spent the money in the site.
I’m thankful i still didn’t indulge in any escorts but guilty for being in the site. Cause it had a lot of porn on it. I wasn’t looking for porn though, just a fuck. I should be doing something more meaningful.


I don’t feel I broke my streak for the porn. Although the site had it I wasn’t really actively looking and fantasizing the nude pics I just feel I was near the cliff.

Hope everyone is well!

 

It's progress, not perfection. You got this. And you're honest about what happened. Stay faithful to your recovery plan, walk the talk and enjoy the days coming. Well done for staying away from escort sites.

 

Hey All

This was a huge issue for me over the years. Something I’m staggeringly embarrassed to admit. It was a high I used to get messaging escorts telling them my fantasies and seeing who would reply and whether they would be interested in doing it.

Looking back it’s incredible how I never got caught (I was in a relationship). One time my car broke down on the way home - miles from work etc and managed to blag it. Another time I got scratch marks down my face and neck and again was able to make up some cock and bull story about been angry at myself for dropping a glass or something.

I really was lost and out of control for a fair few years and I feel a great shame and guilt over it. My relationship ended last month and I feel deep down that I could never be truly honest with her because I had this great shame and guilt built up inside me.

Thankfully I haven’t done anything like that in over two years. Have I been on escort sites? Yes. Have I signed up to message escorts? Yes.

But I know now that the minute you use your phone and part with cash it’s game over. It just isn’t worth it.

It’s a major part of my addiction and one I can’t take my eye off. It ruined me for a fair few years and even though I’m now single I don’t want to see that as an easy high.

Keep up the good fight guys, this stuff isn’t worth the guilt, shame and hassle

 

Merry Christmas everyone!

 

Well everyone I hope your doing better then me. I fucked up my streak. I been depressed for days to be honest, hadn’t been getting out of bed, just feeling sad and depressed so was on the hookup sites and apps looking to find a chick to hookup with. I was tempted to check out the escort sites and have been. I ended up relapsing to porn and some without it.
But also been considering this one escort. I just want to find the “perfect” one that will get me what I want because I haven’t been with a woman in a while.

I am a terribly shy person as well. I hate to admit it but I am. And covid and all this junk.
So I broke my promise of looking at porn.
But I should stay strong for the rest of year without escorts
Right, I should, that was my goal so I better.

I just want to encourage others out their struggling your not alone. I been depressed, lonely, and I this is it for my fuckups 2020!
I need to do something else then pay to fuck, I need to talk to girls, look at myself, quit being shy!!!


I know I’m a good person. I know I am. I just hate this thing inside of me.

 

Thank you @GA93JDeereboy for being so honest and open. Stay strong, get back on track, especially in these days, stay away from escorts and instead of hating that thing inside ... hm ... maybe try to embrace it, listen to it, do not fight it, make it your complice.
Not sure but in my case fighting creates a force and that creates a counter-force ... resisting ... avoiding ... all is tremendously energy-consuming. What are we heading for and why? You are worthy of love and belonging, a shy person is a treasure especially in a world full of pretenders and show offs. Don't get confused there. Shyness can be a quality. Legends always keep their secret hehe, that's why they are legends. In a world full of caterpillars it takes balls to be a butterfly

 

All this is is an extension of our addition. Albeit an extreme form. It’s an ultimate high and level of dopamine we get from searching then calling/booking and then going to see them. It’s an experience. It’s different to just watching porn.

But it’s fucking dangerous. Like I said in a previous post, I was so close to losing everything (ultimately I lost it all in the end anyway) but my wife never knew about the escorts. That would have killed her. I look back now and shake my head at how it all unraveled. It’s such an ugly thing to be a part of.

Thankfully I got a new phone in may and a new number to go with it. It’s amazing that for around 3 years I had called/texted escorts on my personal phone and got away with it.

Posting this is therapeutic as I know how scummy I have been. I’m no victim that’s for sure. All I can do is become a better person going forward

 

True, the searching, calling, planning ... is a huge part of it all. In the end I would be with an escort and often after 15, 20 minutes I ended it. Or did what was needed to end it , hoped for it to end. I got hooked on the whole process before, the "hunt" ... more than the actual meet up. Sorry to hear your wife left but glad to hear you're out of it, not the relationship, the addiction. Stay strong and safe and happy new year.

 

Hey @kammaSati That was the same for me. I would go and be there for 10/15 minutes and get my fix and go. I was never relaxed. I was always on edge, worrying about my car and whether it had been stolen or whether I was going to get robbed.

Thanks man. This has been the hardest time for me. Weirdly enough I have all the time now to go and see escorts but I generally cannot be bothered as well as not actually wanting to anymore. It’s just frustrating that I didn’t have that mindset when I was with my ex

 

I appreciate hearing your feedback and experiences as well. I just been a bit down and depressed. I’m doing better. It sucks I feel I let some of you down. I did text 2 escorts. I just been couped up. Skipping workouts, not doing much. I don’t plan on meeting that one I was interested in meeting with today. I don’t think she will say hey to me via text. She could be LE for all I know. I’m not in a relationship now or ever been in one,
but their is this girl I like who is long distance away. I haven’t met her since Covid restricted travel. But I just been feeling down. I just want to finish this year strong, finish strong. Cause what I really would want I don’t see that escort doing,

I’d want to make out, fuck, cuddle, and all that good stuff but for a whole night. Yea I don’t want to spend money for 20 mins or so. I’ll feel like shit afterwards. I’ll feel like shit paying, cause it’s not the real thing, it’s a job, as much as I’d like them to like me but being a customer it’s just so sleazy. I don’t care how accepted it may be or becoming.

And then what happens after I see the escort? What happens in a week or whatever? I’ll be one and done huh? Bullshit, I’ll be hooked.
I don’t want it. I want a healthy happy
Relationship. Not some fake fuck.

sorry about my language I’m just expressing myself.