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I'm feeling like it's impossible to break my addiction

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Embark39, Dec 27, 2020.

  1. Embark39

    Embark39 Fapstronaut

    I'm fed up. I'm tired. I've known PMO has been bad for me and I've been trying to stop it for like the last ten years, and I feel like I've gone nowhere. I've tried everything I could think of --- putting internet blockers, trying meditation, taking cold showers, keeping a journal, exercising, etc.... Some things worked for a time, and then I got back to relapsing. I don't know how many hundreds of times after I've relapsed that I prayed it would be the last time.

    I'm so mad right now. I mean, it's just a simple thing in theory --- just stay away from porn and stop masturbating. And yet I've failed so many times. I'm starting to think I'm just a weak person and I'll stay addicted forever.

    I'm so mad that I feel like the last decade of my life has been wasted with this stupid addiction, an addiction that I've known all this time has been bad and that I've tried to stop.

    I'm furious. And I just needed to get my thoughts out. I need someone to tell me there's a way out of this.
     
  2. Embark39

    Embark39 Fapstronaut

    It's my stupid sexual thoughts. That's the root of the addiction. As long as I still have sexual thoughts I'll still have the addiction. I need to find a way to get these stupid thoughts out of my head, and keep them out.
     
    Godlovesme999 likes this.
  3. Embark39

    Embark39 Fapstronaut

    I want there to be a time in my future when, if I accidentally came across some porn, there's no sexual urges floating around in my head if I look at it, and really no thoughts about it whatsoever. I want there to be a time when even the thought of PMO naturally turns me off like how cutting or intentionally injuring oneself naturally turns most people off.

    I don't know how I can get to that state.
     
    Rosamund likes this.
  4. Hustypeta

    Hustypeta Fapstronaut

    My friend, you definitely have not tried everything. And I don't think that you understand. Nofap won't help you get rid of urges, but it will give you the strength to fight them. Think about Mike Tyson. He went 5 years without sex (and orgasm maybe? IDK). Do you honestly think that after let's say 2 years he didn't feel any urges or have any sexual thoughts? I am sure he was horny asf. But his determination was so strong that those urges were nothing in comparison. You will always have urges unless you are a robot or something.

    You write after a relapse, am I right? I know how you feel but every cloud has a silver lining. Try to embrace that feeling of failure. Feel it with your whole body. I know it's not a pleasant feeling but just try it. And when urges hit you in the future, remember that feeling. If you do that, there is no chance for relapse.

    Today marks my 30th day without PMO. If I could do it, why not you? Set a measurable goal like one week, two weeks, or one month...
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2020
  5. Rosamund

    Rosamund Fapstronaut

    Hi.
    I'm sorry for what you feel. I understand you completely. Lots of us were and are in such condition. Honestly, With this restless mood, success seems unlikely. I myself when felt so restless and distressed, it would be so probable for me to fail. Instead, I once started with a great energy and kept going wisely. I could stop the habit for 340 days that time.

    I believe if we want to stop this habit we need something more than a strong will. We need to acquire the necessary skills, immune ourselves and treat ourselves like our own great helper.
    I don't know how much it applies to you, but many of us who have struggled with this addiction, have some degrees of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I think the intensity of this may differ but most of the time we may be able to heal ourselves if we are patient enough. If you think this issue applies to you and you have become a bit perfectionist about your daily life, tell me and I'll tell you some tricks.

    I told myself that... If I really want to end up this habit I have to pay attention to 3 factors needed:
    Time, Perseverance and Avoiding Perfectionism in my daily tasks.
    When we remind ourselves that we need time, it means that succeed will be reached if we are patient enough. We need days to come and pass.
    Perseverance: Means you need to help yourself as you love yourself, help yourself and be kind to yourself not to fail again. I read in one of this forum's posts something like "Motivation is not an electric sparkle that strikes you and miraculously changes your life and your mindset. It's the reason you give yourself not to give up and go on."
    Days are precious. Be good to you. We all succeed if we persist.
    Make a plan for yourself. Try good habits and be your greatest helper. Make a plan for times you feel an urge. Remember, the urge is like fire. When it's a small flame, it's easy to extinguish, but when it goes ahead, it may burn everything. Then, try to stop it when the lightest sparkle of thought comes to your mind. Find alternatives that give you peace and a good mood.
    And again, Patience Ensures Victory. Don't lose hope. You will succeed, of you want to.
     
