Idk what to do

It sounds like you're blaming yourself for something that's not your fault and you're punishing yourself as a way to cope. There is not a easy or simple answer, I think it will take a multitude of things for you to be at peace. The first step is to listen to self guided meditations on forgiveness, you can find it for free on youtube. At some point you may want to incorporate sleep hypnosis. Youtube has great free sleep hypnosis videos on trauma, forgiveness, healing, etc.

If you find that these resources is not enough. You may want to consider joining a support group or talking to an expert about this. Of course, that all depends on your comfort level and financial situation. If you do decide to talk to an expert such as a therapist, please note not all them will be helpful to you so make sure you do your homework and not just go with anyone.

 

You were 11-12 and didn't even know what laws were, let alone interpret them to your actions.

::wrist slap::

there, now you've been punished.

If this is really really bothering you, open up to a therapist or parent or friend or religious leader - depending on who you trust most.

 

Did you jack off to little naked girls like 12 year olds Or jerk off to women being raped?