PMO Killed My Desire for Women

I've always been known as the "shy" person in the room, or the one that is picked on for not engaging in conversation, especially when it involves talking with women or people I don't know. This could be due to a lot of things, such as genetics or the circumstances of my childhood. But a lot of it stems from addiction to pornography, a severe addiction in my opinion. The severity of the addiction is subjective to one's opinion, but I feel mine is severe enough to where I need to seek help. Let me give some background information. I'm 20 years old and have been watching porn daily since I was 15. Most of it was to cope with my social anxiety and inability to connect with women. Let me add that I have never had a girlfriend or engaged in activity with a women in a romantic capacity. I think about this every day and feel like a complete loser. I feel as though few people at my large university have this problem. I have two brothers that are the complete opposite when it comes to relationships. Both have had several long term relationships and don't understand my struggle. They say "it's not that hard just loosen up" or "just ask someone random for their number". What they don't understand is that I have been desensitized to the thought of a 'real-world' relationship because I can get all the pleasures alone through the internet. I've tried many times to quit for good, but have only lasted as long as a week. I think PMO has had many negative impacts on my life and outlook on things, but the most prominent negative impact is how I view myself. I have a low self-esteem, I'm incredibly self aware to the point where I can't relax and have a normal conversation, and I have trouble mustering up any motivation for even the most basic things. PMO is truly like a drug for me and I often feel like opting out of social settings because I'm bored and just want the rush of dopamine that will give me some sort of satisfaction in the otherwise depressing life I live. I have serious doubt that I will ever find a girlfriend, let alone a wife, and struggle with the idea of giving up PMO for good. Nevertheless, with your guys' support, I'd like to give it my best shot. If any of this relates to you guys I would greatly appreciate your feedback and words of encouragement. It took a lot out of me to open up like this.

 

Hey man I appreciate your reply.

Blocking PMO on my devices seems like a good idea, and I may have to try this out. I've considered it for a while but never really did it because I denied having a problem after researching pretty extensively. There are certainly those that are in favor of frequent masturbation, even on a daily basis, but I know for me it just isn't healthy at all. Thank you for this suggestion.

For me I think having a community like this that can keep me accountable will help a lot because I don't think I can do it myself. As for speaking with my brothers about my addiction, I have tried before. I hinted at having a potential problem without explicitly stating the severity of the problem, but they don't seem to understand where I'm coming from. The brother that I'm closest with is a few years older and we live together at college. He seems to be able to communicate and get with women at will and has never had a problem with PMO. Of the few times I light-heartedly hinted at my problem with PMO, he suggests that it's nothing to worry about and is completely natural; "Everyone does it" is a frequent saying on the matter.

I think a lot of my addiction has to do with my inability to get a GF and jealousy for those who can get one at will like my brothers. I often think I have no one to talk to, especially within my family and friends, because they just don't get it. I have been pretty close with my father but have never mentioned my problem because I don't think he would fully understand. The reality of it is that we are in an era in which PMO is significantly easier to access, and thus become addicted to, than any generations before us including my father. So I don't think he would understand either.

I am going to try to hit the gym more often and hopefully build some better habits. I am a couple days sober here and am gonna put my best effort forward to try to reach the 1 month mark. I appreciate your helpful remarks!

 

I just watched the video. Wow, I can relate to it on many levels. While I have a growing desire to be in a relationship with a woman, you are probably right about needing to better myself first. It just feels like I've wasted many years of my life, like Noah said in the video. I feel immense pressure as I get older to get my first sexual experience out of the way. It's as if there's going to be a point very soon where if I don't find someone I will go into a deep depression. But I know getting off PMO is a major step in the right direction.

As for the software, the only device I have ever used to PMO is my smart phone and I'm not sure the software you suggested is compatible with that. I would like to say I could reach out to my brother, but it would take a lot out of me. I'm not sure when the right time would be to bring it up and I feel very anxious just thinking about it. I would like to think I could install this software on my own and prevent myself from disabling it, but there's no way to be certain. I'd like to try though and see how far I can go.

 

I live in a pretty small town, so this is probably not a feasible option. Plus, I think I would feel pretty guilty if my first experience with a woman is a one night stand if you will.

 

I use an IPhone. I'd like to see how far I go without the use of blocking technology, but I appreciate your advice. When (or if) I fail again I will definitely take some more serious steps. Thank you for your words of encouragement and introducing me to Noah's work. I actually downloaded his book and have been reading it here and there. I've been clean for 4 days now and don't plan on stopping anytime soon. If I can hit the one month mark it would be a pretty big accomplishment for me. Thanks again! Hopefully I do not relapse, but if I do can I count on you for more words of encouragement?