The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Uruk-Hai level 8 checking in.
Sorry to hear that @RiseToGreatness . I'm wishing for you that it just stays a reset and doesn't become a relapse. We need you here in this awesome challenge

 

I already caught the connection. I was being a maximally confused /pol/ack for many years until I started doubting not only what the news but also what /pol/ told me

 

Day 0. (TLDR: back at day 0 due to fabricating grey areas for PMO and not taking NoFap seriously enough).
Sorry for this rant, but I want to get something off my chest.

Just before making it to an elf, I am now back to being an Orc. I fully PMO'ed: I even watched porn again. First, it was Instagram, then it turned to erotic pictures and finally to full porn. To be honest with you guys, this reset was long overdue, or so it feels. It did not just happen overnight but I felt it coming for a week, which leads me to believe that the Christmas days have something to do with it. I am seeing an extreme spike in the number of people that are starting on day 0 again, so this is no coincidence. 'Taking some time off' turns out to be the worst thing one can do: there is no rest on this journey that we are all on. The 'fight' against the urges will go on forever and to be honest, I would not have it any other way. The only way to grow, for me, is to learn how to deal with these urges from the beginning. What has happened during my past 30-day streak is that I started to condone small miss-steps like checking out an Instagram profile (even though I don't have Instagram) or 'masturbating for a few seconds' just to deal with certain feelings. This led me to believe that all those things fell into a grey area: I knew they weren't good for me but I felt like this was not a total PMO so I wouldn't reset for these things, I wouldn't even exercise any kind of punishment for them.

I have been thinking about why I haven't felt any significant changes in how I feel or act in relation to NoFap. I think that is due to me not taking the tips and the boundaries of PMO seriously enough. Like, I would follow the tips, but only because I felt I had to, not because I felt like I needed them. Which was due to the fact of me not taking this journey seriously enough with the whole 'grey-area' thing. This might be why I never totally abstained from PMO, there were always the triggers from time to time (Instagram, but also other sources) and the masturbating never really stopped (when touching your Johnson for other purposes than peeing and that sort of stuff, it's masturbating).

From now on I will go hard mode, truly. No more grey areas. No more slacking off or taking time to relax from NoFap. I can't make the promise I will never relapse again, but I do know where everything went wrong so I can promise that any future relapses won't be due to the aforementioned reasons. If I take a look back at 2020, I can actually look back with pride. I went from someone who was not on NoFap and masturbated 3-7 times a week to someone who masturbated two times in two months. Something I would never have deemed possible, but I did it, and not in the least because of you guys. If you got this far, thanks for reading. Wishing everybody who is starting back at day 0, and everyone (still) continuing their streak, all the best! I feel very lucky to be here and wish to be a part of this community for a long time to come. Let's kill it from now on and through all of 2021!

 

Now that I've reached Day 24 -- I'm relieved because yesterday was the toughest day of the no-PMO journey so far. Not only did I have a wet dream yesterday, someone in a game tried showing porn when I informed them I was doing no-PMO; thankfully, I quit immediately (though there was a second or two of shock) and am no longer going on that game or any game-related services such as Discord.

From that point, I'd say the urges were incredibly rough. Eventually, I ate chocolate as it was of need to be eaten due to it being from Christmas -- though the urges were continuing on for hours on end into the night, before I eventually fell asleep. I even had a dream about it where I was talking about quitting PMO and how tough it was, in which people were supportive about it. I don't know what it means -- but it cheered me up a little.

I've had a lazy morning since I woke up at 7AM and got up at about 9AM. But, to be fair, the fact I managed to defeat these powerful urges shows just how strong my willpower is -- even if there are limits to it. I'm still journaling, I still did my reading, still meditated, still drank more water, and had my shower -- either way, this is certainly no relapse. But it does annoy me that my willpower wasn't enough to hold off a sugar fix.

I don't think I will relapse, though. The fact that I even got through that terrible day and night means something. It means that I have the willpower to keep going. The discipline is there; it just needs practise and development so I can do more than before.

