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I think I learned something about myself

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Nº 9, Dec 30, 2020.

  1. Nº 9

    Nº 9 Fapstronaut

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    I am at day 82 of Semen Retention a.k.a NoFap HardMode/MonkMode whatever, and I think I learned something today about myself. Wanted to share it sincerely with you guys, maybe it would help somebody wich is trying to know what to expect or what to get from NoFap Hardmode.

    I am a sex addict. Dont have much problems with porn and that stuff, but sex and girls become a huge huge huge addiction to me. To the point it lead me to depression and ruined my life basically. So I started NoPmoing in the past with several succesful streaks. Today is the longest streak I did, 82 days. And yes, pretty proud of myself and that.

    The thing is, I been in the edge of the knife the last couple weeks. Been dating some girls, putting myself to the test really. I confess that sex was in the back of the corner at all times but somehow I could been able to avoid it. Met some new girls and dated some girls of my past that came back (as they usually do).
    Heres the tricky part, there was some girl in particular that came back. She reach to me and we talk about spending christmas together, just me and her, because she was all alone (yes, I know. Quite a hard test for me, huh?).
    I got a past with this girl, we had sex in the past several times, like in february or something of this year and last year too. She wanted to be "more" with me, like my girlfriend, and I didnt want to. We ended the affair but keep talking from time to time.

    She reach out and wanted to spend christmas with me, I said yes. Lately the program was canceled, since her family came back to her, and I spend christmas with my family as I originally planned. We keep talking since chrismas anyways, she wants to go out. She wants me back. This is the current situation.

    Now I am in day 82 of Semen Retention.
    I think, the only "superpower" that NoFap gave was the power to face myself. I can face myself now, see through all the crap and feelings-out-of-control flying around in my head and body now. I can see things clear. I am grateful for that.
    I was reflectioning this morning. Thinking, applying this new superpowers. And it was like that:

    This girl is after me again, I want her too. We could endup in a date any of these days and what I am going to do?

    "why am I doing NoFap?"

    Because of my propouse to form a relationship and a family.
    I got the option to form a relationship with this girl again. But this girl and I cannot have a relationship together.

    "Why?"

    She and I have chemestry. I like her. She is gorgeous, the sex was great in the past, and we are compatible at all levels. She is femenine, and lovely, and sexy, and we treat each other fine and with love and care. We could have a relationship any day, but... she has a child. A daughter.

    "So what?"

    I am not willing to form a family with a child that is not mine. Call me a MF, its ok. But this is my life, and I am not going to do that. I already had decided that before knowing her. Just cant do that, cant form a family with a daughter that is not mine. Just can't. I cant do this again just for sex and escaping being alone.

    The thing is, if I get into a relationship with this girl, I will feel bad. At first I thought that I will feel bad for her because I couldnt posiblly tell her that. BUT THAT`S NOT TRUE. I could say that to her. But it will not be the truth.
    I can see it clearer now, the truth is I will feel bad for myself!
    Because I will private myself from my propouse. By entering a serious relationship with this girl I will exclude myself from searching the correct girl for me.

    I could take this relationship seriously and private myself from finding the right one.
    I could take this relationship lightly, have sex with her and relapse.
    Or I could decide to go on alone, with all the hard suffering and sad feelings that this imply.

    My propouse is what I am now.
    I already decided.

    I am at day 82.
    And this is how "superpowers" look like.
    I cannot be a little kid anymore, and ignore who needs to be responsable. I can see all of this about myself cristal clear and wont ingore it anymore and pretend I dont know it has consecuences.
    I am responsable for my life.
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2020
  2. Wow I don't usually comment but I gotta say that this was a very interesting story. Keep it up bro. Never give up. You can do this. You will done this. You have done this.
     
  3. Nº 9

    Nº 9 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much, bro.
    Thank you for your feedback and your good wishes!
     
  4. Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

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    I'm on day 135 of semen retention. And I resonate with this thread and the "super power" you describe. And this is what I keep telling myself.

    "With great power, comes great responsibility"
     
    Nº 9 and Godlovesme999 like this.
  5. JustLeave07

    JustLeave07 Fapstronaut

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  6. Nº 9

    Nº 9 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, man. This is our realistic "super power". Responsibility.
    Doesnt sound so well but I am starting to like it, after all
     
  7. Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

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    And another quote that's helped me start to like it!

    " In our insanity we often did things that we hoped would make us feel good. Instead of doing things we felt good about. "
     

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