  6. Trailblazer7

    Trailblazer7 Fapstronaut

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    Try joining an SA Meeting, Sexaholics Anonymous. It really helps knowing people who abstain from PMO in real life
     
  7. Embark39

    Embark39 Fapstronaut

    That has what has made me depressed ---- thinking that I'll just have these urges forever, and that I'll constantly be fighting to suppress them for the rest of my life. Or if not the rest of my life, such a long time that it'll be too much of an uphill battle for me and an even larger chunk of my life will be wasted. I know there'd be so much I'd be able to achieve in my life if I didn't have this stupid addiction constantly draining me.

    I look back to last year when I went several months without any PMO. I thought I got a glimpse to what life was like without even any urges or thoughts about PMO. But then one day I felt sick, I was home alone, and somehow those thoughts came racing back and I relapsed. About a year later I still haven't been able to regain my footing and coming even remotely close to being PMO-free for as long. It seems like every time I relapse it getting harder and harder to recover. I feel like I'm losing hope.

    I just wish I could go back to the state of mind I had before puberty, where I didn't even have a speck of a sexual thought whatsoever, and didn't view other people as sex objects. Surely it's possible for me to get back to that as an adult? If not, I give up. I don't want to fight to suppress this addiction for the rest of my life, and like trying to keep a balloon under water, have the urges erupt somehow eventually when I have my guard down. I just want this addiction gone forever. I want all of my sexual thoughts and urges completely out of my head and I don't want them to ever come back. It's frustrating me that they seem to always find a way back, even if they have been suppressed for a long time.
     
  8. corylife

    corylife Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    You sound like me, if you ever need someone to talk to, message me. I relapsed today. It sucks so bad.
     
    Divine By Design and Embark39 like this.
  9. Trailblazer7

    Trailblazer7 Fapstronaut

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    Guys do you have a support group? Like a network of people who know that abstaining from PMO is a struggle and share insight among us?
     
    Embark39 likes this.
  10. Embark39

    Embark39 Fapstronaut

    Thanks. Yes I'm in a really restless mood right now. I relapsed less than 24 hours ago, I feel like shit right now, and I probably will feel that way for at least the next week or so as long as I don't relapse again. I just wish I could fast forward a few weeks into my recovery. I don't know how much longer I can bear feeling like this. After I relapse I also get severe dermatitis flare ups, and they usually don't wind down until at least a week after. I'm dreading feeling like this for that long yet again.

    For the umpteenth time I'm saying to myself "Here we go again", and this perpetual feeling that I keep going back to square one is really taking a toll on my motivation.
     
    Rosamund likes this.
  11. Embark39

    Embark39 Fapstronaut

    I think I need this. But I'm in such a bad position right now. I'm an introvert and not very sociable. I haven't shared my PMO struggle with anybody because I feel scared and embarrassed, especially since I'm gay and haven't even been open about that except with my parents. I still live with my parents and in a rural area and I don't even know if there's any support groups around me or not. And with COVID lockdowns I can't even go anywhere anyways.
     
  12. Playmaker97

    Playmaker97 Fapstronaut

    Just because something is simple doesn't mean it's easy, in fact most simple things tend to be difficult. Quitting PMO means taking control of your own mind. Right now the PMO industry has warped your brain, this means there is a part of your brain that isn't listening to you. This also means that same part in your brain/mind is sending you thoughts to get you to relapse.

    You need to change your whole perspective. The number one thing that helped me quit is controlling my thoughts. What does this mean? Here are a few things:

    1. Externalizing/ Dissociating from the addicted brain - i.e. give all PMO thoughts / flashbacks / fantasies a negative name - call them the fap trap or I don't know whatever you want. Whenever you get a thought "Oh my god remember that scene" - you the observer is aware of this thought in your brain - and this CONSCIOUS AWARENESS of this thought is where you take CONTROL. You say in your head "fuck off , this is the fap trap (the addicted brain) trying to get me to relapse , I'm not interested , and so you practice this with every PMO or sexual thought and every fantasy - eventually this becomes automatic in your brain and it's just a little game with time you will forget it was ever a problem given you are persistent with this. There will be setbacks of course. Check out Dr Schwartz's method on treating OCD can be applied to addiction too - this is where what I'm explaining here kind of comes from.

