100 Cold Approaches

I do admire your tenacity man.

In my case, I'd do it a few times and then gave up for months!

I can't see myself getting back out there unless I joined some sort of group to do it with field reports and stuff like that.

 

Honestly, it has changed how I perceive myself and the world so much that I'm much more attracted to the understanding of myself and relationships than the result itself.

The result is part of the process. I approach girls to have fulfilling relationships with them. To say otherwise would be a lie. When I approach a girl I like her.
But having sex is not my main goal in my hierarchy of objectives in the long run. There is something much deeper than that. I've even intentionally messed up some early relationships to explore certain states of mind.

Focusing on the result is giving up before I even begin. Because it's not something you can control.
Personally my goal is to become free to approach any girl at any time and free myself from all the conscious and unconscious blocks you can have.

It can go both ways. Some guys are desperate to get as much sex as possible to fill the emptiness they feel inside.

Others prefer to see this process as something much healthier, deeper and more centered on themselves.

It depends

 

Approaching a woman you're attracted to it anytime sounds weird though. I mean, who knows if they're married or busy studying or going through their own traumas. How do you even know they're of the correct legal age? It really is difficult from looking at total strangers on the street to know where they're at in life and my spiritual path needing to get in their way feels disruptive to me.

Isn't it better to try to narrow it down to women who are also looking for partners, which would make places like bars, nightclubs and other sorts of social clubs much better percentage wise?

I suppose I feel like cold approach is breaking some social norms which exist for a reason. And it's kind of invasive behaviour.

But it can be alright.

 

It's about not caring about social norms and doing what you want to do, and being okay with it.
What matters is what you want, not what other people think of you.

These social norms only exist in our heads. The truth is that when you start to blossom in this process you realize how much you set yourself limits in your daily life. Everything we say to ourselves about what is socially accepted, or fear of being rejected, of not being good enough, comes mostly from insecurities that are so ingrained in us that we end up believing them.

Approaching a girl on the street and expressing your vulnerability and compassion brings only positive things to the world.

You don't know. You don't know what's going to happen. For the first time in your life you're losing control of what's going to happen. Yes, it's scary and our brains will do anything to make excuses for not doing it.
Yes you can get rejected, yes she can be busy, married, she can be underage, she can have a boyfriend. Her boyfriend can come over while you are talking to her. Anything can happen. So what if it does? I'm still here, alive, smiling
Tomorrow there may also be an earthquake and you can die. Who can read the future?

The real question to ask is: will I wait until the last day of my life to consider myself and what I really want instead of what I think is socially accepted? Am I going to let norms and fear dictate my life?
I made this decision when I was 19 years old and I don't regret it. The only regret I have is not having started earlier

 

I'm not sure if social norms really 'only exist in our heads.' They do dictate how relationships develop. If I took a dump in public because 'social norms exist only in my head' I'd be arrested and perhaps lose a few friends. Even the PUA stuff like listening actively and using the pronoun 'you' all the time and empathic listening, it's not about ignoring social norms but more about becoming a more compassionate social being.

I'm not disagreeing with everything you've said. I've done cold approaches and am glad I did it.

I overall think that men are more attractive when they have a goal higher than sex that they are aiming for. There's something transcendent about that which makes men more like gods than mortals.

Then I think conversely, such men get sex. That's the old thing when you aren't actively pursuing it you often end up more able to attain it.

But cold approach, gaming and seduction are all interesting skills for sure. But personally, I believe we should focus on getting the life we want rather than talking to strangers in the streets.

 

Good post man!

I have become a bit jaded in recent years and I look back wondering how I ever did cold approach.

Like you, I also did it in foreign countries where I had a bit of a mystique. Plus, when you are in a foreign country doing something out of the ordinary is much easier in general, since you're already in an outsider headspace.

It's funny you talk about street game I'm looking back and realising I don't know if I've ever done street game.

I've done coffee shops/malls/bars/trains/train platforms/train stations/planes/restaurants/art galleries

I've also done stuff like asking for the number of my personal trainer or chatting with staff to try to get their details in bars/coffee shops. Cringe even thinking about it!

But the actual street? I don't think so.

Unlikely I'll do it in lockdown but maybe I'm just using this time as an excuse?

 

Sounds like a good approach!

Where do you approach? Do you hang around in a park looking out for girls to approach?

Or are you walking around town and just acting when you see someone?

