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Will this ever be over?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by BrokenHeart 2, Dec 23, 2020.

  1. BrokenHeart 2

    BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

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    I am dating a guy who suffers from delayed ejaculation. I am wondering if he has really given up porn and masturbation or is he lying. He constantly talks about wanting to masturbate but says he doesn't. I just don't understand how you could like playing with yourself more than being with a partner. He claims he is attracted to me but hardly ever has an orgasm with me. I love him but I am losing interest in being intimate with him because of this. It is hard to want someone that enjoys playing with himself and watching porn over being with a real human or that can orgasm better with his hand than you. I just want it to be over. Im tired of dealing with this. Is there anyone who has recovered from this? I'd like to know if men with delayed ejaculation actually enjoy being with their partner and can they even feel anything or do you feel Porn and masturbation are better? If sleeping with me is better then i don't understand why he can't orgasm with me but can with his hand. I just want the truth.
     
    Lionheart23 and +TenPercent like this.
  2. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Here it goes.

    Remember is his problem not yours, he need to work to fix it, not you.

    Maybe he is, maybe he doesn't. Or you trust him or you don't, trust is really important in a relationship.

    Trust him or not, is your choice. It look like he is really struggling with it so maybe he is in fact on nofap.

    Porn is a super stimulus that is more intense than real sex. After a lot of porn consumption real sex become a little boring and not that much exiting as porn for our brain.

    That's because he consumed too much porn, at this moment having sex in general for him it isn't that arousing. He get really aroused with porn but not with real sex.

    Wel.. this is going to take time to heal if he commit 100%, if he is not is going to be like this or even worst. First stage is delayed ejaculation next is erectil disfuction.

    I agree with you but it is his really rigth now. You can choose to stay with him hoping he get better or call it a day and look for another guy that don't have this issue.

    Again, deal with it and hope for the better or break up with him.

    Yes of course! In this page you can find a lot of succes stories: "https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...healing-delayed-ejaculation-de-or-anorgasmia/"

    Yes they are but not as intense as a man that don't have this issue.
    Remember, sex is not all about the orgasm. Having sex is an hour of kissing, touching, etc, the orgasm is just 10 seconds. Is the climax but you can really enjoy the rest.

    For the people into porn, porn is more exciting to the brain than real sex. So.. yes porn is better.

    Don't get me wrong, a man into porn prefers a real woman over porn, but his brain is demaged and gets aroused with porn and not that much with real sex.
    I'm sure he prefers you over porn, but his brain gets turned on more with porn than you, that's why he can orgasm with porn and not with a woman.

    Bottom line, if he quits porn over time his brain is going to heal and start to anjoy a lot more real sex like a normal brain does. He need to work on avoiding porn and masturbation and you need to decide if you trust him he is working on fixing it.
     
  3. BrokenHeart 2

    BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much for addressing all of my questions! I really appreciate that!
     
  4. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    Masturbation and actual sex don't really compare. This comes from a guy who has masturbated a lot over the course of 23ish years.

    That being said - it requires zero effort, no care for another person's enjoyment, less time, no worries about consent, etc etc etc. It's not that masturbation is equal or even close, it's like having a really shitty piece of cold pizza compared to your favorite, it's that masturbation is easy and fast and gives you that bit of distraction/dopamine/escape/enjoyment without any extra effort. When you add porn to the equation, it can be a deadly combo as seen by the number of people who come to this website looking for help.

    When it comes to recovery - for me I had DE when I first met my now wife. It was not the amount of porn or masturbation that caused it for me, it was HOW I masturbated. (google dan savage and deaht grip). It will fix itself over time, but it takes time and consistency.

    As for the trust issues. There is no way for someone here to know if he's telling you the truth or not. It's something you need to be able to figure out. It's HIS job to own his sobriety and recovery, not yours. It's important to remember that this is HIS problem. You didn't mention it, but you should NOT be throwing yourself at him to say "use me instead of porn and your hand, aren't I better?". That won't fix anything long term.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2020
  5. Did he say he is a PA who's supposedly in recovery? Or, did he just tell you that he's given up PMO? Also, what does he say about why it is that he can't O with you?

    This is a tough place to be...it is very hurtful to think you can't satisfy your partner, especially when you feel like you have to compete with P. I'm sorry you're going through this.
     
    BrokenHeart 2 and +TenPercent like this.
  6. BrokenHeart 2

    BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

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  7. BrokenHeart 2

    BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! I have made the mistake of thinking it was my responsibility to solve it but if its something that he wants or doesn't want to continue I have to learn to let him make the decision. But I think this week I am learning to let it go because it has been hurting me and I can't force it on anyone.
     
  8. BrokenHeart 2

    BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

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  9. BrokenHeart 2

    BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! Unfortunately I think it is just something that he said to keep me around. I can tell he has tried but I'm not sure it's something he really wants to do to give it up. So I can also see that he goes back to it and tries to hide it. Thank you for understanding. It does suck to know that i don't satisfy him nearly as much as his hand or porn. But i have to let it go because it is a terrible pain that i keep putting myself through. He just said he's giving it up but I don't think he believes he's addicted. I just have to learn to let him do what he wants and hope it doesn't cost us our relationship. I just think it is a shame that anyone has to struggle with this. No matter what anyone says, nobody wants to see their partner orgasm better with a hand and porn than when they have them that they claim they love. It is hard to see!
     
    bama_lost and hope4healing like this.
  10. justname

    justname Fapstronaut

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    I had same issues years ago i was avoiding sex and i was completely asexual, PMO made me moralising and complaining how relationships are all about sex, nofap turned that around for 180 and turned me into a biggest pervert haha
     
    BrokenHeart 2 likes this.
  11. BrokenHeart 2

    BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad you made it! It is nice to be able to talk about it honestly with you all. Sometimes I would like to know what men think and are we all so different or is it just the industry trying to profit off of us at our own expense. I really wish more people would experience sex and love before P because they would know it is greater without that.
     