    2. Know your danger zones - for me those are - when I'm overly stressed - that addicted part of the brain has more power over me when trying to get me to relapse. Also when I'm overly fatigued, high, drunk or hungover. Very important to know when you are in one of those to take extra care- because in these times your CONSCIOUS AWARENESS will be reduced- you may be deceived and think that what your addicted brain/mind is trying to get you to do is what 'you' the observer inside the mind wants to do.

    3. You've already done this but keep going - when stressed or angry or whatever use exercise as a replacement to fapping to calm yourself to reduce cortisol in your brain etc. If you can't exercise then meditate or read or just go for a walk. Practice in this moments being the observer in your mind - notice how you feel before exercise and after exercise. Notice how you feel when someone made you angry - practice not lashing out at them. Notice how you feel when you really want to eat junk food- and practice not giving into the urge. This will all come together and help you in the long run.

    4. Finally - try to understand the pain you are trying to heal with this addiction look within yourself- if you want journal- look at your life - map out the painful points try to understand where the addiction possibly started and see how thinking about those moments makes you feel. Work through those emotions. Try to accept them. Try to be more understanding with yourself. It's not your fault, this is a disease, what we are addicted to doesn't matter it's the sort of pain we are trying to reduce and the source of that pain that matters.

    You've got this.

    It's really not that difficult once you control your thoughts. This does mean when you see an attractive woman running on the street not turning around and staring at her - and thinking "oh my god what I would do to her" - that is fantasizing as soon as you notice a fantasy arise cut it out. Imagine painting breaking into pieces. Then do the same thing with whatever imagery pops up in your mind.

    Recommend reading - Gabor Mate - "Realm of Hungry Ghosts" , and one of Patrick Carnes' books.
     
    Hustypeta, Rosamund and Embark39 like this.
  13. Embark39

    Embark39 Fapstronaut

    I think what made me stay PMO-free for so long last year was that I was able to constantly keep myself busy, so there was no time for the sexual thoughts to get in my head. I was working full-time, I was able to pleasure myself on weekends by going on hikes, and overall I was much more motivated. What broke the streak was one unlucky day when I felt sick, was home alone, and needed something easy to help me feel better. And then when COVID hit my work was cut, I couldn't go out on hikes (or really go out and do anything), so I was spending more time at home less busy and depressed and that's why I haven't been able to regain my footing.

    I must not be the only one, surely most of us fapstronauts are finding this year especially tough with all these restrictions.
     
    Rosamund likes this.
  14. Embark39

    Embark39 Fapstronaut

    Thank you, I think this is just what I need. I really needed to hear from someone who has been successful in completely controlling and getting rid of their sexual thoughts, so I know it's possible I won't have to constantly fight to suppress my urges forever.
     
    Playmaker97 likes this.
  15. fred199405

    fred199405 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Mate,

    I totally relate! Feel your pain. I have struggled before and have tried all sorts of different ways to stop acting out. Lots of things help (journaling, exercise etc all really important). There is only one thing that consistently works for me: 12 step recovery. I am in SLAA (sex and love addicts anonymous), i have also been in recovery for drug addiction. 12 steps saved my life. (A key part of staying clean is passing the message on which is what I'm doing now)

    You can find online meetings if you google slaa meetings online.

    Also feel free to message me if you want to here more about how its helped me. I will private message you with my number if you want to know more.

    Fred

    p.s. anyone else who wants to know more please message me
     
    Embark39 and Playmaker97 like this.
  16. Rosamund

    Rosamund Fapstronaut

    Perfect. I copied your text and saved it for myself too.

    @Embark39 For me it was the same. COVID19 changed everything.
     
    Embark39 and Playmaker97 like this.

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