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Create a sense of Urgency and Desperation

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Daxos, Jan 1, 2021.

  1. Daxos

    Daxos Fapstronaut

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    My brothers,

    Let me start with a warning. This post is dark. Really dark. I don't think I have ever shared the deepest well of my old darkness on this forum before.

    This post is for those that can't escape the relapse. Those that can't get pas the first week. Those that seem to fail every time. I want to give you my thoughts on a principle from the 33 Strategies of War by Robert Greene that liberated me from this endless spiral of relapsing and seemingly endless shame.

    "Create a Sense of Urgency and Desperation"

    Who do you think is more lethal and dedicated to throw in everything to survive? The wolf that is cornered and surrounded by 10 other wolfs, or the wolf that is losing but has the option to retreat by the river as he is able to swim? The cornered wolf.
    The cornered wolf has no choice but to fight to the death, or death will be the only certainty it will have. You must become this wolf. It is those that have absolutely no way out but to fight that will overcome. This sense of urgency and desperation might seem like a negative, but it will force you to survive and overcome, as the other alternative is utter doom.

    When you allow yourself to have a save river to retreat by, like the second wolf, then you will never 100% commit to the pain and struggle of the fight as you always have this save and comfort of the way out in the back of your head. This is toxic and will make you complacent. This is why many people keep relapsing. When they feel down or depressed or anxious, they still see porn as a safe retreat to deal with those emotions. And yes, the retreat is always successful as you get that small window of relief of that stress, but it just sets you back again and again. This false sense of security encompasses most relapses.

    So what you need to become is that starved wolf that has NO OTHER OPTION THAN TO FIGHT, OR DIE. This urgency and desperation will allow for only 1 way out, and that is the way to complete NoFap.

    **How to incorporate this?**
    At the time I didn't realize it, but I subconsciously used this principle to force me to finally break free from PMO. This is what I did, and don't take it lightly, it will hurt you to the core. And that is exactly what you need. You need that dread to create the urgency and desperation.

    At my worst, at my darkest, at my moment of true despair, I remember I was walking on the streets of Zwolle, my now home city. I was strolling around going to the shop to buy food and some clothes. I did not really feel bad or good. I was so numb from PMO that I was lifeless. Somehow though, I caught the gaze of an amazing girl. She looked so amazing and so sweet. Truly my type of girl. We made eye-contact and she smiled to me. She stood still and turned around to see what I would do. Well, what did I do? I just kept on walking and left her. I felt too ashamed and empty to take this golden opportunity brought upon me. I could see the disappointment in her face as I turned around and walked away from her. The emptiness and darkness inside of me at that time didn't even have the courage to call upon this almost perfect scenario. How more blessed could I be than to have such an amazing girl open up to me so quickly out of nowhere.

    After I got home, I felt disgusted and truly ashamed. Is this how my interactions with girls will be? I had the opportunity to have an amazing interaction with an amazing girl, but I betrayed myself and I probably gave that girl an enormous hit in her self-confidence as she opened herself up to me in public on the streets, only to be rejected in such a cold and fucked up way. This had to end.

    So, like I said, unconsciously, created a sense of urgency and desperation for myself. There would be only one way forward from now. And that way is NoFap. I felt such a darkness inside of me that moment back at home that I actually cut my arm to truly let myself know that there will be only 2 choices. Death or salvation. Were I not to complete the challenge and regain my honor, then I would finish the cut that I had started.

    Please note that this is by far the deepest darkness I have ever experienced. I am not suicidal and never was, but that extreme low-point of mine was apparently needed to finally break free. In my mind, I was truly cornered like the wolf I mentioned beforehand. I was surrounded by hate, pain, anxiety, grief and shame. These feelings that surrounded me would lead to my death if I weren't to bring about the fiercest fight in me to overcome them and survive them. I was truly urgent and desperate to finally break free as the other alternative was to end it all.

    And to my amazement and complete astonishment, I finally completed the NoFap challenge. I had finally made it to day 90. I finally broke free and overcame the addiction. I suddenly remembered a scene from a movie that gave a perfect visual representation of what it looks like to be the cornered wolf with no way out.


    Watch that small clip from the movie Unbroken, and you will feel and understand. The main character in the clip has 2 choices:
    1. Keep up the wooden beam, or
    2. Drop the wooden beam and be shot by the guard

    He survived. He kept the beam up in what seemed an impossible task and the Japanese guards broke and gave up themselves. He had no other chance of survival than to push through the impossible task. And he did. He did.

    That scene is from a true story.

    So please, do not give up. You really can make it. It is all mental.

    Please forgive me if my post shocked you or disgusted you.
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2021
  2. Rev2.0

    Rev2.0 Fapstronaut

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    Man, that story about you blowing off that girl is heartbreaking. I'm married and many years past my prime but knowing what I know now, there were at least a dozen smart and sexy women in my life during my 20s who were giving me the go signs but I never followed through with any of them and it was totally due to a total lack of awareness and self confidence caused by PMO. Not to make excuses but when (as in my case) everything a man knows about relating to women is a combination of Nice Guy upbringing/indoctrination and what he's picked up from P, he literally has no chance.

    Your methods of keeping on the straight and narrow aren't exactly for me but the message is right on point and well timed. Happy New Year to all my fellow Nofappers and let's kill it in 2021.
     
    Daxos likes this.
  3. Trailblazer7

    Trailblazer7 Fapstronaut

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    The only time to make things right is now
     
    JustSypher and Daxos like this.
  4. Daxos

    Daxos Fapstronaut

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    I believe that general was Cao Cao. The story sounds familiar
     
    MichaelJordan and Lord Pickles like this.
  5. swillbill5

    swillbill5 Fapstronaut

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    Great post and couldn’t agree more. The power of desperation is real. I hope people take your advice and can artificially create that sense of desperation before they get ED or other issues like I have experienced
     
    Daxos likes this.
  6. Daxos

    Daxos Fapstronaut

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    Usually this sense of desperation is only truly understood and utilized until someone has experienced true darkness. Before, one is still naïve and thinks all will be well and that they will find a way, even though their past efforts scream failure. It is all about being honest with yourself, but that requires to confront your deepest ego, and boy, does that hurt.
     
  7. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

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    hard to disagree with op since he's done 90 days but giving yourself no way of retreat is a mostly bad (military) move...just had to say this.
     
  8. Daxos

    Daxos Fapstronaut

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    To the contrary. Or rather, it is highly situational and dependent on the used strategy of the general. There have been many examples in history where the cornered force actually won because their enemies made them desperate beyond measure. Take the example given above of what general Cao Cao did. Cao Cao is regarded as one of the best generals ever. Another example is the battle of Alesia won by Julius Caesar. He was completely surrounded and if it weren't for Caesar to use this desperation to his advantage, Vercingetorix would've easily slain all the legionaries, even the infamous 10th Legion.

    Most battles in ancient times were won when a single flank or part of the army routed which caused a chain reaction. Many of those armies that lost could've won if they didn't go full retreat. If they only were courageous enough, or desperate enough, to hold fast, then they could've won. The biggest battles were often won by the force that could break a flank first.
     
  9. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

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    well yes the mongols for exemple alway gave they enemies a small window of retreat to doom themselves but to gamble your whole army on the inability to perform an orderly retreat is too reckless.
     
    Daxos likes this.
  10. Daxos

    Daxos Fapstronaut

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    Reckless, but sometimes necessary
     
    TheForsakeen likes this.

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