  12. Yes, I'm sure he's trying very hard to continue believing that he is completely in control, and therefore, he's not an addict. The fact that he keeps going back after saying he'll quit along with the fact that he's lying about all of it tell a different story, however. My husband did this for several years before he finally acknowledged there was a problem. But, even then, he said it was a "bad habit" or "like an addiction" and still wouldn't admit the addiction is real. The denying, minimizing, rationalizing, blame shifting, justifying, etc. are all absolutely maddening, but there's nothing you can do until he wants recovery.

    For your sake, I really hope he is able to see how much damage is being caused and he commits to recovery...before it's too late.
     
    BrokenHeart 2 likes this.
  13. justname

    justname Fapstronaut

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    I don`t give a shit what this community says cuz all that stuff they mentioning will happen without P too. People`s lives are changing on nofap becouse they are doing very powerful practice of semen retention, all the benefits ( confidence, energy, attraction ) comes from semen retention. This is where this community bothers me. I don`t see any difference between creators of this site, most people here and P addicts, becouse for all of them even MOing and dropping away semen is ok like it`s nothing. Now is sex worth of losing all that superpowers? That is up to people to decide, but is PMOing, or MOing ( which is ok for this community ) worth of losing superpowers? Ofc not ^^
     
  14. I don't know enough about semen retention to say how great it is or isnt't, but I don't think those practicing it are the only ones whose lives are changing for the better. You can gain confidence, energy, and attraction by committing to recovery, ridding your life of toxic shame, repairing your relationship, and conquering your addiction to live a happier, healthier life. Semen retention isn't a requirement for those things to happen.

    In no way am I saying the semen retention doesn't have benefits or that you can't achieve those things while doing it. I just feel like it's a little unfair to say that those particular benefits all come from semen retention because that simply isn't true.
     
    bama_lost and BrokenHeart 2 like this.
  15. justname

    justname Fapstronaut

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    Very very very very little semen creates whole human being. Do you know what that is power. Even medicine has shown that it takes body very hard work to create semen. It takes 40 grams of blood to turn into only 1 gram of semen. It is proccess of weeks. When you O, it is just like you wasted a lot of blood. That is why man feels drained after sex and just wants to sleep. In next days after O, you feel like a zombie. Drained, no energy, no any of benefits. After a couple of weeks of semen retention girls became vampires for me out of nowhere haha. They are very nice to me, complimanting me, approaching me, cuddling my hair telling me how cute i am. Guys without semen retention can only dream about that. There is explanation for that too haha. When you do semen retention for long enough, your body starts thinking you sucking with women and starts doing everything to make you more attractive to women. Semen retention was most powerful secret hundreds, thousands of years before porn even existed, so i am not buying into that bullshit that i am not wactching at some pixels is reason my life is changing LOL

    When i MO i feel terrible, depressed just like i PMOed. I don`t see any difference. Most sucessful people you watching did semen retention, muhamed ali and all professional fighters, spiritual monks like buddha they was all doing semen retention. In other words what people call ` 1% ` are doing semen retention. If you don`t agree with me, that is fine. Keep living in denial. Becouse not everyone is supposed to be 1% ^^
     
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2020
    Lionheart23 likes this.
  16. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    Make your boundries clear. Then stick with them. If he throws away the relationship for porn, it's his choice.
     
    BrokenHeart 2 likes this.
  17. BrokenHeart 2

    BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!
     
  18. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    And that comes from a guy who is on his last chance and had to make major changes and take major steps to keep his marriage.
     
  19. BrokenHeart 2

    BrokenHeart 2 Fapstronaut

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  20. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    The truth is it will( in my opinion)never be over. If he is an addict, he will have to face that, admit it, then work recovery. I was 23 when I married my husband. He had de on our honeymoon. I didn’t know that’s what it was because I was a virgin and had literally no experience. I thought it was strange that it took so long and had an “ off” feeling. Knew something wasn’t right and by 6 months of marriage I was so miserable and unhappy I was begging him for counseling. I didn’t “ believe” in divorce. I thought I was needy, unreasonable and had unrealistic expectations because I was comparing him to my dad and my parents marriage. I thought it was crazy to want to divorce because of a lack of sex, which was really what drove me crazy. Being rejected when I initiated and him not initiating. Truthfully I’m not needy at all, lol.I wasn’t demanding or unrealistic in my expectations. I was pretty healthy and normal. I was comparing my dysfunctional relationship to my parents healthy one. I didn’t discover the true problem until 5 years in. Then, because I absolutely viewed porn as cheating
    by this point and told him I wanted a divorce. He begged me to go to counseling. I got pregnant on the pill while we were going to weekly counseling. Things were really good for about 2 years, then he went right back to it. Only now, I felt trapped. Fast forward 18 years, we discover it’s an addiction, he gets into group, counseling, etc. he is working very hard at recovery and is a different man completely. Unfortunately, I’m a different person as well. The betrayal and trauma has forever changed me, and not in a good way. I’ve been in counseling for 2 years. At least now I know what’s going on. My husband and I have a surprisingly good relationship. But, I do not believe it will ever be what it could have been without betrayal and lies. It is definitely way better than when we first married. Way better than 3 years ago. If at 23 your boyfriend has de, then he’s most likely a hard core addict. I know mine was. If he doesn’t want to quit with every fiber of his being, then he won’t. He will just get better at hiding it. They are really good at hiding and lying.
     

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