 

Day 2

 

Checking in for day 26

 

Hasn't been quite 24 hours yet but it is night time again and wanted to check in here to keep myself accountable. I need to plan out my goals for next year so I have to stop procrastinating and just do it.

 

My relapse can only happen when my porn blocker is disabled. Yesterday I had oppurtunity to disable it since my pre-set time had elapsed. The only good thing that I can say is I didn't binge, and soon after I enabled it and locked myself out again of the ability to disable my porn content filter. Next date is 21 January 2021. Will need to be strong that day and just immediately lock myself out without even disabling anything. Should probably come here and post more often leading up to that date so I am more prepared.

 

I relapsed late last night and first thing this morning. Last night I was drinking with my roommates and then stayed on my phone when I went to bed. I was looking at p-subs on Twitter which led me to Google images and then a full p site. This morning I immediately went to check my phone and scrolled for far too long and went to the site again. Between a potential covid exposure, the new strain from the UK, and being away from family during the holidays, my drunk brain leaned on PMO for stress relief.

On a brighter note, I made it to 21 days (my longest streak in a while). I'm going to continue the good habits I've developed and cease the bad.

Here are my goals for the next week:

• Pack up a few boxes for my move in a few weeks
• Cook some healthy meals and meal prep on my weekends
• Continue exercising daily in some form
• Read (and maybe finish one of the books I'm reading)
• Have a strict no peeking policy on Twitter and Instagram (I've deleted both of the apps from my phone)
• Only check news while I'm on my lunch break at work to avoid stressing out at home
• Stay off phone while in my bedroom
• Call & check in with friends and relatives

This might be the relapse I've learned the most from so far. I'm gonna focus on forgiving myself and moving forward. With a little more effort and maybe a little luck, I can make it to 30 days and beyond.

Keep on.

 

Day 78 complete

 

22 days. Persevering. I find that the less I fantasize and the less I look at girls sexually or allow myself to have sexual thoughts the less intense the cravings are. I wonder what the cravings will be like in the 40s and 50s if I am still able to maintain this same approach.

 

21 days is a great accomplishment! I've noticed that stress from reading the news and continued scrolling can trigger me as well. Deleting the iPhone news app and safari was a huge game-changer for me. Especially deleting safari. At the height of my addiction, I found that when I would scroll for long periods I would find myself getting excited and aroused. Even if I was looking at something as mundane as furniture in google images LMAO. You've inspired me to take my news blocking a little further and do a no news challenge (see how long I can go without reading the news). It doesn't positively contribute to my life in any way.

 

Checking in. I saw quite a few relapses reported since I last checked in, so I want to say I feel for everybody. I've been there, and it's not fun. Keep building and do not ever give up on yourself. Here are some resources I've found helpful:
The SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION Method
"Recovery" by Russell Brand (good audiobook, too)

 

checking in for day 2! Who ho!!
It took me 7 days since my first post to reach this point, but finally I’ve got a streak to be proud of.
It is still extremely hard for me, but I’ve kept myself busy, meditate and study with a friend all day long. Plus I’ve talk to my AP and that is really amazing.

Plus I’ve gotten the Covid vaccine today so it is a great day over all.

Baby steps, but I’ll get there.

 

Y

keep moving forward bro, always supporting...

 

Day 125.

Who is the driver?.... Who is the driver?

There are no external drivers, there is only you. You don't lose control of yourself, you are always steering. There is nobody else steering. You make the choices; you wanted to feel those synapses. I have been there. I used all the excuses I could find, I pulled everything out of my hat, everything. It got me nowhere. Before I last relapsed I increased my "counter" by the hundreds but there was no change in me, deeply. I was angry at everything, I pointed at everyone else but myself. I was angry and depressed all the time. My mind truly didn't change.

I finally realized, as I said above, there are no external drivers. I am always in control, always. I drive myself straight towards those p-subs, the p-subs didn't control me, I decided that I am going to go in their direction.

I finally realized this and my mentality completely changed. You can get there as well.