 

Interesting man
Do you think anxiety comes from the fact that the mind is trying to figure out how not to be rejected (and doing things right) ?

I was also concerned by negative thoughts and the truth is I got rid of it after 2 years of practice. We can't avoid it at the beginning. This is so brutal for the brain to confront rejection that it's trying to not be rejected. But we want to approach which creates a sort of conflict in our head which leads to anxiety

 

Do you take much time observing a potential approach or do you just go ahead and make the decision in a split second?

Sometimes I've considered an approach only to notice a few seconds later she was with a guy and felt relieved I didn't do it.

Also, do you always approach targets who are sitting down or do you also walk alongside moving targets?

What sort of lines do you use to open up the conversation?

Is it something like in the game like 'I just saw something crazy ....' or more generic lines?

 

I totally understand your way of looking at things.

my opinion :

I advice you to express honestly and unfiltered why you are going to talk to this girl.Maybe you will feel uncomfortable, you won't know how to keep the conversation going. But this is normal. This is not a problem at all (This is an opportunity for you to work on being okay with silences and not knowing what to say ^^).

The more comfortable you are with taking responsibility for your intentions and expressing them honestly, unfiltered and putting your ego aside, the happier you'll be. You won't have any regrets.
Plus you will become comfortable with discomfort little by little.
You will be able to express your feelings and emotions (ask yourself before approaching a girl : "How am I feeling ?" Scared? Excited? Stressed? And go fully express it, telling this girl you still had to come and talk to her. You'll feel an intense feeling of relief.

there won't be a gap between what you want deep down and what you really express anymore.
Telling a girl that you've seen her and you think she's lovely is taking the risk of plunging into the unknown and being rejected.
But When you'll be able to express your emotions and intentions, you'll go to the next step wich is "ok now i'm able to tell a girl I like her on the street. However I still look desperate, not at ease and needy, what do I do now?"
Then you'll find solutions after questionning yourself and reach that next level
And the next level
Again,
And again.

When I started I used to do the same thing but
One day I told myself that I was doing this more to avoid rejection than to make incredible encounters.
It was as if there was a gulf between what I wanted and what I was communicating. Because I thought that saying to a girl "you're pretty" made me weak.
It came from a very deep, buried insecurity.

Maybe behind this reflex to ask for a direction hides a deep insecurity or fear (fear of making her uncomfortable, bothering her, acting out of steps with others, being rejected, being weird, etc etc...) burried in your subconscious (or conscious) mind.
Do you act like this by default (because you're scared of exploring the opposite, which is showing inconditionnal love and interest) or by choice? (You could do the opposite without caring about the consequences. But you don't do it because you know whatever you say the girl will understand why you're here).
Each time you think you're acting a certain way because it's the right thing to do, Ask yourself this last question
If it's by default, it's a blockage. Like being overly nice. Kindness is a quality. But guys who are kind by default are anything but honest.

It's important to be able to show our interest without a filter.
When we can do one thing and its opposite we're free.
It means that we can ask for directions and talk to this girl about the weather. in fact de can talk about anything, we will subcommunicate that we love her anyway. Because we have explored the fact of showing interest inconditionnally and we assume it entirely from within. Not just externally.

The answer is not in what you say, but in how well you are able to express yourself fully. Being needy, overly nice, showing too much interest or not showing interest at all etc etc... these things are not a problem if we do it by choice.
So instead of asking yourself : what works best with girls. Ask yourself : what am I capable of doing. Even if It means going beyond what you think is socially accepted

 

Respect to you my man for doing what you are doing. I used to cold approach a lot before, but became a bit of a pussy lately. I know how hard it is to do daygame and especially when you are just by yourself.
I used to walk around for hours at the train station and going home without a single approach, even though hundreds of girls walked by lmao!! That's how I started though, got a bit better in the end, but still lol

The best thing that worked for me was to approach as many as possible just to overcome that fear. Even girls you don't really like appearance wise. If I would get the conversation going and the girl would ask what I'm up to I would always respond with that I'm in the city to tame the penguins in the local zoo. Making them jump through a circle of fire etc. Just telling random shit like that. It makes the conversation more fun and energetic. Sometimes they even believe you, hilarious!

I really want to start daygaming again after reading this thread...

 

Really impressive, man. Very admirable.

 

Thanks for a reminder because of this thread. I gotta go out sarging.