Happy New year! Please write your New years resolution here

Hi good friends. I relapsed in December after 55 days clean. I shrugged it off and made it another 18 days before I fell into binging. Today is New Years and I wont allow myself any more relapses.

I have a whats app AP group and we are all trying to make a plan on how to stay clean for the upcoming year. Covid have been a pain in the ass for almost a year now and it looks like my coutry at least will have to deal with it for another 6 months.

Everything is different than usual. More of a challenge than ever before. But I am up for this challenge.

I dont feel like being social right now and I dont think that should be at the top of my mind for 2-3 weeks at least. I sent a happy new years message to most of my friends.

I have some dates with at least 5 girls. I like one of them very much but she is mentally ill so we cant have anything more than something casual/being good friends. Best friend material but not girlfriend unfortunately. And I am meeting another girl I used to have a crush on but its been a few years since last time. We are going on an Ice bath some day soon but she lives 2 hours away.

1. So to my new years resolution. I have to assume that the gym will be closed until summer. My plan until it opens again is to take 50 push ups a day. Maybe extend to some more exercises once I have a routine.

2. I have to be super strict with myself and go monk mode from day 1. Avoid all triggers when possible. I will be using youtube but block all channels with triggering content. I dont use facebook so no problem there. No tic tok. Stay away from Netflix series that are too sexual in nature. Dont fantasize. Dont read books on dating advice and especially not any of that PUA stuff. Will write a personal list of triggers once they pop up in my mind.

3. Make sure to meet old friends this year. I will also try to meet new ones. I have a hiking group I am a member of. I have paid for a year. They have some outdoors activities once a week or sometimes 2 or 3. Maybe if I am lucky we can have a cabin trip by February. I also see they have planned a surfing camp in Morocco in late February. Probably not happening but its allowed to hope.

4. Girlfriend. Even though I sometimes feel like I need one to feel happy I know that isn't true. I think I am at a stage in my life where casual relationship is the smart thing to do. I will try to not think too much about it. I am just going to meet people and have a good time.

5. Meditation and spirituality. This one is important to me. I need to develop a daily meditation routine. I need to find something that sticks. I can meditate for 45 minutes in one sitting but thats not something I can commit to daily yet at least. I think 10-20 minutes twice a day is a realistic goal. I wont get there right away. Even 5 minutes a day is a good start. I am also reading books like the power of Now and Stillness speaks, Tao Te Ching etc. Only 2 pages a day to get in the zone.

6. Go for walks. I need to go more outside at daytime. If im outside at night I should take 10 minutes to watch the stars. Maybe that is something I can do before going to bed. It is winter months and im living North. Its dark almost 24/7. Only 4 hours or so of daylight. It will be easier in the end of January/February though.

7. I have a cat. Make sure to dedicate some time every day to pet it and play with it. It isnt really a problem. I love cats. Its a nice distraction from bad thoughts.

8. Daily positive affirmations/gratitude list. I want to do both but it is easy to forget or neglect. I need to find a way to remember to do it. Over time this is something that helps tremendously. I have a diary and I will start making daily entries again. Maybe I need stickers in my bedroom to remember it.

9. Dream diary. I have a hard time remembering my dreams but dreams tell you important stuff about your inner life that you might not be aware of. This is not an immediate goal of mine but when I get started with other good habits I will add this one too. Nofap makes dreams more vivid too.

10. I like to keep it clean around me but fatigue and depression have made my apartment a mess. I cant bring people home when it looks like this. This is the first and most important thing to do before I get started with the bigger stuff. I need to clean up my apartment, take a haircut, shave, make sure everything looks good so I can have guests.

11. Martial arts. This will be when the gym opens again and a while after I am back into a good workout routine. I used to do Mua Thai ( kick boxing with street fight mix).

12. Daily Spanish. I usually do it for 14 days or so and then take a long break. I will try to make a 365 day streak on Duolingo this time. Only 20 minutes a day will do.

13. Studies. I have been mentally ill and been neglecting my studies. But actually if I gave it my 100% I would have a Bachelors degree in just 2 years from now. I will take at least 1 topic this semester and really give it a go. I dont want to try full time as long as covid keeps the school closed but I think I can do 1 topic even if it is a though one like bio chemistry.

14. Music. Listen to music. It helps my mood.

15. Learn to sing/play the guitar. Not at the top of my list but if I find time I will buy some online courses and maybe pay for some live lessons.

16. Economy. I already have a decent cash stack but I want to save up some more money. All my money have been going into investing in Bitcoin and cryptos this year. It wasn't a bad investment at all but sometimes I empty myself completely so I cant afford food. This year I will still focus on investing but I also need a healthy savings account and pay down some debt. I am considering selling some stuff I dont need to pay down my credit card debt fast. I have some really expensive statues lying around. They are just getting in my way. I cant sell my computer but it is worth around 3.000 dollars so if it get really bad I guess I can downgrade. I also have to spend 500 dollars on digging outside my apartment. It will save me money over time since fiber network is cheaper and can give me a passive income. My computer setup is solid enough to make a decent penny from mining and staking cryptos.

17. Gov support. I will try to apply for gov support since I have been mentally ill for a while. I have PTSD, Schizoaffective disorder and depersonalization disorder. Only one of these is enough to make life hard. I am on medicines for Panic disorder which is part of my PTSD and I need heavy sleep medicines to give me a 50/50 chance of sleeping at night. I might need a lawyer since the gov are very strict about giving it out. I dont want them to keep me back. I want to break loose and give 100% this year. Ironically the gov have rules against taking more than 1 topic each semester. If I outperform their expectations they wont help me anymore. There is a much better deal I can apply for which basically gives me more flexibility so I can study as much as 100% without them caring. Thats what im going after but I need a lawyer. They do their best to keep things as they is even though they have broken the law several times already. It is highly unlikely that I will be able to study 100% for a log time. When i am done I am not sure if I will be able to work 100%. Maybe 50% or 20%. The gov have a very weak case and the lawyers say that if I apply and get a refusal they will help me for free (1000 dollars then free) because they are almost 100% confident they will win the case.

18. Reading at least 2 books a month. I have a subscription at Audible so I am going to listen to at least 2 audio books a month. I also have quite a few unread paperbacks and a Kindle account. I will read a lot but if I end up with studies that will be prioritized first.


Happy New Year! I will post this in my journal as well and update it whenever I get a new idea or find a more detailed plan on how to stay clean and improve my life situation this year.

 

New year motivates me for some reason. Thats one thing. But the other thing is that Christmas got so stressful that my 75 days of dedicated Nofap went down the drain. I wrote this New years resolution to get back into the fighter mindset. I am not finished developing a solid plan at all. Maybe I will make a second entry in a week or so. I am going to be dedicated. I am even resetting my counter so it shows midnight today. I have a few days already but I am signing up for the 1 year challenge and I am pretty serious.

Anyways its late, new entry soon!